Journal Entries
The canine hits the campus
Posted Feb 27, 2004
Oh that's nice, a demonstration. Cars tooting, students holding banners, Oh yes I like this. Will I sign the petition? Um…should a grown up who is going to be a teacher sign petitions I wonder? And wear a sticker? Well I suppose it is pink and it would look rather nice against my black jumper. Allright so it's not Prada. Students don't do Prada, trust me I know; even black and stylish is borderline. Thank goodness Emily lent me her Peruvian coat of many colours. It may be a little loud but it screams 'student'. The gorgeous George, our tutor has already laid claim to it.
Half eight, oh good I've got time to go to the Ref. Rather an odd name for a restaurant I think, 'The Ref.' but it does do a very nice line in mocha cappuccino, or is that choco express? I really can't see which button I'm pressing at this hour. Did I really stay up 'til half past two? And sober? Thank goodness for preparation H at least the damage is minimised.
Brrrrrrrrr Brrrrrrrrrrr
'Morning Patrick'.
'Where are you? I've been calling on your land line for ages.''
' Excuse me Patrick, I am a student now. Students have to go to college and do student things, I'm not quite sure what they are but I'm working on it.'
'Did you do your homework?'
'Of course I did my b****y homework! I was up till two b****y thirty doing my homework.'
'Just checking, there's no need to be rude. What's the matter?'
'Nothings the matter. Everything is fine. There's a demonstration going on and it's proper student land.'
'You've got teaching practice today haven't you?'
'Shut up!'
'Uh uh that's why you're in a funny mood. Catch you later byeee.'
It's only teaching practice, practice, remember? It can't be that bad.
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'How did it go? Oh my g*d you're eyes are all red you've been crying. You look appalling! Tears don't suit you!'
'Patrick I was dreadful!'
'Don't be silly you can't have been dreadful, you don't do dreadful, you don't even do average.'
'Trust me sh*t doesn't come in a larger size; I was pants!'
'Shall we go to the pub? We could? But you mustn't tell anyone or I'm dead! I promised Angela and Baleesha that I would let you study and I wouldn't annoy you for four weeks.'
'I can't go to the pub. I've got an assignment to finish and teaching practice to prepare for tomorrow and as for the b****y grammar what the hell is a modal auxiliary when it's at home and quite frankly has it got any friends at all? S*d it let's go to the pub!'
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Brrrrrrrr Brrrrrrr
Ohhhhh my head hurts!
Brrrrrrrr Brrrrrrr
Where's the phone?
Brrrrrrrr Brrrrrrr
What time is it? Six thirty!
Brrrrrrrr Brrrrrrr
Dear god I only crawled into bed at four.
'Hello? Oh Hello Malcolm how's Cambodia? …Well I told you, you wouldn't like it, you are so not a backpacker…I know you're not backpacking but I suspect Five star Cambodian hotels lose a little in the translation, hang on I've got to find the Berocca…No I did not get rat arsed! I went for a drink with Patrick and Chloe; two glasses of wine that was it, but I've been up all night studying…what's the weather like?'
Derr! It's hot you stupid cow what else would it be?
'Anything I'd like? Where from? Do they have shops in Cambodia? Oh you're off to Thailand today are you? A watch would be cool, I need one for teaching practice…Yes I know I hate watches…Yes I know I can tell the time by the sun but that's not going to be a lot of use when I'm stuck in the b****y Rainforest! Speak to Amanda? Oh OK, I'll just put the kettle on. Hi Amanda… Well that's just terrific. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you are tanned to perfection and totally rested…What? Oh the watch. I don't care what make it is…Don't be daft I can't afford a Rolex! …..…No, not even a copy, I can't even afford a box of matches! Just a watch that goes and is big enough for me to see…Oh Ha b****y Ha, Big Ben, very droll. Allright, yes it would be nice if it went with black. Listen I have to go or I'll be late for college. No it's fine, piece of cake, I'll speak to you both tomorrow, bye.'
