h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

DOES YOUR CHEWING GUM LOSE ITS FLAVOUR ON THE BEDPOST OVERNIGHT ?
Based on the 1924 original by Ernest Hare & Billy Jones "Does The Spearmint Lose its Flavor
On The Bedpost Overnight?
(Bloom / Breuer / Rose)
Lonnie Donegan - 1958


Oh me oh my oh you
Whatever shall I do?
Hallelujah, the question is peculiar
I'd give a lot of dough
If only I could know
The answer to my question
Is it yes or is it no?

CHORUS:
Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight?
If your mother says don't chew it, do you swallow it in spite?
Can you catch it on your tonsils, can you heave it left and right?
Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight?

Here comes a blushing bride
The groom is by her side
Up to the altar, just as steady as Gibraltar
The groom has got the ring
And it's such a pretty thing
But as he slips it on her finger
The choir begins to sing:

CHORUS

Now the nation rise as one
To send their wanted son
Up to the White House, yes, the nation's only White House
To voice their discontent
Unto the Pres-I-dent
The bonny burning question, What has swept this continent?
SPOKEN: If tin whistles are made of tin, what do they make fog horns
out of?
(2nd Voice: Boom! Boom!)

CHORUS

On the bedpost overnight
(2nd Voice: Hello there, I love you and the one who holds you tight!)
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sat'day night!
On the bedpost overnight
(2nd Voice: A dollar is a dollar and a dime is a dime!)
He'd sing another chorus but he hasn't got the time!
On the bedpost overnight, yeah!

You have far too much time on your hands child !

Anyways.......how are you, sunshine ?

Sober, but that will be temporary, I'm sure. I have this entire week off, I was to freelance yesterday, today, and tomorrow. They cancelled these first two days but are paying me half rate anyway, so I can't complain. Tomorrow I'll be covering the International Figureskating Championships here in Vancouver, if you watch I'll be the one going up and down on a camera crane at the end of the rink. Still alone and somewhat h***y as hades but Mrs. Thumb and her four daughters will help with that later.. Sorry if that is a bit off colour, I always get jittery and nervous before a big shoot. You should hear me when I do something like the Olympics! Can't shut me the hell up!

Enough of me talking about me, time for you to talk about me now...

Just kidding, how are you?

Sounds like you're having fun over there ...

Hey, will you be able to get through something like figureskating when you're feeling so...itchy ? I don't even know if they'll be showing it here, but I will look for the man with the camera looking decidedly hot and bothered...

And don't worry about being "off colour" let's not forget I spend most of my life at a pub...surrounded by pub boys ...and before that I went to an all girls catholic school...so my mind was already in the gutter...and since then the rest of me has decided to join it ...

...I think I'm destined to be single for the rest of my life...I'm not going to worry about it too much though, I think having a "partner" would seriously hinder my dreams of becoming "crazy old hippy lady on a motorbike" when I get older ...

...I have a temporary boyfriend at the moment though , he's only in the country for a month, and he'll be out of the state by the end of the week or something...but in the meantime I at least have...distraction...

PS - where I come from it's "Mrs Palmer and her five daughters"

Our version of Mrs. Thumb/Palmer comes from an old film shot here decades ago *McCabe and Mrs. Miller*, I think it got changed for some reason or other and it just stuck here.

I'll be on the crane, which is a big counterbalance arm I sit on the end of while it goes up and down. And usually I get a little more relaxed before I get to work...

By the way, the *Swing Low* actions? Imagine ten or so fairly drunk men on the dance floor or stage....*Swing Low* (men act out swinging a baby low to the ground) *sweet* (fingers kissed) *chariot* (miming driving a chariot) *coming* (miming masturbating) *for* (four fingers) *to* (two fingers) *carry* (the baby again) *me* (point at self) *home* (arms pointing like roof over head). My favourite part is the *band* (everyone mimes a different instrument) *of angels* (flap arms). Has to be seen to be believed.....

Ok, I'm going to practice and see if I can get a group to do it on Friday

Off to lunch now, but shall be back soon

Do you realise how hard it is to coordinate a group of drunken yobbos ?

Hullo, luv!

Bit lonely tonight, how are you?

Hello dearest !!

D@mn I wish you weren't so far away...all we'd need is a bottle of scotch and the rest would take care of itself (not in a smutty way, in a "let's be mates and get smashed" kind of way !).

I adopted an American the weekend before last, so I'm tired fropm walking all weekend and very sunburnt (the sun doesn't like me )...but apart from that everything seems to be ok !!

How goes it there darlin'? How was the skating ?

Skating was very good, I may have redeemed myself enough to do the Olympics again. I shone as a bit of a Rock Star, so who knows.

A *jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou* would do me fine right now. A bottle of scotch might even do better...

Did your adopted American express thanks? He should, you are very much worth it.

I still have one more day off, and of course I have three days worth of things to do in it. I hope all is well with you?

Skating was very good, I may have redeemed myself enough to do the Olympics again. I shone as a bit of a Rock Star, so who knows.

A *jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou* would do me fine right now. A bottle of scotch might even do better...

Did your adopted American express thanks? He should, you are very much worth it.

I still have one more day off, and of course I have three days worth of things to do in it. I hope all is well with you?

Ah bless you son !

Yeah, he's catching a bus to Adelaide tonight...I'm already feeling a little yuck about it all...but it's been swell, and now the swelling's gone down

Have you ever thought of moving to Australia...we have camera guys down here too!!

(Pay no attention to me...I'm feeling a littler precious today )

Glad the gig went well...you know the skating is one of the few things I watch at the Olympics, so if you're in, wear a bright top so I can tape you

They give us clothes to wear, but I'll point myself out...

Glad to hear the swelling's down already and not continuing for 9 months...

I have two friends down there in the business, I'll not mention their names any more than you should know if I know *Joe* in Toronto. The world is a small place, who knows, maybe we may share that bottle one day...

Off to bed now, a little early but it's been a full day.

Well in the meantime, and goodnight !