Journal Entries
Still positive but still there!
Posted Jun 12, 2006
Not much has changed around me but lots has changed within. 
My Husband still drinks too much 
, I still dislike him when he does
... I try to make him understand that he is lovely when he is sober but an utter git when not but he just thinks I am trying to ruin his fun. The more I sort my head out and the calmer and more 'adult' I become in my behaviour the more I feel like his mother rather than his wife.
Right now I don't see us making it 
- but that's OK. I wanted him to grow with me but he has chosen to stay behind. With every passing day the gap grows wider and I am finally facing up to the fact that this thing is not going to work out the way I wanted it to.
I have been fighting the feelings of failure and just need to come to terms with the fact that sticking with it is not always the right things to do... but I meant my vows when I made them and they were for better and for worse, it's just a shame the last 4 years have been the worse with very little better! The question I am fighting with now is what's best for me, can I handle the guilt of quitting now. I worry that if I go too soon I will just end up back again without the strength to carry on alone... I think I will know when I am ready to go...
Discuss this Journal entry [1]
Latest reply: Jun 12, 2006
These days I am mostly feeling positive
Posted Jun 16, 2005
Positive feelings are somewhat alien to me so this is taking a little getting used to.
I have grown up a pessimist , tried to change to a positive mental attitude and usually found myself being beaten down again by negativity... but not anymore.
I am particularly positive today - having just found out that my husband (who has developed shakes in his right arm and leg) is not displaying the early symptoms of Parkinsons disease.
Just wanted to share that with the world!!! 
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Jun 16, 2005
Who am I?
Posted Sep 14, 2004
I signed up to this site ages ago but then made some dramatic changes in my life, walked out of a good job and found myself in exile from cyberspace. While I have been gone I have been out trying to find who I really want to be and how to get there. I have spent the last year trying to save my relationship and my sanity which was not possible while trying to continue with a career as well... something had to give and I feel a little like my public life has been on hold while I deal with my personal life.
I have been reading one of the guide entries on Smoking today, as the last entry was in May I don't feel inclined to add to the thread but I do want to comment on the Smoking v Drinking debate. There are many people (non smokers no doubt) who have been commenting on how smoking is more detrimental to others health where drinking doesn't effect others in the same way. To those I only have one thing to say... try living with an alcoholic for a while and let me know if you revise your opinion.
My whole life has changed as a result of my partners increased need to use alcohol as a crutch to support him through his own life issues. He is unable to stop because his denial is so great he cannot see any problem. I have joined a support group to help the friends and family of drinkers (do they have those for families of smokers?) and I am currently in councelling in an attempt to put my life back together after the devastating effect alcohol has had on it.
Alcohol may well be the catalyst to end my ten year relationship (it has taken 3 years to tear it apart to the sad and sorry state it's in today). Oh yeah, he smokes too but I don't notice that with the anguish the drinking causes!
But the real point to this is it took me 2 years before I even realised the effect he was having on me - and this was a quick realisation in the great scheme of things. There are people out there whose lives are being destroyed by alcohol and to have to sit there and listen to people making excuses for alcohol can be infuriating!
Alcohol and tobacco are both drugs which have detrimental effects on both the users and those around them. To my mind the bottom line is 'everything in moderation'!
Discuss this Journal entry [2]
Latest reply: Sep 14, 2004
Muddling Through
Researcher U222054
Write an Entry
"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."