Journal Entries
Iago NaJoPoMo 2
Posted Nov 2, 2012
One of the nice things about this week is I'm getting a lot of reading done and some of it is really thought-provoking. Today I came across this:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/02/gay-marry-man
Ignoring the click-bait title, it's about a guy who no longer feels being gay is an essential part of his identity: he's in a long-term, happy relationship with another bloke and he doesn't feel the need to be public in his sexuality. I don't agree with his sentiments but it's an interesting look at sexuality versus identity.
The history of gay activism is a fascinating one and particularly the schism between the assimilationists, who believed the route to equality was acting like straights, and the liberationists, who rejected the structures of straight society and believed equality would come via activism. One particularly interesting point is that assimilationists postulated an 'end of gay history' when equality and acceptance was achieved and people would become 'post-gay' - no longer needing to define themselves as gay, because being gay becomes an uncontroversial issue. People like the author of the article, and some of my RL friends, make me think we are rapidly approaching that point.
We're not there yet though, and this is where the authors point falls down. Gay people may want to describe themselves as post-gay, but the laws aren't there yet and opponents of gay equality still hold the power to define gay people legally. A post-gay can't fight this: only way to fight it is to accept the label the law gives us and fight on their turf, which is why being gay is an important part of my identity. We're not at the end of gay history yet.
Still, I think the assimilationists got it wrong: even when we reach the end of gay history (and I think with gay marriage we will pretty much be there) we will need gay folk, not just post-gay folk because it doesn't stop. People talk about coming out as if it's one event, whereas the truth is I've lost count of the number of times I'm come out: it's something you have to do time and time again. Same goes for gay history: people will keep on figuring they're gay and some of them will want/need a sense of what that means, a sense of who that makes them. Gay history is fascinating and that needs passing down lest we forget what we've learned and the struggle for gay rights can/will inform the next human rights battle. Gay history may be mostly written but I think bi and trans history is only just hitting its stride.
Although I consider myself an assimilationist and want nothing more than a 'normal' life, I don't think I'll ever be post-gay: I want to be one of those people who keeps gay history going because its lessons and battles need remembering and the kids (and adults - I know blokes who only figured their sexuality out in their thirties/forties) who are only just realising who they are need access to their heritage.
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Latest reply: Nov 2, 2012
NaJoPoMo 1
Posted Nov 1, 2012
I'm not off to the best start for the month: I'm really struggling for anything to say. Main reason for this is because I'm on half-term and I've spent the past week utterly devoted to relaxation: the final few weeks of term were horrific so I'm recharging my batteries before I go back on Monday.
This November is going to be interesting: I've got some cool work stuff coming up. Next Wednesday is going to be particularly interesting as I'll be trying a full day on no sleep - I'll be staying up all night for the US election.
So that's post no. 1: I'll try to make the next 29 more interesting/focused/coherent.
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Latest reply: Nov 1, 2012
NaJoPoMo warning
Posted Oct 31, 2012
I'm doing NaJoPoMo again this year so if people don't want to be spammed by my musings, you might want to unsubscribe for a month.
Now I need to figure out what I'm going to say.
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Latest reply: Oct 31, 2012
It's all just a little bit of history repeating
Posted Oct 15, 2012
One of the more amusing bits of my job is when I come across something I did in my previous job. I'm now attending the kind of events I used to run and, when I ran them, I developed quite a reputation for making new stuff rather than using other peoples resources so my work is pretty distinctive. More than once I've complimented people on their presentations, particularly the writing, because I wrote it and a couple of times me (and my students) have had a laugh because folk have copied my presentations so lazily, they've left in the original photos of me.
Last week I had a visitor from my former employer, trying to sell their activity day. One thing they were particularly proud of was the campus scavenger trail as it was pretty unique. (Me) "Oh, you like the scavenger trail?", (Them) "Yeah, it really engages them and gets them around the campus without it being as formal or dry as a campus tour." (Me again) "You're too kind - I wrote it" - this person had no idea.
Today, I had another example. School got an invite to take part in a programme of extra classes held at the university on a Saturday morning. Even though it's mainly aimed at GCSE students and I'm Sixth Form, I was asked to co-ordinate it (because the school is starting to realise if you want something done right, ask me or m'colleague to do it). I laughed, then laughed again, and then laughed some more. And then I said no. This programme had been the bane of my life when I worked for the Uni, like Dr Frankenstein I created a monster and it turned on me.
