h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think I know how you feel, Pedantic. Some poets were lucky enough to live in times which, strangely, underrated Shakespeare, the lucky s*ds.

Here's an almost-true apocryphal story. In the days when any American musician performing in England was an Event, Ludwig drums got Joe Morello, Dave Brubeck's drummer, to come over to London to give a drum masterclass. All the best British professional jazz drummers were there. Soon afterwards, according to Ronnie Scott, all the music shops were selling first-class secondhand drums, and not selling any, not even Ludwigs. The drummers had all given up and were becoming bus drivers, waiters, hod carriers etc.
Joe Morello really was that good.

Jabs

A sweet little cat that is so charming.
Her name is Morag and she is very disarming.
When she meows it sounds like she is saying hello.
Morag moves with great grace from top to toe.
She will allow you to stroke her as she strolls.
Morag is such a sweet soul and giving happiness and unconditional love are her only goals.

I stroke gently across her and she responds in a friendly way.
Morag meows, then it turns into a purr, to say let's play.
What a devoted friend, she is so bighearted.
We cement our friendship and she plays with me placidly.
Her placid charm is very pleasing and alluring.

Morag always greets me with an smile that is is very reassuring.
She is very cuddly and will gladly play and shows great devotion.
Morag always attracts the bestin others and shows only pleasant emotions.
She is a very blessed cat that has many avid fans which I am one of them.
Her kindness is very catching as she is a real gem where only goodness stems from.

Big bad puddy tat
Leaps in the direction
Of what he's certain is a rat,
But is just his reflection.

A thousand apologies Jabs and Estrella but I fear you misread me. I never said (deliberately) who came out best in the comparison!

Of one thing I am quite sure:
Our poems, though bad, are quite pure.
We've talent enough,
But applying it's tough,
And (alas!) there is no known cure.

Thanks el D for that message
She's cheered up now over her porridge
She now thinks she might be better than Shakespeare -
There's hard times a-comin' I fear!

Jabs

Shakespeare's psychic wounds will soon heal.
He's done well for a guy who's not real.
If he ever existed,
His works might get twisted,
But as phantom he;s golden, I feel.

The lightening flashed
The thunder roared
And all the earth was shaken
Will' Shakespeare turned and ran indoors
And tried to save his Bacon.

HAMLET

by Estrella Cringe

[Improved Version - Reduced in size to the length of a poem so it's more concise, better written and not boring, it lasts for far less than four hours now and there's even a Celebrity in it.]

Oh, Hamlet one day thought he'd have a lark
And go and see his father's ghost after dark.
He didn't have a doggy, he didn't have a cat,
His name meant Little Village and that was that.

Oh, he was a dutiful son who loved his little old mother Gertrude so
But her new hubby Claudius had to go
To keep his daddy's ghost from feeling blue
Hamlet said "All the World's a Stage" and I think it's so very true - don't you?
He also said "To be or Not To Be" and that's as sweet and pretty as a song
(As long as you Respect and Love your mummy you can't go wrong)
He was tall and thin, without a fat tummy.
They say Tutankhamen also had a mummy
In fact lots of Egyptians had a mummy.

Ophelia was mad for Hamlet, Truly Madly Deeply in love
She drowned herself like a puppy or a falling dove
There were other characters like pompous Pulmonary Behind the Arras and his son Layabout and such
But they didn't amount to much.

In the final scene there was fighting and slaying
Till everyone was dead and praying.

Oh, and not to forget the famous Graveyard scene which is so
Famous. He went there with his handsome friend Horatio
Who never would become his foe
And said "Alas, poor Jordan, (a Celebrity is much more interesting than 'Yorick' for our readers - they always know best),
I knew her Horatio. A woman of infinite chest."

Bravo, bravo, encore

Upset this world, shake book from shelf
Remove pens now from imps and elf
Liberated no more, close feverish mind
Diets on dusty manuscripts find

Close curtain so outside world may not be seen
Burn book of lurid Jack and Bean
Speak not of current trendy things
Unless man act it who walked from wings

Perfection is the only gauge
Dated words spoke in odd language
Technique be mastered or written not
Read only Hamlet to babe in cot

When sterile land a lass be mine
Break my rule pose hefty fine
But from strong men come indifferent kind
Not laugh, respect, but have open mind.

Thanks, el D! I'm glad you had the wit to recognise the true genius in my modest attempt. It reflects so well on you and on your taste in literature!

Estrella



[and on your sense of humour, but don't tell her that I said it! -Jabs]

Shake the world, shake it awake
The morning of the day has come
The day that sees the mountains quake
All quiet riot will become

Shake the cities to the core
Shake cottage, house and hearth
Shake window, bed, shake floor and door
Shake heaven and shake earth

Shake sleepers and shake those who wait
Shake all that still have breath
Shake everyone to shake off fate
Shake off even death

Awake the heart that slept within
The time of sleep has passed
Awake to riot, let life begin

Y.
The day is here at last

The previous post caused some alarm,
As I lay sleeping.
I dreamt about the Funny Farm,
Which left me weeping.

Jock our family dog is greatly missed.
My happy memories of him will persist.
Jock would love his daily long walks.
He would go around the blocks.
Jock would always show great affection.
He could always make a connection.

Jock's kindness was very infectious.
He was very playful and very curious.
Jock was always on the go and very adventurous.
He showed great love and devotion.
Jock was eager to please and was full of action.

He would lark around with a friendly bark.
Jock would chase after the cats and even larks.
He would love to go to the local park.
Where he would embark on lots of fun and had a run.
Jock played until it was dark and then he was done.

Jock would wag his tail when he was ever excited.
He was full of life and vigour and happiness he ignited.
His affection for us was never unrequited.
He had a bond with us that made us all united.

We loved to stroke Jock on his very smooth coat.
Jock was of great note and very devoted.
He was very loyal and kindness which he well promoted.
His tail would wag whenever came the mail.
Jock's good memory will always prevail.

I really like 1593! Thanks for that, Yak.

Who could fail to recognise "the true genius" Jabs?

Oh, and I won't say anything if you don't...

darn duck down a hole
hot webs it past Jack Russel
lugging coal:"he's quacked!"



Ahhhh! Basks in sunshine just as the cloud blots out the lightB***er!

They're everywhere, everywhere, everywhere!
I see them hiding in the pockets of dad's shirts.
They lurk moodily under the stair.
I once saw them clinging to Ma's skirts.

But no one can see them except for me.
It's a burden too heavy to carry.
So I huddle in bed, just sick with worry,
And pray for help from the Great Fairy.

Fairies are things of distant past
There memories rarely last
Like smell of cough mixture
Grans lollies be better cure

Be prepared when old and grey
Grand child tug sleeve, say “hey”
On bucket at garden end
Saw fairy fix pale and mend