h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, did your ex-girlfriend have an abortion? I would assume so. And now what - she is trying to make you feel like shit about this? Well, don't worry too much. Abortions are very emotional things, I know, having had one myself, so just take everything she says with massive amounts of salt.

You tried to off yourself after taking acid? Well, you are very lucky it didn't work. I've already told you about my experiences with LSD - not a recommended drug, much too unpredictable. Trust me on that one. It probably started me on a life-long series of panic attacks. No fun!

Meanwhile, don't worry. You will never be 'normal' okay? And I say that with best intentions and in the best way. Who the f**k wants to be NORMAL anyhow? Not me.

Yes, I read the disclaimer and posted my email address anyhow, in case you wanted to respond to that and get on my MSN list - so that you would only respond to my email and not here. But never mind, if you are happier just chatting here then that's fine by me.

Feb-March is not that long ago. So you are still going through it. I think. If not, that *would* be strange. But - cliche alert! - time *is* an amazing healer. You are going to be fine. Trust me.

<>

You kiddin me? You are the total sarcastic master. But in fact, it doesn't suit you and I know it's a big-time defense thing. Which is why I don't hate you. (kidding! just kidding! you know I love you!)

But you can sure be a pain in the butt at times. Which I actually like. Keeps things perky, ya know? Having a bit of a challenge here and there?

Thing is, since we have already gone through one 'break up' and then later 'made up' I feel like this has really made our friendship totally solid. I will never doubt your friendship again. You were so patient with letting me find my lost trust again - and you knew that wasn't easy for me to do. Well, that meant a lot to me. So anyhoodle, now you have a friend for life. Okay?

As for Noggin, that guy has done a total runner! I'm only worried because he mentioned that he wasn't feeling so well. Then he disappeared. But truly, he is such a lovely person, as you well know, and so I hope he comes back to us soon.

As for you - you are going to be just fine. I know this. You can trust me on that one. I am a very wise woman!

Meanwhile, you owe me nothing at all. We are friends, right? And friends care about each other no matter what. So?

Well, basically, so talk to you later alligator.

Very glad you are feeling wanted and - I will add - also quite cherished.

see ya!
az

Aaw, thanks, az.
No, see, here's the thing. She didn't show any signs of pregnancy except depression. She was on the pill at the time. She took two tests which were both negative.
Now, the only two friends who supported me at the time theorised with me that she was making it all up (she was, and possibly is, totally obsessed with me), because I'd left her a few weeks before. And that seemed likely. Then the her friend, who is very nice and trustworthy, if slightly anti-me, backed her up and said she was pregnant. Last week, she (the friend) told me that she (the ex) wasn't, actually. But the ex sticks to her story.
So I suspect it's all bullsh*t. But if it did turn out to be true, then I'd feel bad for saying that, so I'm just content with having my naive faith in humanity ruined. I soooooo almost swore off women for life. Of course, it didn't help that she went and started sleeping with my second best friend a week after the "abortion".

But anyway, it's a long and tangled knot of lies, and everyone blames me. I have no idea if any of what I said is actually true, no one confirmed anything for me. I'm still confused.

Wow, my sarcasm comes across in characters? My god, I'm good. Except it obviously failed with that new tw*t over on the meaning of life who seems to be there just to p*ss me the h*ll off. It's working, obviously.
Anyway, I hope it's not too annoying or anything. I know time's good - it all goes so slow now I'm young, only a few months later and I've aleady started to move on.
So, thankyou, wisewoman. We're good pals indeedy.

yeah right - you don't come across as ever being sarcastic????

Well, anyhoodle. If you want to put an end to your misery with the ex girlfriend then ask her for a copy of her doctor's report saying that she was pregnant and then for a copy of the abortion papers. These things are very well documented. She would be able to supply you with proof. I mean, only do this if you think it is necessary for you. And if she won't supply you with the documented proof then I think you have no reason to feel guilty at all. Otherwise, you can just decide for yourself that she was just having you on. Though I can't imagine someone doing this, really. Abortion is not a light issue. If someone lies about this for emotional blackmail purposes, that is quite nasty. To say the least.

At this point, I would say you should not concern yourself any further about the issue. If you are not getting any clear proof of the pregnancy ever actually being a fact.

If I were her, and if I cared enough to make you feel guilty - I would totally thrust medical documents in your face to SHOW that I had been pregnant and had had to go through an abortion. But she is only doing this by hear-say. You cannot trust hear-say. So either see the documented proof or else just forget about it.

Meanwhile, I totally envy you your easy summer,not having to work and just being able to do whatever. When I was your age (here she goes!) I had my own flat and was working two jobs to pay the rent and get through the rest of high school. I guess I just don't know about this being able to stay at home with parents after one is 15 and be able to DO NOTHING. Maybe that's why occassionaly being able to do nothing now is such a pleasure. Yeah okay, I know that your home life is far from perfect, but at least you don't have to worry about paying your own rent - yet! Trust me - this is no picnic. So use that situation as long as you can.

