h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hello dale!

since you paid us a visit, i thought i'd return the favour. you say that you don't know what to research on. well, i don't see any problem submitting articles about comics and cartoons to hootoo! i'm a big fan of vertigo comics myself, and hope to someday write an eg on the tim hunter comics.

what comics do you read, by the way?

cheers
far.

Farlander? Pray tell, from where have we met?

I read a lot of Japanese Manga (Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Dragonball GT, Gundam Wing, Tenshi Muyo!, Shonen Jump, stuff like that). I've just started picking up old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics from a little collectibles shop in town. Just recently I found and bought two of the Hitchhiker's Guide comics. Now I must find #3.
As far as researching and writing something for the Guide, I don't know if it'll happen anytime soon. Besides being brainwashed by egotistical veterinarians into thinking I know nothing, I am trying to learn Guide ML and also looking for a good research topic.
Any ideas?
Thanks for droppin by!
-Dale

NOW I remember you! You told us why mozzies must die!
Forgive me....goldfish have better memories than I have.
So....other than study the lives of microscopic organisms, what fills your day? What's your favorite ?
Most importantly, tell me how much you love Vogon poetry.
-Dale

hello again dale,

it is extremely gratifying to have somebody, anybody remember you yeah, i'm one of the anti-mozzie folks (although i must point out that it was all count zero's idea in the first place, and that he invited me to do the bit on - what else - diseases spread by mozzies).

re: what to write - i've checked the directory and would you believe it, there are no edited guide entries about the ninja turtles! what a shame! perhaps you would like to explore the area? they already have an eg on manga and anime, though, so unless you want to cover a specific topic (say, the japanese scrolls), i'm afraid that is closed territory for you.

i should let you in on a little secret - we disgruntled boffins have a talent of scheduling our work around our social lives . which means of course that i have more than enough time for stuff like playing really loud music (i play the french horn for the orchestra and the trombone for the band. talk about blowing one's horn! heh heh, only a horn player can pull that off...) and pulling really dirty pranks on my best buds. don't drink , is more of my choice of beverages.

love vogon poetry, but i still firmly believe the world's greatest poetry reads as follows:

The dead swans lay in the stagnant pool
They lay, they rotted, they turned
around occassionally
Bits of flesh dropped off them from time to time
and sank to the pools mire
They also smelt a great deal


cheers
far.

Ah, welcome back, dear Farlander!
Jokes, huh? I've done many of those in my time. I work at an animal hospital, which is the perfect place to pull some good ones!
Perhaps I shall do something on Eastman and Laird's lean green fightin machines. Thank you....I dub thee my Muse.
I'm curious....what is a boffin? Forgive me if I ask a lot of questions, but how else does one learn? Myself, I enjoy learning new things all the time. 3 years ago I got bored and started teaching myself Japanese. Now I'm working on Latin and Guide ML. I used to be excellent at Elton John trivia, but now I've given that title to one of my friends who knows WAY more than I do.
So, horny, are we? LOL! I'm by far no musician, but my lack of musical ability is made up for with visual artistic talent.
I do enjoy a good cup of white mocha latte. We have a coffee shop where I live that has a horror movie theme to it. The Coffee Shop of Horrors....you can buy a coffee and go upstairs and watch really crappy horror flicks on a big screen TV. It reminds me of Mystery Science Theater 3000....only without the smartass robots.
Keep writing! I'm enjoying this conversation! You're quite an interesting person!
-Dale

somebody considers me 'an interesting person'. be still my heart!.... blehhhht. just kidding .

'boffin' is british slang for scientist (it should not be inferred from this statement that i am british, but rather that i am someone who is utterly familiar with british slangs). i've never actually seen it used in literature, though, save in john wyndham's books. anyway, it sounds a great deal better than 'scientist', no? a great deal more puffed-up and pompous...

ah, so you're an elton john fan, are you? lol i have a couple of his cds in my drawer. especially like his 'made in england' album. oh, and you might find this amusing. i have a good friend named *elton* (he's my evil 'twin brother') whose dad named him... well, after a certain famous pop star by the name ()... and who made him take *piano lessons*, if you can believe it! eventually the number of similarities between elton and this certain pop star became too disturbing, and he subsequently quit playing the piano...

guideml is easy! you have no idea how pampered we are here at h2g2 until you actually try writing your own java. not the coffee. i was renovating my homepage the other day and found myself wishing that i had the gadgets we have here so that i wouldn't have to code them myself.... ah well... at any rate, guideml crash courses are available from this researcher. the first one's free . ha ha.

