h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Since Baby is out *23 July, Hippo Birdy Beth!* I'm no longer a Baby Driver. Baby Chauffeur, maybe?

How about Psucho-Labourer From Hell? Good thing we don't give birth frequently - here are just some of my hugely amusing quotes from Tuesday/Wednesday:

Me: "Get out, I want a new Birth Partner!"

Me: "Flipping Heck - why does it hurt so much?" / MW: "Such language, I'm ashamed of you - how can you swear during labour?"

MW: "It's lovely to hear someone so refined on Labour Ward - I haven't heard her swear properly once!"

Me (a dozen times): "James, if you take one more picture of me on gas I'm going to throw that camera into the water!!!!!!!!!!!" / Husband (a dozen times: "Yes, OK, no more photos..."

MW: "I'm proud of you - you're doing so well, you've got so far..." / Me: "Go and tell someone who cares!" / Husband: "No, really, you're doing great and you don't need Meptid or you'd have to get out the pool..." / Me: "Go nut yourself, you're supposed to be on my side!"

MW: "The head isn't supposed to come out like a bullet from a gun. The human body is built to do this, but you've got to give yourself a chance to do it gradually. Every time you push, you're getting Twitchy out, but you're doing it at the best speed you can, to save your body from as much stress as possible. You're doing brilliantly..." / Me: "I want this baby out NOW!"

MW: "You've come all this way on Entonox and water birth, you're about to push the head out, you don't *really* want to have a C-section and waste all your hard work, do you?" / Me: "YES, I'VE JUST TOLD YOU SO!"

Hello and congratulations. It sound like you did very well giving birth, helped by a good midwife by the sound of it. Always good to hear about a positive birth as I'm a midwife and it isn't always that straight forward.