Where's the tea? Where are the mugs? What's all that paper doing everywhere? The kitchen is a disaster zone. When did the children come back? Oh my god they didn't! This is all me. I don't do mess, I do tidy, I do show house and white cushions, I'm going to cry. Don't be silly you're going to have a cup of tea. That's what you do in emergencies 'have a cup of tea'. Milk? Fridge? No… On top of the cooker. Of course, silly me, where else would it be?
It's off! It's worse than off, it's Camembert! Oh dear god I really am a student!
Discuss this Journal entry [14]
Latest reply: Feb 27, 2004
A natural born student?
Posted Feb 17, 2004
Possibly not.
How can one incur a hangover when not one drop of alcohol has been consumed? Head exercises are not my idea of a good night out.
I don't believe it! Why is the paying in book still on the table? Patrick promised he'd come round yesterday to pick it up. How come I've only just noticed it? Oh yes that nasty thing called 'homework' had my undivided attention...most unnatural.
Right take the paying in book round to Angela, she won't forget.
Oh look! Homework all done and nestling smugly in very smart looking briefcase, black of course. I think it is a designer something or other...thank you Baleesha a lovely leaving present. Don't think I should attempt the putting a secret code in game, I have enough trouble finding my car in the morning a secret code would I suspect be far too challenging.
Oh perhaps Angela could get me some shampoo as well?
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Not bad girl. Half past eight. Angela has bank book and shopping list, you are an hour early for college and there are masses of parking spaces. This isn't going to be so bad after all.
Time for one last ciggy? Where did I put them? In my briefcase, which is where?
ON THE B****Y KITCHEN TABLE!
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Brrrrrrr Brrrrrrr
'Hello Patrick'
'How did it go?'
'Well if you'd remembered to collect my paying in book yesterday it would have gone a whole lot better!'
'I don't understand why did you need your paying in book for college?'
'I didn't! Oh never mind'
It really isn't worth the effort.
'Can you come out to play?'
'No I can't I have work to do. Tomorrow I have to answer the student question 'Is must the same as have to?' In thirty seconds.
'Well that can't be too difficult if you've only got to speak for thirty seconds'
'Oh you don't think so? One bl**dy grammar book alone has four pages on the subject, I daren't even open the other two!
'Mmmmm could be a bit tricky. Can't you just read the first line?'
Ignore him.
'I also have to start my first asignment tonight. 1800 words with seven headings to discuss my obsevations and knowledge gained from a four and a half hour lesson in Hungarian!'
'Hungarian? Why are you learning Hungarian? I thought you were learning English. Did you go into the wrong class?'
'No I did not go into the wrong class. They just wanted us to have a four and a half hour lesson in Hungarian.'
He is right; it is most bizarre.
'That's just stupid! You don't speak a word of Hungarian! Did you understand anything?'
'Oh and just in case I get bored I have to plan a 'micro teach' for Thursday and somehow I don't think it has anything to do with ovens...Now s*d off I have work to do!'
Discuss this Journal entry [8]
Latest reply: Feb 17, 2004
OK I give up
Posted Feb 16, 2004
Isn't it bad enough that I have spent the past few months travelling around the planet with a bunch of maladjusted fish, sheep, birds, aquatics and disfunctional humans?
No, obviously not. Trust me real life is merely a parody of the NSS. that or the story is more real than reality.
Today I have been travelling in a brain. A brain on a white board. My travelling companions include, on the lower deck a crocodile who is apparently there to take care of me. Move up a deck and we meet the rabbit who's function I have yet to comprehend. The top deck is split into two rooms. A bearded ageing hippy with a predilection for throwing coloured paper into the air lives in the room on the right and the room on the left is occupied by a pen pushing bureaucrat. The ageing hippy's paper finds its way into the bureaucrat's room by way of a donkey bridge...and I thought we had lost the plot!
'Tense? Why should I be tense? Presently I am perfectly calm though I fear in the future I could become progressively irritated and we are not even going to discuss my past!'
Apostrophes are my nocturnal retail therapy. I don't suppose they have a black one in a size ten?