So, how much are the other lessons? A BJ and pot brownie apiece? Kidding! I have no mary jane....too expensive.
Made in England is a very good album. Got any others? I think I've got about 60+ here, counting singles, doubles, and boxed sets as one each. Then there's the vinyls and 45s to consider....Yep, I do enjoy his music.
I feel bad for your evil twin. I used to look a bit like Elton (even though I am female...sorta...maybe that's why I looked like him, LOL) until I cut my hair differently and stopped pouring glitter on my clothing. The chicks at www.eltonjohnsdarkdiamond.com will gladly tell you all about their fantasies about John and how sexy they think he is . Myself, I'd take the Web Masta and fuggedabout John! Haha! Course, her husband might have something to say on the matter....most likey, "Huh huh...can I watch? Huh huh!" (guess that answered a few naggin questions )
British slang, eh? I'm pretty fluent, but I've never heard "boffin" before. Cool....learn something new everyday. So, if you are not British, are you Betelguesian? Praxibetan? certainly not Vogon, I hope! However, your taste in poetry could point to that species. And yes, I do find ya interesting. Brains turn me on, baby! Seriously, I prefer to have an intelligent and witty conversation with someone than most anything else. Throw in some red wine or Smirnoff Triple Black and some munchies and VOILA! perfect evening!
Do tell me more about yourself....your favorite wine, your favorite cheese, whether you prefer Bob Marley or Bob Dylan, etc. And I am interested as to why you are disgruntled. I'm far from a psychiatrist (though, I did very well in psychology in high school) but I am interested in learning what might be irritatin' ya.
Til we meet again....
-Dale

ha ha! 'first one's always free' is the catch phrase the people in my clique use. our little group comprises members of different nationalities and races, which means that there's plenty of food/merchandise to trade. we're currently thinking about the possibility of expanding our little venture and offering services to others. want halawa? we have a friend from morocco! maple syrup? there's a friend from canada. etc etc.

i'm afraid that 'made in england' and 'complete love songs' (that *is* the title, isn't it, the one with elton john sitting cross-legged on the ground on the cover?) make up my entire ej collection! i *do* listen to a lot of british music, though (i'm sorry, but i hate the american variety...) - stuff like pet shop boys and blur and new order. oh, and the ESSENTIAL noel coward. one cannot say one likes british music otherwise. and one must marvel at *your* ej collection. vinyls as well, huh? that means you started listening to his stuff since... the 60s? (no offense)

nope, i'm not betelgeusian. i'm agamaran - which for you laypeople out there, means YOKEL. it's a star wars joke.

'your favorite wine, your favorite cheese' - i'm a microbiologist. this would probably read better as 'your favourite cheese/wine-producing microbes'. i'm kidding. i love brie and australian blue cheese (the danish variety is too sharp for the palate)... sadly, all the people i've offered the grand ol' blue to have said something to the effect of 'ewww, it's as odious as a sewer' or 'you're eating something with *mold* on it?'

guideml classes are currently free. html/dhtml/css/javascript classes, however, are an entire different story altogether.

anyway, have a new article in pr (A1321589), another of my incredible rants - and they're suggesting i chop it up into two. i'll go see where i can separate it...

Good luck with that bad boy!
No offense taken at all. I didn't start in the 1960s....put it to ya this way....next Saturday I'll be 22 years old. I've been collecting Elton John music since I was 5, when I got my first vinyl (Madman Across the Water).
I'll have to watch Star Wars again....it's been a long time. Usually I'm watching either Yellow Submarine or the Hitchhiker's Guide TV series on DVD. My brother is a huge Star Wars fan. He has action figures from the 1970s and 1980s that are still in their original packages! Right now, though, he's out in the Middle East, swattin flies, waiting for orders to go kill something. Don't ya just love the US Army?
I've got many friends all around the world, too. Most are in the US, but I have 3-4 Canadian friends, a few in England, a chap in Azerbaijan, 3 in Australia, and 1 in New Zealand. We trade Elton sutff, mostly, cause we all met at a great fan site. Occasionally we'll trade other things. I am sending Mountain Dew to my friend in Canada, because their Mountain Dew has no caffeine in it.
The circle of friends I have outside of the net aren't quite as diverse. Most of us are gay and either drink too much or have sick, twisted, perverse minds. We do help each other out, kinda like you and your friends, do. One woman I know makes homemade wine which is incredible. I often supply some schweet brownies for my friends. A veterinarian friend helps us get medicines if we need them. And one guy mixes custom-made scents for me from essential oils (you haven't lived til you've smelled a combo of patchouli, sandalwood, and nag champa in Golden Grain alcohol). And that's just the tip of the iceberg!
What is halawa? I've been trying to get a couple of my friends to start a business with me. The woman who supplies us with wine is a pet-sitter, and she has a great idea; a cats-only boarding facility. The name; The Best Little Cat-House in Georgia. And should we expand to other regions, we could have The Second Best Little Cat-House in Georgia, Third Best, and so on.
I look forward to hearing from ya again! I must be off now....should you be online Friday evening, stop by Elton John's Dark Diamond Chat around 10pm EST, and say hello! The people there are a lot of fun and the talk usually winds up being hilariously nasty! Hee hee!
Later! -Dale

