Journal Entries
i remember you well in the chelsea hotel
Posted Jun 8, 2003
no, there was no limo waiting, though.
which night? both faces fused into one. sisters, and i loved you both. sisters, and i like to think you both loved me. one i loved. and you left before dawn. one i loved. and you were there, soft and gentle, pecking my cheek with closed mouth because your breath would have smelt of stale liquor and cigarettes. i had to go. years later, i wish i had just lain with you, holding you close to me-that was the first time i seriously thought of how good marriage might actually be. to wake up with someone next to you... but it was you i loved, not you. and you that i loved left before dawn. but you were not drunk. you were, and i will never be sure who it was that you were making love to.
the memory of those/that two/one night(s) has slipped into my soul. it is one memory. you were one person, in two bodies. i was two people, in one body. now i am someone else, and you will not know me. now you are someone else, and i would rather not know you. while i preach the virtues of pain, i cannot stand to see old wounds re-opened.
in a perfect world, you would be one. in a perfect world, i would be two. but it is not a perfect world, and i have lost you both. i have found myself, though. i have been washed in the blood. covered in slime, i have wailed, and have been heard. a new life, new perspectives. even a new geography. i just wish i could erase this memory of the mes and the yous. not in a chelsea hotel, but close. too close.
~baRuk
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Latest reply: Jun 8, 2003
work!
Posted May 15, 2003
so! i've gone and joined a call centre! honestly, i wasn't too hot about it. as things are going tho, it's beginning to look like a pretty decent place to be! not *easy, no. but these are going to be *real situations we're handling, seeing my reaction and self-control skills in *real time!
that was always the problem with gaming. it wasn't *real. i wasn't going to get fragged. terror is a kick, y'know. knowing you could get blown into bits is quite an energiser. ha.
sure, the calls on the floor are not going to be like life threatining or anything (though of course they could be livelihood threatining)... but they are real situations...and like i've said before, the learning is the primary thing, isn't it?
peace.love.empathy.
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Latest reply: May 15, 2003
baRuk
Researcher U219697
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