h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That's a great idea, manson. Managed to completely change my son's attitude to history this way! (not intentionally, I hasten to add; that was just a cool side-effect)

Sometimes it's tough, though. For instance, my son is 100x better at math than I could ever be so, although we go through math homework together sometimes, he usually ends up teaching *me* not that that's a bad thing; never too old to learn, and by making me understand it, he understands it better himself.

As an aside, the Mothers Day card he sent me this year had the caption:

"After he was moved to the thick class, he made a mental note never again to ask Mum for help with his homework."

I thought that was brilliant!

I'm glad he recognises that I'm fallible too, and making mistakes is part of being human.

Maybe our kids sometimes think we don't / can't understand how they're feeling because, as adults, we're "expected" to be so much smarter, to have all the answers, and it's really hard to realise that we were once the same age they are now, and had some of the same feelings / fears / self-doubts. I certainly remember feeling that about my Mom when I was in my teens.

Perhaps it's better for our kids to know that we don't consider ourselves to be as smart and self-assured as they may think we do; that we do recognise that everybody has things they're good at and other things they stink at, and we don't expect them to be geniuses (genii?) at everything.

Not for one minute suggesting that you come across as "superior" or pushy with your kids, B'Elana - you definitely don't come across that way here - just that I know some who are, and it's really sad.

Manson - I'd really appreciate your viewpoint on this.

No offence meant to anyone with this post - we all have different styles of parenting and this is only my

I spent the whole afternoon, trying to help him with his homework, i.e. trying to motivate him to do his homework. I asked him what was to do, so he told me what his task in English was. He said he had no homework in Latin. I called his classmate who confirmed this, but : they'll have an exam tomorrow, that's why. My son hadn't intended to learn for it, which means, he must have intended to be truant tomorrow again I'm really desperate, how can he get a bit more self esteem and confidence, when he only gets bad results in school ? And there is so much he should learn for tomorrow, he'll have no chance to get satisfying results. Nevertheless, I insisted that he learned, I promised to ask his teacher that she'll not give him any marks if he does too bad. I have no idea if she is allowed to do this, but I'll try.
Ancrene, I ,eant to answer to your quwstion on 'ask h2g2', but everything was already said. Now I'm having second thoughts about letting my thirteen year old on the long leash - obviously, it was too long, and I have nearly lost him

Hi,
I have to admit I bunked off School regularly, especially for subjects that I didn't like or understand (such as Maths ) yet I still managed to attain 5 English 'O' levels and an 'A'. I also went on to higher education.
I have never been open to my family, even though I know that they are approachable and would understand any problems I may have. I think it is a Masculine thing.
However, I have found that Lads tend to be more inclined to chat to their Mothers, while Lasses tend to be more inclined to converse with their Father.
I am of the opinion that during adolescence, everything becomes confusing, and Parents and Peers are offering different and often conflicting advice. This creates confusion, and invariably will lead them to trusting the advice of their friends. (What do Parents know???)
Ultimately boys will be boys, and you can't beat yourself up over it. My Parents harangued me for years, and I had a very strict Victorian upbringing but think I came out pretty much OK. (Sure, that is a personal opinion). The number of times I was kept in Detention, or sloped off from School was legion. Another good one was missing Church Services, prefering to go to the beach or playing with my mates, and coming home at 18:00 in the evening with my parents pulling their hair out!!!! Oh! And I ran away from home at around that age for a whole 8 hours... Ran out of money. I was grounded big time, before the expression had even crossed the pond. I had never seen my Dad so furious or my Mum so upset...
I, as a more mature, sensible and adjusted person, (than I was then) can appreciate your shock, but can say that in a normal stable family, sense does ultimately prevail, and I am sure that your son will prove to be exemplary, and I wish you the very best...

You know where I am... Anytime, 24/7

&

Thanks for sharing that, it makes me feel a bit better, although not really good You know, it's not easy not to feel guilty.