oh... you're going to hate this, but your last posting had so many things to be answered that if i were to answer in paragraph form, this forum would explode in a supernova of electrons. (at the very least i will attain saturnine fame) so - i'm going to save the world and answer in a numbered list:

1. re: 1960s - i have absolutely no idea what i was doing at the time i posted *that*. it's not as though i didn't know you were 21. there goes my math, down the drain... or senility may have found me...

2. re: star wars - watching star wars won't exactly help you understand the joke! it's a sw fanatics-i've read all the books and played all the games-thing. ok ok. keyan farlander is the name of a pilot from agamar, an agrarian world. i thought that kf as an allonym would be incredibly hilarious because (1) i *am* a farlander (relative to bbc country), and (2) i *did* come from a relatively backwater place, but am now living in the country's capital. so there.

3. nope, don't care much for the army, except for the air force, which i love to bits i'm a mercenary... hmm... now that you know, i'll have to kill you

4. re: friends who either drink too much or have sick, twisted, perverse minds - i can relate to that. seeing as i'm one myself (aside from the drinking bit!) we actually have a cult of our own (as a joke), the pamphlet for which i took the liberty of writing, heh heh. i'm the bringer of pain; friend elton is the lord of forbidden knowledge etc.

5. halawa is an incredibly *addictive* syrian dish made from pistachio, lentils and some other ingredients i never managed to identify. i don't know what you eat it with, but we (disgusting pigs!) eat it right out of the box!

6. what kind of business are we talking about? my friends and i are in the planning stages for one. it might be mutually beneficial for our companies to be affiliated...

Sorry! I do tend to ramble a bit! Just smack me and tell me to shut up!
The business we're talking about is a cats-only boarding facility. Another veterinary technican I work with wants to open one and call it The Best Little Cat-House in Georgia. I agree with her, too. I think it would do well here.
I'd rather open a "munchies store" where you could buy any sort of salty, greasy, fat-encrusted snack food available as well as sodas and such. Maybe even have a Chex-Mix area; fill bins with the seperated items and let the customer mix it his/herself with his/her preffered ingredients. The idea came to me whilst i picked the pretzels out of a bag of it a few days ago. I hate pretzels unless they are made by Gardettos. I'd place this store next to a movie rental store and open an hour after the movie store opened and close an hour after they close. Whatcha think?
So, what's the idea you and your mates have?

You think your memory's bad? I can walk into a room and forget what I was going to do, what I was doing five minutes before, and then forget that I had forgotten everything later in the day.

'munchies store' - that would *actually* be a good idea. (we have one in town... you can see bag upon bag of corn chips on display and goodness knows what else) are you planning on focusing just on american snacks, or are you going to acquire junk food from all over the world?

my friend tycho and i were actually planning on a service business! i was lamenting the other day that i'd been recently finding myself in the unlikely position of a mirobiologist (who aspired to be an astronomer) teaching music to music masters students and multimedia design to computer students, and tycho came up with the idea of a consultancy agency where one could write in to ask about *anything* (if we can't answer the stuff between us, we know people who can. and yes, you'd have to pay). we thought we would also offer services to locate old books and also food from certain countries.

(it *does* sound like a bit too much to do for two geeks. but then again, we *do* have contacts)

