h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That should be RULE FOUR - longer sentences now allowed.

I never have been particularly good at this Jobsworth stuff. Some are born Jobsworths, others become Jobsworths, and those like me have Jobsworth stuff forced upon them.

Hopefully soon I will be going to watch the Star Trek film. And to boldy go when no one has gone before. Full of fascinating characters and their quirks, figting against the rebellious Romulans. As they fly faster than the speed of light, Kirk and Spock fight another day, in their inimitable way.

Now shake your head, said the Gurkha. The Minister did so and his head fell off. How did you do that? said the head. With a trick that Purdy taught me, he said. That's absolutely fabulous, said the Minister's head.

Shall I row?
Yes, you row!
Why?
Because we are in a you row zone.
How many you rows to the pound then?

Perhaps I should have, after all I was asked quite nicely.
But it is a bit like being asked to scratch you right elbow with you right hand.
Perhaps in the far future when evolution has supplied us with tentacles it might be possible.
Then it might be fun.
Who knows.

The entries are getting better and better!

Deciding to do something productive with my time, I turned the telly off and started to play Beethoven's Fifth on my dad's trumpet. I don't know much about classical music, and I'm not all that good on the trumpet, but I must have been doing all right, because the neighbours soon came round, shouting encouragement and throwing bricks through the windows so they could hear me better.

The lazy Golden Jabberwocky walked idly from the beast doctor's surgery with his tail in his arms, and a smile on his lazy face. He made his way slowly and lazily to the beach where the lobster injections could be had for little more than a bucket full of fresh winkles. The next day his tail had swollen to three times its normal size, and was very sore. Putting his tail in the shopping trolley, he made his shiftlessly idle way back to the beast doctor's cave.
"I said get a job, not get a jab!" scolded the beast doctor, reaching for a large jar of tail ointment.


(Sorry about that one Jabs. )

Right. That's it. Red card for you matey.

Jabs

Oh, all right. I hate to see anyone so upset. Make it a yellow.


Jabberwock

(not Jabberwocky - that's the name of the poem)

"He said what?" chronicles, part 1

"He said what?"

"Your father said that he's leaving home for a few months to do the hokey-pokey in every county in America."

"Don't you need a partner for that, Mom?"

"I'm not sure that applies when you've got two faces."

"He said what?" chronicles, part 2

"He said what?"

"He said he was going to share a bed with your boyfriend."

"Does that mean he's, like, gay?"

"Lurona, honey, they were at the garden store. I figure that means their flowers will sleep together."

She opened the window and a radioactive breeze charred her hair.

-Damm! I´m wrong again, I thought it was the day for Soft Marine Breeze!
She put her Mary Antoniette wig on and leant back on her chaise-lounge. Mr Freud entered her chamber after a few seconds later.

-Dear, you are the only patient I recommend to control impulses.

She shed a tear in her silver flask.

The dreamer dreams and through their dreams, maps life's journey. Hidden messages and metaphors, with answers to unanswerable questions. Giving clues about our life's purpose and the choices we could take. Voices from the past that echo in the present, giving our identity new meaning. Then through this source of inspiration, creativity is nurtured which helps us to create new possibilities in our lives.

My tale was about a lazy golden jabberwocky, Jabs, a totally different creature, and not a bit like your good self.

Oh, and I forgot to say, Frank, that your yellow card is therefore rescinded, (this being a single sentence Short Short).

Jabs