h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

No need to be 'soz', Rik, that's what we're here for as my contributions show. Re the poem - I suggest you sit down in front of the pc with your favourite tipple - or two - oh heel, why not the whole bottle and spill your heart out, then sleep on it then hack it about.
No one will think ill of you for being a bit flowery if that's how you feel - many of them will appreciate it and the others will hide their tears that you jerk out of them.
And whatever you do, don't worry if the occasion gets to you and you choke up in the midlle of it. They can't throw you out. Just pause and they'll all wait.

Soz from me, now for going on, too.

And a big hello to Tickle! Lovely to have you aboard, just a shame about the situation that brought you here. Anyway, hope you'll chime in whenever you want - we do waffle on quite a bit.

I'm off into town now - library to look up the Which? on vacuum cleaners - our Hoover dust manager couldn't manage a speck in a pile, and it's filters are so complicated! Youre' supposed to wash them all out once a month but then they take days to dry. So it's farewell Dust Manager and hello.....? What? We shall see!!

Folly, I noticed some balls of Pixie-fluff on the sitting room rug that the old hoover hadn't picked up. I took my ancient brush-o-matic to the rug. Argh - what a horrid surprise. Half of Pixie seemed to be on that rug! I scoured the whole rug (and it's a large one) and got enough fur off it to knit into a cosy cardi for me! Crumbs!

Hello Rick and Folly. And W4aT - if you are here with us.

Rick, I hope that everything went smoothly at the funeral.I prayed today for you and your family as well as yesterday.

I had a long coastal walk today. Now I'm suffering! My back and legs ache so much. But I saw lots of teal and common shelduck. And 2 kingfishers together. And a huge flock of beautiful lapwings.

Hi everybody,well I was certainly glad to get back home yesterday after the funeral,an end to a long day.

It all started well enough my sister and her son picked us up at 8-30am and we set the sat nav and headed south on the M5 for bristol crem,as usual we were very early arriving at 10-15 for the 11 o-clock service.

It was remarkable weather for the time of year the sun was low in the sky and there was a slight breeze,after removing my heavy wax jacket from the car boot (as usual must be an age thing)Mr intrepid here set off in search of the nearest loo,following the arrowed signs (only me?) ended up at the proffessional end of the crem as I entered the large oak timbered doors an undertaker walked towards me in a rather large top hat,realising something appeared wrong,I meekly said:"err where's the loo round here mate"to which the rather stern gentleman replied:"not in here sir,you have come into the wrong entrance" he then explained twice where the other entrance with the loos were,cursing the obviously incorrect arrow I eventually obtained relief.

Arriving back to the others the crowd had swelled some,recognising a few faces I went on the obligatory hand shaking rounds,then we all stood waiting for the hearse to arrive.

I suppose in all there were about 45 of us following in sombre fashion behind the coffin.

Where a lady stood next to a microphone in a small pulpit?once we were all in she asked us all to sit and read out a short prayer.

The only hymn chosen was fight the good fight,although the lady conducting the service was a good singer half the congregation appeared to either mumble or remain quiet.

Followed by another mumbled attempt at the Lords prayer and a final reading from the scriptures we went smoothly into the Green green grass of home(from old T Jones,my bro's request,he actually wanted Sex bomb)then military fashion we all played follow the leader into the garden's of rememberance.

The next phase saw most of us clamber into numerous vehicles and head off for Weston-S-M for the boozer,I was unimpressed by the pub it was a shabby cottage style pub with exposed timbers in the ceilings,the buffet seemed to be all supermarket food and you even had to pay for a cup of tea.

So instead of being the playful puppy let off the lead in the bar I was drinking awful tasting beer(I suppose I had to try a few different brands just in case it was my pallete)I must admit I said my goodbyes early and was back at home by 6pm.

What really saddened me most of all is that my Bro's two eldest children from his first marraige failed to attend,why do people think they have the right to choose their parents?

Ah well, Rick, the day went as well as possible. I WAS thinking of you all.

Hi everybody,I trust all is well.
After yet another lazy week at home I am begining to wonder how I ever found the time to work.