The Head of Sixth Form pressed me for a reason why (I normally do as I'm asked, she's not used to hearing me say no) and I just got her to call the person who'd sent us the invite and mention my name. The person in question was someone I'd had murder with, mainly over this 
ing project and her response was basically "No, you might want to pick someone else to do this."
Funny how these things keep on coming back.
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Latest reply: Oct 15, 2012
What a week!
Posted Oct 6, 2012
I'm now sat at home, stubbornly refusing to move from the sofa. Decided the only time I'm moving is to eat and go to bed: everything else can wait until Monday. After the week I've had I think I've earned it.
It's funny how little things can be so massive when they bring their friends along to play too. Every single thing that's caused me grief this week could be ignored under normal circumstances but they've all hit at once and by yesterday I was just a physical wreck. There was almost an element of morbid curiosity to it: I haven't felt so utterly exhausted since I was at university and it's nice to see how I held up.
First problem was my family staging on of their ever so delightful intrusions into my life. My family flare up as an issue every so often but I've gotten pretty good at building a firewall to protect myself from the worst of their nonsense. Problem is now I've got someone who is making it their mission to remove this firewall: she's trying to do it for the right reasons but isn't taking into account that I *want* the firewall, when I have to deal with my family I find I can't sleep. So this week I've only been eking out a few hours each night. Which is fine, I can handle a week of little sleep, I used to work on summer schools where I'd do 18 hour days on less than 3 hours sleep a night.
Then we had work, and some times work is the gift that keeps on giving. This week was one of those times. On Monday I had the day of the abusive parents, on Tuesday the entire 6th form decided, en masse, to kick off, on Wednesday me and m'colleague had a major event to run: took months to arrange but it went off flawlessly. Thursday it was colleagues turn to annoy me: they'd 'arranged' (in the loosest sense of the word) an event, asking for my help and when said help was provided, instead of gratitude, they were actively rude and their event was an absolute disaster (note to self: never help with an event me or m'colleague haven't had complete control over). Friday, apart from a major head wound and broken arm to deal with, was pretty standard but pretty standard when utterly exhausted isn't good: at one point I had 6 people demanding my attention simultaneously and 3 of them were assistant heads. It doesn't help that the school seems to be the incubator for about half-a-dozen different strains of cold at the moment and I'm getting all of them one after the other.
Still work has always been and will always be a chaotic shower of and I've made my peace with it. Plus it often surprises by being fun, or funny, or making me proud. On Monday I was in hysterics because a parent (who'd previously been perfectly fluent in English) demanded a interpreter to talk to me. During a long and acrimonious meeting, I unthinkingly answered a question she'd asked in Urdu before it'd been translated. The look on her face was priceless as she realised I'd been able to understand the abuse she'd been spouting and the interpreter had been too polite to translate. She quickly made her excuses and left the building. I'm also bizarrely proud of one of the lads who told me off on Friday for giving him the brush-off: he was so polite, so determined and so *right*.
My life has also been unusually busy: on Monday and Tuesday evening I had Urdu class more-or-less straight after work, on Wednesday night I had my counselling, on Thursday I had the aforementioned debacle at work and then yesterday I went to see a poorly friend and do some stuff for him. This all meant that I've been getting up at 5.30, leaving the house before 7am and not getting back until after 10pm on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, and not before 8pm Thursday and yesterday. It's probably for the best I've not seen anyone whilst cycling this week because I'd have happily murdered strangers when I was out in the freezing bitter darkness this week.
All of these combined left me so far beyond tired, I have no words to describe it. At the end of the school day yesterday, my line manager came into my office where I was slumped over a personal statement and commented that I looked exhausted: I think my manic laugh scared her a little and I explained that I was tired on Wednesday, by Friday I wasn't sure how or why I was still standing.
But here's the thing: I was still standing. If I totted up everything I did last week, it'd be an impressive list for a good week, let alone a week where I was so severely impaired. I loved the Urdu classes and I'm clearly making use of them, the event me and m'colleague ran on Wednesday was a huge success and has been complimented as such by everyone involved, my 6th formers were the one bright spot in a ruinous night for the school on Thursday and (most importantly for me) when my friend needed me on Friday I was able to suck it up and be there for him. That's a remarkable set of achievements from a week that, not too long ago, would have seen me either get a sick note or a suspension from work.
So today and tomorrow I'm luxuriating in the sensation of doing absolutely nothing.
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Latest reply: Oct 6, 2012
HonestIago
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