B'Elana, the 'long leash' issue is something we all have to contend with; it's impossible to get it right - hold on too tight and we're suffocating their growth into adult individuality, but let go too soon and it may seem like we don't care enough. I battle with this one almost every day.

At the end of the day, our kids need leeway to make mistakes and learn from them. The truancy thing is a real biggy, both for you and your son. He may have run himself into a blind alley here; he missed school because for fear of a poor result, then became unsure how to reintegrate so missed more lessons, meaning that poor results in future become almost inevitable. I feel for both of you - you for wondering where you went wrong, when in all likelihood you have done nothing that any of us would have done any differently, and for your son who's likely to be feeling scared, both of the consequences of his truancy at home and school, and for future failures, angry that he felt backed into a corner and truancy was (in his perception) the only way out, and ashamed / sorry that he upset you.

I've been thinking through this a lot today and, although he has to understand that truan

Hmmmm, B'El, seeing as now you know about your son skipping school and he knows that and he's in trouble for that, and being in trouble for that is worse than being in trouble for getting low marks, yet he's still planning to skip, there's probably something at school making it more scary... I don't think it's a bullying problem 'cause then he wouldn't skip on days where there are exams and stuff, so maybe he's afraid of the teachers?


Anyway... My mum is constantly offering to help me with my school work, and I sometimes accept her help, although I don't know why... I would probably do it much quicker if my mum wasn't helping. She takes my books away and stares at them for ages mumbling to herself and then much later says that she doesn't know what to do... my sister is sometimes helpful, but she makes me do lots of stuff that I don't really need to do and doesn't listen to a word I saw, and just reads over what the text book says and tells me that everything there is wrong... Whereas my brother would tell me that I'm only in year nine, as if I have to do any work at all... my brother isn't the best influence in the world.

I don't think kids really think that their parents are good at everything... most kids I know think their parents are totally incompetent. When they're really little they believe their parents are perfect, but soon enough that illusion is no more. Although my dad had a fine way of making it seem that he knew everything and that everything my sister and I did would never be good enough..... seriously, my report cards would all come back saying that I was excellent at everything, but he still got angry at me and made me cry for a week... *sighs* And I don't remember when it was, but he once yelled at my sister and me that collectively our intelligence will never be able to compare to his, so our opinions don't matter... *sighs* But don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he was always like that... just, sometimes... but sometimes he was really sweet and cute... I really miss him... *changes topic before she bursts into tears*

On the subject of Nintendo and PC, these are fine interests. They develope thinking skills nicely. Don't try to force other interests upon him.

Sorry - working on laptop and caught the "post" button prematurely!

To continue... as if you've not heard enough from me

I've been thinking through this a lot today and, although he has to understand that truancy is not the answer to his problems, perhaps penalties are not the best way forward in this instance?

Now, I don't know what your relationship with your kids is like, nor do I know their, or your, temperaments and home situation, so I can only really put forward how I think we would handle things if (when?) we go through the same. Please don't take this as any judgement or suggested panacaea - it is purely conjectural based on *our* relationships / situation at this particular moment in time.

The first thing I'd want to understand is *why* he was so afraid of poor results - because of his peers, teachers or me. It would probably take a lot of cuddles and patience, but I'm pretty sure he would tell me eventually.

If it was because he was feeling pressured by me I'd try to reassure him that, although his education is important, it's not so important that I would lose respect for him / love him any less for failing a test or two.

If it is to do with the teachers then I would want to make an appointment to discuss this with them. While stretching and expanding a child's mind with challenges is the main purpose of teaching, putting kids under so much pressure that they feel the only escape is truancy is completely defeating the object; they're not going to learn anything if they don't turn up for lessons.

If it is to do with peer pressure, this is a little more tricky. As MadFiddler said, kids are more likely to listen to their mates than parents in teen years. However, again my first port of call would be the school to let them know about it. They can't keep an eye on a problem unless they know about it and, to be fair, teachers are so busy that some things slip under the radar.

