h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I must be going mad here, I could have sworn I saw his light on but there's nothing here... His office is in ruins, these papers and percious things cast about his room, all over the floor, broken glass.

Something truly horrible must have happened here?

That squeak, that sounds like someone at the door. That squeak, the hinges of the door need oiling.

'Hello?'

No answer, so perhaps I should investigate?

'Watch it! You're going no where! Got it?' cried the dark silhouette across the threshold dripping with rain as the door behind him banged open on the wind.

That face, those clothes and the Otter in his hand, is it?

'Lance?'

He stands with his back to the door, and he's facing Richard, pointing the remarkably stiff otter in a menacing fashion.

"I wanted to talk to you!" he said, tipping his hat back and revealing his features. It was Lindsay.

"What are you doing here?" asked Richard. "And where's the owner of this fine establishment?"

"I don't know anything about that, but I do know this Otter is loaded." Lindsay grinned.

"I know." said Richard. "I seen him at the bar this morning."

'I smell danger in the air' Lindsay declared as he walked into the room.

'And bad aftershave- either that or that Otter of yours is rotting and why you you have your finger up it...?' Richard asked looking first to the anxious looking man to the prostrate Otter.

'I'm a vet, this otter is old. I'm examining his whatsit' Lindsay replied and grinned cleverly.

'That's prostate no prostrate' Richard pointed out but instead Lindsay raised the otter.

'That too now move against the wall or I'll let you have it!' Lindsay cried in an overly dramatic, almost camp fashion.

'No thanks, I have many at home and besides I can't stand the wallpaper?' Richard replied but backed away as Lindsay approached him.

'No more funny tricks!' he warned and so unexpectantly Richard sighed.

'Thank God, I don't know any anyway? So is this post going to end on a joke?' Richard replied nervously.

But before Lindsay could answer, someone else replied in a tall, thin, high-pitched squeal.

'Eep!' cried the otter whose rear end was invaded by Lindsay's gloved hand.