Ahh well all good things must come to an end,next week I am going to attempt to sort out the business of going self employed(sole trader I believe the modern description is)I have looked at the CIS helpline but it all looks a little scary,well the income tax side anyway.

As it stands at the moment I would have to sign off at the extremely busy job centre and pay my own stamps even though any work I do I wont get paid for a month(ish)but I have been given some self employed tasks at the end of next week

So perhaps next Monday new week new start

Hello, fellow dreamers. Hope you're all sweet rather than sad.
Glad to hear you got the redundancy payment sorted out so quickly, Rikii. And the very best of luck with your self-employed venture. Will you be getting sub-contract work with businesses or are you setting yourself up as a handyman?
I seem to see you around quite a lot on hootoo, Folly. I'm surprised I haven't seen you on the BAD POETRY thread. Mind you, I've just unsubscribed - it's too bad even for me.
Polly, are you hiding away in shame after having that post removed? . I hope not: the Poet Tree is rather lifeless without you. Or do I mean leafless?

Have a good weekend y'all.

Arternoon, all!

I too am having some time at home - more than I usually do as the minibus driving isn't v busy at present. Gives me more time for my parish clerk responsibilities and other stuff and my intention is to get out on my bike - but I'm a fairweather cyclist so not yet!

Glad to see you're thinking about going s/e, Rikk. Best of luck with that. You could start in a casual way, keep all your receipts etc till you've built it up and then register. That way you get some income until you can afford not to warrant it. The jobcentre will doubtless want some of their payments back, but then you can come to a deal with them. Also, re tax, have a friendly word with an accountant - usually first appointment is free, and they can point you in the direction of what you can set against tax etc.
I know it was about 40-50 yerars ago, but my dad was s/e and he could even claim for dog food for a guard on his materials. I doubt you can get that now, but there are plenty of legal dodges.

And Tickle, yes I do get on the Limericks threads a bit but I am getting a bit fed up with them, so I'm easing off them now. Also, the song title threads seem to go round in circles which is a bit annoying. Perhaps it's time to set up some new games. Any ideas?

Are you there, Polly? I think I've cought you on a poem/lim thread here and there. Are you well? And also, of course, how's the most important one of our 'team'? The furry one, I mean

Hi! Yes I'm here with the boss. I've just eaten two slices of a Waitrose creamy tarte citron~~~and it's now annoying my poorly tooth.

I could say serve you right, but I wouldn't wish toothache on anybody.

Just keep thinking about the taste of citron...start thinking...keep on thinking....now, you're beginning to doze...you're going into a dream....it's full of tartes citrons...it's like heaven...

There you are, Poll!! Toothache gone?

Sunday tomorrow and I'm preaching at my home church, which is nice, 'cos they're all friends and say nice things afterwards. I'm preaching on Paul's conversion and Jesus' call of the first disciples, so it's all about following the call and there's some good hymns. Do you know the Iona song 'The Summons'? Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
And Here I am Lord?
Two of my favourites.

Hope you have all had a good Saturday. I've been varnishing our new staircase - all spindles and very fiddley, but the result is very good, although I'm only a quarter way through. I should finish it all during the week.

Have a good Sunday you lot

Hugs all round

Hi Folly and Rick.

Folly, I love the hymn/song 'Here I Am Lord'. I enjoy playing it on the piano.

My tooth was OK by nesting time. But thank you for the MB hypnosis!!

How are you, Rick?


Love to both of you.

Polly

XXXX

Hi everybody,Polly I am not too bad at the moment although I am not looking forward to phoning and sorting out this self employed palaver tomorrow.
I am a little concerned that that dodgy tooth of yours remains unfixed,are you scared of the dentist or is it a matter of finances?

Folderol are your gnashers all ready to bite

Hi tickle,I was sorry to hear that like myself you are tightening your belt,I had my electric bill yesterday £157 and I only live in a shoebox,remorseless bills,the clutch went yesterday in the nippers car(he's 26)so I suppose dopey here will be expected to bung again,still no good smiling as knowbody would recognise me

nobody even

Hi Rick.

There is no NHS dentist hereabouts. Not even in Lymington! I really cannot afford private dentistry.

Brrr, I'm beginning to feel cold after having no heating on today.

