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poor journal
Posted Jun 11, 2006
I have sadly neglected this place. I've been just as self-obsessed as ever I was, but elsewhere. Well, a LOT has changed. Perhaps I'll post about it all on here in a little while. For starters, I was asked earlier today if I could create the perfect man, what would he be like? My answer was:
"For me he would be bisexual, not macho at all, dislike of football, interest in design and all sorts of culty arty things, musically open minded, politically liberal with his own opinions and with something to teach me. Looks- skinny geeky boy, with a slight shyness, quiet wit and a gleam in his eye."
Any candidates?
Amazingly enough I know someone who almost perfectly fits this description. Unfortunately he's in a proper serious relationship with someone who isn't me. 
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Latest reply: Jun 11, 2006
London
Posted Feb 14, 2006
On the 7th of February Ben and I went to London. We had the most magnificent time as we can get on when we're doing things, just not when we're trying to be a normal couple at home together. Okay, there were a few choice rows, but mostly we were... distracted enough to get on. We went to Camden Market where I bought a lovely fake designer handbag and some T-shirts, and a foul disappointing Darkness gig on the first evening. We got there AFTER The Ark, support act, had gone on and I cried. Then on the 8th we went to Covent Garden and hopped onto the internet where we found out The Ark were playing their own gig at the Camden Barfly on the 9th. Paroxysms of delight! Then we went to a graphic design shop and Cybercandy, then Hyde Park and Harrods, where we lunched and gawped. Quick rest, dinner in a pub, and off to Nights At The Circus. An interesting production, though a bit coarse and self-conscious in that way common to nearly all plays. On the 10th I went to the Tate Modern while Ben went to the Royal Academy of Art. A nearly perfect day. It was cold but brightly sunny as I walked along the Thames and across the Millennium Bridge to get to the gallery. Then I saw an exhibition of communist propaganda and generally culturified myself as much as I could stand (or until I couldn't stand up any more) after which sat in a very fancy designer chair in one of the reading rooms and stared out at the Thames, very serene and happy, contemplating life, freedom and relationships. The sun set as I walked back to the tube station and it was utterly beautiful, twinkling on the water. Ben and I met up and we went to a very fancy over the top bar called Annex 3. Briefly back to the hotel then out to Camden and joy. The Ark were stupendously good. Technically they were excellent, but also as funny and flamboyant and magnetic and emotionally satisfying as you could ever hope for. Everyone in the gaspingly packed audience knew every word and we danced and shouted and flung our fierce love at the band as one entity. I emerged covered in sweat, panting and shaking and with feet so sore they felt like tenderised steak. We had almost no sleep then rose on the 10th at 5am to get back into Cardiff for work at nine. We breakfasted on Krispy Kreme and arrived at the station at 8.51 and I ran to get to my desk at 8.59. Amazing!
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Latest reply: Feb 14, 2006
relief
Posted Jan 27, 2006
I've told Ben I want to move out. The reason is kind of petty, but also I think justifiable- his mother so wanted to have her say one day when she came round, she barged in on me in bed. He didn't stop her. That was just the last straw. I'm very protective of my privacy, and I have a right to be. Ben took the news pretty well and I'm just really relieved now I've told him. I'm looking forward to getting my own little flat and getting the internet and having my own say around the home. I want her out of my life, and I want my relationship with Ben to go back to being fun. It turns out it can't be serious, there's just not enough there. But I do think we'll get on a lot better if we accept that. And also, it gives us the freedom to perhaps find something that does suit us better. There are a couple of chaps at work I have feelings for. Fickle, I know, and I wouldn't say anything while I'm in a relationship, but we'll see. In other news, I'm doing something secret next Saturday. On my own, as it's a... personal thing. Only one other person knows what it is. It might be terrible but then again it might be the start of something very interesting.
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Latest reply: Jan 27, 2006
the centre of the bed
Posted Jan 17, 2006
When you're single, bed is a lovely roomy place of comfort. When you're in a relationship, even when you have a night on your own you find it impossible to spread out across the bed. Or I do, anyway. You still find yourself all squashed up against the side of the bed and curled inwards. I wonder if that's a metaphor for anything?
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Latest reply: Jan 17, 2006
guillemots
Posted Dec 27, 2005
I've decided these are my new great hopes. They're very exciting and silly and fun- kind of Cardiacs crossed with XTC with a bit of Ultrasound in there. Problem is, I feel sort of guilty discovering them without SP. I know he would have loved them and feel this sort of urgency to get their music to him somehow. He NEEDS to hear this. I know what I said at the beginning of the year, but the truth is I miss him so much, and more whenever I have a great musical experience. I'm thinking of writing to his brother. It's just figuring out what to say. And then, what if he doesn't know where SP is either?
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Latest reply: Dec 27, 2005
elmsyrup
Researcher U210511
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