I'd better ask tomorrow.
Discuss this Journal entry [13]
Latest reply: Feb 16, 2004
Happy Birthday to boots.
Posted Jan 7, 2004
There has been an issue with rendering this post, please contact the editors.
Discuss this Journal entry [24]
Latest reply: Jan 7, 2004
Happy New Year!
Posted Jan 1, 2004
Happy New Year to my favourite lurkers!
Have had interesting festive fiasco...not all bad and lots of partying. No doubt the unofficial version will appear in next weeks h2g2 post. Current hangover restricting any kind of skills - creative, sensitive or technical.
Have just got back from new years eve party in the big house....I mean BIG house. Had my own suite for the night with key to prevent intruders! How cool is that?
Lots of dancing, copious quantities of champagne, mooning in the street at midnight (The Family New Year tradition...alas only three of us this year but we still have great arses)
Breakfast with tiny children - I got the early morning nanny detail - staff had they day off - as they do. They (the children not the staff) seemed quite happy with hot chocolate and left over cold chicken Korma and, as most of you know, I don't do cooking, not even for children, amend, especially not for children!
Then swim in pool with said revolting little things. Eventually the rest of the assorted overnight guests surfaced and we had champagne in the sauna, which is apparantly not a good thing to do but divinely decadent, a quick drip in the steam room and back upstairs (in the lift!!!) for a shower.
Reality check now as back to work tomorrow. Grubby fingernails and chilblains - whoopee! Only six weeks to go then I have to get a proper day job...well that'll be interesting.
Went walkabout for a while between Christmas and New year. Got in car with overnight bag (credit card) and headed south. Walked round Stone Henge in the rain trying to aspire to glastonbury hippy chick status...failed miserably. Drove to Salisbury and did a bit of retail therapy and the crossing religious thresholds game...pretty building the Cathedral but I so don't do houses full of dead bodies.
Drove across country (b roads) - railway to my left, river to my right and cars only every ten miles with the speakers turned up so loudly I almost convinced myself I was a boy racer! Sixties and seventies classics blaring...divine!
Checked into hotel in Bath, bit of sightseeing but getting dark so bought paper went into pub ordered drink and checked out the local cinemas.
Bawled my way through 'love actually' and then took myself out to dinner.
Rudely awoken next morning by friends certain that I had by now slit my wrists or at the very least hung myself with the shower curtain. After an hour of this decided that I might as well be back at home so switched the phone off.
Did more sightseeing in town and another bl**dy dead body building - Bath Abbey. First one in even. Do you know they tell you that?
'You're the first one in this morning.'
As if you care. Felt I should really go out again and wait for a crowd to latch onto...rent a worshipper. Revisted all the haunts I knew in that magical city, the guildall, the pump room, the Roman baths, the green Man (now pose-illy called the little green house) The Salamander...no longer a seedy dive but a positively respectable trendy bohemian restaurant, Sally Lunn's Tea room and Hand's Dairy (now pose-illy called Hands Tea room...what tourism does for a city!)
Thought I'd better drop in on the old alma mata and had my suspicions firmly confirmed...adore Bath but definitely hated school!
Headed for Cheddar (decided a walk in the gorge might be fun) but the fog was too bad
so took myself back to Langridge Meadow and walked by the great river, which is really a stream.
Then home the long way via Salisbury Plain this time. But I did it! And all by myself. I think a turning point.
Ravager pup goes travelling at the end of the month and Baby boots goes back to Aberbloodydeen tomorrow so I think February will be the next biggy, but as I start the TEAFL course on the 16th I am hoping that throwing myself back into education (Hmm just remembered wasn't too keen on that the first time round...b*****ks! have to work on that one) and a possible new career will keep me focussed.
The rest will have to wait for Hootoo 
Hope you all survived the festive fallout and thank you all for being here.
take care
boots
PS see you at the meet.
PPS read of the week A2156285 very clever Pin!
Discuss this Journal entry [8]
Latest reply: Jan 1, 2004
Boots
Researcher U214221
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