Bills, bills, bills.....I dread the lot of them! I wonder if Pixie has anything tucked away for that rainy day! I might raid his piggy-bank.

Why are you unrecognisable, Rick? Have you slimmed down to a mere slip of a lad? Or have you had a perm that has gone wrong? Remember those days when men had curly perms?!

Arternoon all! What a pig of a day it is. Heavy rain followed by grey, grey, grey. Doesn't make you feel sheerful at all, does it. Let's all emigrate to Australia, shall we?

Gnashers are fine at pres, Rik, thanks. So much so that I'm considering not having the bad one out - it's due to cost about £250 which I can't really afford. If I leave it long enough I may be able to claim any work done on the dentiplan I started recently. £7 per month but oyu have to pay for 3 months before you can claim. That 3 months is up - would you believe, a few days after my appointment to remove the bad tooth. And anyway it is what the Dentiplan people call a pre-existing condition, so I suppose I will ahve to cough up sooner or later. I might summon up courage to speak to the dentist about NHS treatment, but he tends to look down his nose and make you feel like the scum of the earth.

The centre is cuttingmy driving down again - only one and a half days next week. The idea originally was 3 1/2 days a week. As I dare say you're finding, Rik, no other driving jobs about, although I haven't tried the local schools yet. but then they mainly exist on teachers and volunteers for their minibuses.

MOH and I are also looking at marketing our house in Spain more actively to rty to get more income from that. There may be a prob there, ttoo, as it's north of Barcelona and there's been som e structural damamge around there by the recent storms. I've emailed our agent to have a look for us. Keeping fingers corssed that the tall pines around our house haven't succumbed to the storms.

Hugs all round

I'm awaiting judgement about the tall Cypresses that surround my tiny home. My letter about them is now a legal document. So please, dear Rick and Folly, in future doff your caps when addressing me and Pixie. We are on important display somewhere.

Hi team,Polly are you trying to get those trees lopped down a bit?
It must be awfully dark and dank surrounded by tall trees a bit like living under the canopy in the jungle,yuck.

I managed to cheer myself up a bit today by meeting a few workmates who are also working for themselves,I'm going to Worcester tomorrow to fit some metal windows and doors in a school,it'll be a hard day after three months dossing.

I'm also working in Middlesborough same sort of thing outside on the scaffolding for the weekendish and I have only a month to wait for some wages,great.

Folderol you really should try wire fine wool to gently cut into the surface of your varnish undercoat it is so much quicker and cleaner than sanding (vitually no dust) or you could use green scotchbrite as it follows the shape of the balusters better.though if the balusters/spindles are square take extra care not to take the corners off as you will be back to sqare one with your first coat,are you using polyurathane based or a type of yacht varnish or shellac or just plain ronseal

Hi Rik. I'm using common old Ronseal, but unfortunately, we chose a coloured varnish and then compounded the error by getting the quick drying sort. So, the first coat is on, but it looks so blotchy because you only need to leave a spindle half done for a few minutes and it half dries and causes an edge which shows up. As some of the spindles are hard to get to all the way round, I'm having to do one side then quickly dash downstairs and up a ladder to do the other side before it dries. The spindles are aquare ended but cylindrical in the middle section like a stone balustrade in a country house estate (Delusions of grandeur or what? )

I've got some very fine sandpapaer (called 'flour' - it's the finest you can get) so I should get a good finish, smooth wise, but that doesn't solf the blotchiness. I'm hoping that the more coats, the better it will look.

Also, where I didn't quite get all the old paint off with the Nitromores, the wood isn't quite bare and the paleness of the residue paint shows up. I think I'm going to have to do a lot more work on them there stairs! I have got some wire wool, which I used to rub down an old chair, and I might try as you suggest if the sand paper doesn't do the trick.

Anyway, thanks for your help in this.

Glad to hear you're getting some work even if only spasmodic - it's a start. Let's hope it multiplies, depsite the economic 'downturn'.

Hello also to Tickle and Polly. Trust you are well and enjoying this grotty weather we've had this last day or two!!

Love you all

Hi team,yes I am at home a last minute cancellation and our job is delayed till Tuesday

So I will have to go shopping now tomorrow with Mrs cut out