h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not much has changed around me but lots has changed within.

My Husband still drinks too much , I still dislike him when he does... I try to make him understand that he is lovely when he is sober but an utter git when not but he just thinks I am trying to ruin his fun. The more I sort my head out and the calmer and more 'adult' I become in my behaviour the more I feel like his mother rather than his wife.

Right now I don't see us making it - but that's OK. I wanted him to grow with me but he has chosen to stay behind. With every passing day the gap grows wider and I am finally facing up to the fact that this thing is not going to work out the way I wanted it to.

I have been fighting the feelings of failure and just need to come to terms with the fact that sticking with it is not always the right things to do... but I meant my vows when I made them and they were for better and for worse, it's just a shame the last 4 years have been the worse with very little better! The question I am fighting with now is what's best for me, can I handle the guilt of quitting now. I worry that if I go too soon I will just end up back again without the strength to carry on alone... I think I will know when I am ready to go...