Perhaps his teachers may be able to offer some additional help, or do you think that this would lower his self-esteem even more?

I really wish I could offer a fail-safe solution, B'Elana - God knows parenting is one of the hardest jobs! - and I hope I haven't said anything contentious here

Loads of love to you and your family - I so hope that things are better soon.

Thank you all for your support and advice, it's great not to feel alone, although I know that somehow, I AM alone with this.*sigh*
manson, my dad was like yours, telling us that we weren't worth anything, even beating us, that's why I'd NEVER EVER say such things to my boys, nor would we ever beat them. I can only hope that he knows just how much we love him, don't know how to show him if he doesn't know by now. My oldest boy tells me not to be stupid and feel guilty. He says his brother is odd, not me

ancrene, thanks for completeing your post. You are right, you can't know our family situation, so you can only assume that we treat our boys reasonably - which we do. The first thing when I heard about the truancy, was to call his teacher and ask for an appointment, which we'll have on Thursday morning. It's not the peer group which is the problem, on the contrary, this morning, he said he didn't want to go to school because he was afraid that his classmates would ask where he has been, and he didn't want to tell them. So he's not te super hero, which is good.he told us a few reasons, now we'll have to find out if they're true, or just a convenient excuse - both my boys know me very well and know exactly where my weak spots are .

Hmmmm. I wish I could talk to your son and get to know him so I could offer some real help... But then again, that wouldn't be good if I went under cover to find out information for you, 'cause then I'd become his friend and friends never tell stuff to friend's parents... it's just not how it works... nor do they tell stuff to anyone who might tell it to friend's parents... like when my mum suddenly asked me one day whether Michelle cuts herself too, I went on a long rant at my mum about how she shouldn't ask such a personal question about any of my friends because it's not my right to pass of such information and so on... *blinks*... what was my point?

Best of luck for Thursday morning, B'Elana. Will be thinking of you and your boy.

B'Elana, I am not sure if he will do this, but could give him private notebook to write down anything that he (dis)likes or draw or just write. I found handy to some times to let brain do some writing. one time I just wrote 100 word that came up in my mind. I must say funily enough it helped in some way.

my oddball's oath
I was an oddball at school
I am still oddball
I will always be oddball.
I am even proud to be oddball.

Pheloxi, that's nother good idea, I'll suggest it to my boy - can you warrant me that he'll not be an oddball ?

may be he is find his own oddish name

...reminds me of the Indians, the orginal Americans, the have animal guide. we have need for oddish name. best example is rappers, hip hoppers and internet chatters.

I don't feel a need for an oddish name

may be oddish is not right word...an alias or a.k.a. (also know as)

did you not want to be a secret agent with cool name like James Bond?
oh you may be wanted be Nena and sing about 99 "Luft" ballons?

one of poems from notebook. this piece is called "messy brains" is. I wrote it in '91 and changed a bit just now.

thinking about you
looking for theright words
the only word apearing in my mind
are without any sense

heads up!
may be right words might apear soon
until then I watch out for them

When I heard first of James Bond, I was a student.I have never been a fan of Nena or any other star, and I can't recall having wanted to be somebody else. I remember that I often wished I had other parents, or, even better, no parents at all

When I was little I wanted to be Sailor Moon so I could marry Tuxedo Mask and become Neo Queen Serenity and have Sailor Mini Moon as my cute little pink haired daughter and wear all her pretty clothes and do cool things with the silver crystal and be the queen of the earth and the moon... And be awesome at ice skating. *thinks back to a few weeks ago when Michelle made her go ice skating and she was clinging to the edge the whole time* It'll never happen.

My boys used to watch Sailor Moon, and all the other Japanese comics - to me, there's no difference between them , except for maybe the names.:P

like MMF I went truant from quite a few lessons (mostly games as I hated team sports)
I guess avoiding problems rather than solving them is something boys do
I think your son probably realises you're doing your best for him, he just doesn't like the short-term result