h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You know how mine and Ellie's friends were getting annoyed/upset at how affectionate we were around school? We fixed that. We weren't so overly lovey dovey.

Or so it would seem.

We have Terri rearing her head. Terri is a girl my age who I've known for longer than my other friends. This is because we were thrown together by fate in Year Six and then she was the only person I knew in my current school. I say she's my age. In fact she seems like at least a year younger, because she's *incredibly* annoyingly chirpy - not happy, chirpy - sometimes immature and superficial. All of which are kind of anathema to me cause I like to think I'm, well not exactly mature (), but a bit more sensitive, empathic etc. Anyhoo, being quite impressionable at that tender age I got the impression of her being rather confident because of her loudmouthedness. (At this time I didn't know the difference.) Now I know differently: she's *incredibly* paranoid, especially with friendships. Especially with my friendship.

The thing is I have reason to be hard on her. In April 2002 I was rather unhappy, rather a lot of the time. Terri ... never really showed her support, not even in the kind of support that involves 'giving space'. At the same time, I was making friends with Ellie, Rosa, Maria, Kate and Louise, all of whom I like more than her. At this point she was not paranoid. The paranoia set in when me and Ellie began spending more time with each other, beginning in September 2002. (Ah, little did we know then we'd be in a relationship a year later. Bless.) But she's never made her annoyance clear in a reasonable way. (What a reasonable way is I don't know, but I know it when I see it.) She threw the occasional tantrum. She claimed, "I don't know you any more" to me, when she'd never known me anyway. This was when I was having self harm problems, or the problems began anyway.

So this history, her thinking Ellie's been "stealing" me, has been going on for a long long time. We've sometimes had conversations about it. Anyhoo, I thought mine and Ellie's "coming out" (such a funny phrase!) would stop it. Surely, I thought, Terri would realise that she was not being threatened by Ellie because the bond between us is a different one. (The fact is I don't really have a bond with Terri. She seems to think we do. Can't she realise that we have nothing in common, we have nothing to talk about?) But no.

To be fair to Terri, the others felt a bit crap about me and Ellie being too affectionate. As documented earlier. So, we stopped a lot of the hand stroking and hugging, etc.

This lunchtime Terri felt that we were ignoring her. So in her bulldozer way she went "and you're not even listening, just looking at Hannah, ooh she's my girlfriend". I took another bite from my chocolate and stared fixedly at the table. I don't know how to deal with stuff like that when it just happens. Plus, if I get angry I don't yell and things. (Apart from Will, when he was being homophobic.) I just stare.

So, I asked her about it on the way home. It didn't really get anywhere. She says that when Ellie and I are together we block all the others out. I asked what the others had said. She said not much, it's mostly her.

The upshot was that Terri feels left out. This is her principal state. The thing is, she doesn't bother trying to join in! How am I supposed to talk to her if she doesn't talk to me? (The other issue is how am I supposed to talk to her if she's either a) accusing me of something or b) talking about something stupid.)

Another thing: I'm not experienced in this at all but aren't most couples who are in love get kind of absorbed in each other? I don't know. I've only seen movies, which aren't exactly accurate. But there are some couples in the sixth form who are constantly smooching, and we don't do that, do we?

Another thing: she made a comment, "maybe I'm depressed because you're so happy", which I thought was a bit weird. When I told Sophie (my excellent 12 year old sister) about it she said she thought Terri is jealous.

This might be true. Terri is the sort of girl whose life would be perfect if only she were size 10 and had the boy of her dreams to dote on her and could eat chocolate all the time without getting fat. Well, maybe lots of people's lives would be perfect with that but it seems to her to be her life's ambition. Cause the boyfriend she wants is just a figment: the 'ideal' boyfriend from teen movies. Maybe I should wean her off the bad teen movies and onto such things as Mulholland Drive and Donnie Darko. Although on second thoughts she might just pout at the idea of them.

I'm sorry baby but I don't want to change, not for just Terri. She should be happy with what we've done already and if she was an actually understanding friend she'd realise how much I control myself anyways; she should get a head check and stuff, I'm sorry.



That thing at lunch with the "you're jsut staring at hannah, ooh she's my girlfriend" thing really did piss me off. Louise says it's cute, or "Ellie, Ellie, get a grip!" If I talk about you a lot. If I talk about you a lot to Terri she /starts getting annoyed/.

And yes. She's not reasonable the way, say, Rosa is about this kind of thing. Terri, both times she's been her usual complaining self, has not bothered to get anyone elses opinion. Just her own. She isn't polite about it either.
Rosa, Kate, Maria, Louise and I were talking on the bus. Rosa came up with, "If you're annoyed at someone, it's your problem, but if everyone is, it's theirs." Swapped round to "If one person is annoyed at you, then it's their problem, but if everyone finds you annoying, it's yours."
So, granted the first time it was us going "overboard" with the affection - though I find it quite cute being around some of the other couples in the sixth form - lots of our friends had something to say (I wonder how Kate felt? *scratches chin*), but this time? I get the impression it's HER this time. HER feeling ignored. HER temper tantrums.

So I'm disinclined to acquiesce to her "request".

I love Pirates of the Carribean!

scuse me for butting in, but...

You need to let her know that she is not ur #1 priority. And when she says ur friends are all bothered by it, shes probably just drawing up stuff from before which you already sorted out. She sounsd like the outsider int he group, desperate to be a leader and noticable, when really she's feeling liker a tagger... I havent an answer, but surely, the two of you ar more important to each other to let her screw you up!

You're not butting in, honestly! Don't worry, it's great talking to you.

Thank you for what you say, that's really cool. Sometimes I worry that I'm being mean, it's nice that people outside agree with me.

Kudos to you, pantherlady!
Now if only we had a way to get HER to realise that...
*starts concocting evil maniacal plan*

no one should have to be friends with some one or have them around becasue they feel obliged. Its a dog eat dog world and sometimes you just have to put you first. And if that hurts someone else, then so be it. Of course its always nicer not to hurt them.

Thankyou