Yes, pals indeedy indeed. Forever, methinks. (well, unless you totally F**K up! ha ha hahhhaaha)

kidding!

az

I'm running out of things to waste my time on - I shudder to think what I'd do if I wasn't the academic-learning sort.
I'll definately ask her for proof. I'm nearly certain she's lying, and if you think that doing that's nasty, you should try meeting her. Thanks for the help. If she can't prove it, I'll tell her in no uncertain terms what to do.

(I'm the kind who totally f**ks up every few weeks, unfortunately..)

Well, don't get obsessive about it. I think you are already quite clear for yourself that she is/was lying to you.

Do you really need to go further with this?

Would that help or would it just keep all thing going?

In the end, maybe it's best that you just trust your instincts, that she lied to you. And if something does present itself to you in future, just calmly ask her for the proof of her pregnancy and abortion.

The thing is, even if she had been pregnant and had had an abortion, the fact that she didn't include you - well, as you say, you had already split up - means there is no need to include you now.

There is just no point in that, as far as I can see. What good purpose could it serve? Also, no good purpose could be served by you confronting her and getting angry - why? Would she learn anything by this, do you think? Would you feel better afterwards?

Well,maybe yes. I just never do that stuff. Not my style, I guess.

So, how many weeks left till you f**k up again? Just like to be prepared . . .

az

Wow, I'm soooo close to getting my www.geocities.com/anarchistteen/temp_page.html up and running. I've always wanted to make a webpage, and all this copyright business has given me a good excuse to putting my poems on there

let me know . . .

must get ready for work now . . .

Wow.
I just got in the bath. Bathed. Got out the bath. Caught sight of myself in the mirror. And boy am I lanky. I really need to fatten myself up. Eek.

Oh shut up!

I have a couple stone of excess body weight that you can have.

BIG FAT az

(but such a lovely personality!)

I hear fat's quite valuable...

Well, I didn't say you could have it for FREE!!!

What if it gets spilled in shipping?
I'd rather you just sent me loads of really expensive chocolates and kept your body parts to yourself, thanks. How's the excersize program coming along?

Well, since for about five days last week I was in excruciating pain from pinched nerve in lower back I did a lot of nothing (well, lots of going 'ouch!' and 'f**k that hurts!') Even got all weepy one day, which almost never happens. And so, since then I have been *very carefully* getting back into some regular exercise.

btw, chocolates aren't the way to go. You need lots of buttery pasta and alcohol. And basically anything starchy and greasy. Fish and chips, big sandwiches, high-calorie snacks . . .

Which actually wasn't they way *I* got so fat, since I don't actually eat a lot. Which was why I recommended the alcohol bit - helps keeps me chubby!

It's not working, az! For the last few days, I've had nothing but junk food. Now, I'm down to three packets of prawn cocktail flavour crisps, that's the only food in the house. But usually I *LOVE* buttery pasta, with a little salt. And I am a high-alcohol-maintainance person (should I be admitting this on a site where it's widespread knowledge among those who are likely to pass that I'm only 16?). Everything I eat is bad for me, but I'm still stringy! Even my arse is weedy! *Frustrating*
(I love the word "chubby". And I've never really trusted skinny people (including myself))

Then eat MORE!

Thing about skinny-@rsed types like you is that you say you are always eating loads of fattening food, but in fact you aren't really eating enough to put on weight. There really is no such thing as 'good or bad' food, it comes down to balance.

You really want to put on weight? Try eating when you're not hungry. That oughtta do it.

az
(she speaks from experience . . .)

I eat all the time! I'm constantly hungry! Look, I'll tell you what I usually eat (assuming I'm not trapped in a big house with no food). If I had supplies, I generally eat something like:
Breakfast - Cereal, semi skimmed milk. Half a carton of orange juice. A pot or three of yoghurt. Two slices of toast.
Brunch - One large loaf of Grande Mange Peasant with butter.
Lunch - Two sandwiches, three glasses of water. A bar of chocolate.
Snacks - Two bars of chocolate, half a pint of milk, two packets of crisps.
Tea - One plate of buttered pasta. One sandwich. One ice lolly. One bowl of ice cream. One portion of apple tart. Some fruit salad. Three glasses of water.

And that's about what I eat every two days. Is that not enough?!

obviously not!

az
(hating you more by the moment - I don't even eat a third of that!)

Ah, I'm a growing lad. It probably goes into what makes me so tall and good looking

Yes, well, you should send me a photo of you - you have my email address now. I have almost everybody else's photos: Jane, Noggin, Blues Shark, Hoovooloo, Witchone, Alji . . . uh oh, can't remember any more at the moment, but there are more. So you should add your photo to my hootoo gallery (just try not to look TOO thin, okay? )

I'll try. I'll do the thing where you blow out your cheeks. Actually, first I'll have to GET a photo of me, but I'll try. Wow! Are they all as old as they seem?