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Another Sub-ed
Wildman - I'm not really mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! Started conversation Oct 18, 2003
Hi! I'm subbing 'The role of the National Front in the 2002 French Presidential Elections' over at A1310897
I see in the Peer Review convo that you first wrote this in French and had difficulty translating it backwards to English
. Hopefully you won't mind too much that I've messed about with it a bit
.
If you could have a look at what I've done and get back to me, I'd be quite happy to change anything you object to
.
Wildman
Another Sub-ed
Cyzaki Posted Oct 18, 2003
I'm not at all sure about the bullet-pointed list, as it makes it sound as if they are all reasons suggested for the election result, whereas:
A statement about the National Front in general and their current state in politics.
FN policies
More FN policies
Still more FN policies
More about the FN's status in politics at the time of the election.
None of which are really reasons why they were voted for. If you can explain why it works, fair enough, but it doesn't really read right to me...
The first paragraph in the 'Election Overview' bit is just one big sentence - probably my fault - can you break it up a bit?
Other than that, I think it's good 
It's a lot easier to sub something someone else has written than something you've done yourself, isn't it?! 
Another Sub-ed
Wildman - I'm not really mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! Posted Oct 21, 2003
Ok! I've restored the first section, but broken it into an extra para.
I've also broken the start of the second section into an extra para as well, with some re-wording to suit.
Could you have a look and let me know what you think, please .
Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you, but hootoo has been very slow for me just lately. 
Wildman
Another Sub-ed
Wildman - I'm not really mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! Posted Oct 22, 2003
Right then, that's it gone to join the waiting list .
Wildman
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Another Sub-ed
- 1: Wildman - I'm not really mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! (Oct 18, 2003)
- 2: Cyzaki (Oct 18, 2003)
- 3: Wildman - I'm not really mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! (Oct 21, 2003)
- 4: Cyzaki (Oct 22, 2003)
- 5: Wildman - I'm not really mad, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years! (Oct 22, 2003)
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