Sounds interesting....if ya need an animal health contact, lemme know. I literally wrote the on veterinary technicians.
The store would be mostly American munchies, but I was thinking of having a foreign food area as well. I'll have to do a bit of research, since I don't really know any good British crisps or French pretzels. I do know that in Canada their Mountain Dew has *no* caffeine in it at all! Those poor people! My friend, Chloe, owns a Shell station in Manitoba, and she told me about it, as well as the fact that she doesn't sell Slim Jims very well, either.
Can you reccomend any good non-american munchies? Honestly, I kinda want this shop to be as un-american as possible. I'll probably even fly a Union Jack outside my shop just to piss everyone off.
So....astronomy, eh? I know very little about it. Why didn't you go into astronomy? Why microbiology? Are you going to return to school to study it? I didn't go to school for my position. It was sorta offered to me when I threatened to quit. 3 years later, I've received enough on-the-job training to write a manual about it and train others in the ways of the Force. Okay, so it's not the real Force, but we do have to get mean with bitchy dachshunds sometimes. My true love is cartooning....I draw cartoons somewhat similar to Gary Larson's Far Side. I have studied the ways of the masters since I was a child. Chuck Jones is my father....Lynn Johnston is my mother....Jim Davis is my weird uncle that comes over and mooches money and beer off Dad....Charles Schultz was my senile grandfather who would call me Kale....these are the people who inspired me to take up the pen, to create humour with pictures and words, to go where no man has gone before....

....into the bathroom after Uncle Jim....

Til I can get a decent series goin I'm stuck at the animal hospital. And people ask me why I drink....heavily.

lol cartoons - i was illustrator for my school paper for two years (i did the comic strips) before they threw me out of illos and made me editor! seriously though - have you published any of your cartoons? i would very much like to see them. hmm.... why don't you build a site for them? i've seen a couple of such sites on the net, and it seems they get a fair amount of traffic. it would be a decent starting point, no? (sorry, i'm speaking as a webmaster again)

i can say with reasonable certainty that the mountain dew we have over here contains nothing but dust and some other finer particles dissolved in morning condensation (i joke. *our* mountain dew, you will be pleased to know, contains caffeine as well. as does our coke. and a large number of other carbonated drinks. of course, you're going to have to figure where 'here' refers to....)

re: astronomy - parents were dead against it. ditto rest of family. it was bad enough that i was an insufferable geek and a space cadet - life would have been intolerable for them had i followed sagans footsteps!!! so now i joke to everybody asks me that fate has enough of a sense of humour to bestow upon me an ambition to study the very big, and have me wind up studying the very small...

non-american munchies - that's going to be a *little* bit difficult, seeing as i'm not even sure what falls into the american munchies category in the first place! is nachos on the list? we have this toasted noodle munchie here - comes in bags with tiny packets of *really* potent seasoning that you empty into the bags, crush the noodles.... and then get hypertension overnight. (stuff like that sits among the crisps and corn chips, so it's a bit confusing) i'd send you a sampler, only i hardly think you'd appreciate being sent submicroscopic crumbs - and that's if they're not small enough to fall through the pores of the packaging. (you might have noticed my incredible faith in the postal system).

American munchies would be like crisps, dip, popcorn, Cracker Jack, nuts, chips, nachos, any candy bars, jelly beans, pretty much any candy you can think of. I think I know what you're talking about as far as the noodles, maybe. We have them here. I eat them all the time in place of a real meal. Sometimes I add cream soup, veggies, meat, and/or cheese to make it a decent meal. Not bad, really. Here we call it Ramen, cause that's the company that makes the best noodles.
That's odd that your parents and family wouldn't want you to study astronomy. My parents would be thrilled if I went to some college or University and studied....well, anything! Anyway....have you thought about going back and studying it? It is a very interesting subject. Have you been to the Astronomy Picture of the Day site? The URL is http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/archivepix.html. They have some beautiful pictures of stars, galaxies, nebulas, etc.
I did have some cartoons on my website, ages ago. But they were taken off after I shut down the site for a while. Now all that's there is a few pictures, a chatroom, message board, and links to Dark Diamond and Dilbert. Check it out, if ya want - http://madman42q.tripod.com is the addy. I'll put my picture back up there eventually, but only if you promise not to scream too loud. My email addy is there, too, if ya want to write me.
I have a fairly good idea of where "here" is, but I shan't say. But I'm sure it has something to do with a Red Dwarf.

i *promise* i won't scream. well, even if i do, i don't have sufficient lungpower to scream loud enough to wake up your neighbourhood, so it doesn't really matter, does it?

isn't ramen a japanese noodle dish?

re: american munchies - crisps, dip, popcorn, Cracker Jack, nuts, chips, nachos, any candy bars, jelly beans, pretty much any candy... yep, we've got 'em all here. plus loads of stuff you've never even heard of. do you guys have corn chips? fried green beans? or banana chips? those are *addictive*

re: where 'here' is - i'm fairly certain that if i'd been from mimas or triton, that my parents would've told me. (and i don't remember being born on a large mining ship either ) i'm being exceptionally dense. or maybe it's just the wine. had two glasses of carlo rossi - and it wasn't even at a bar! (just had dinner with my folks at a restaurant. the first dish had scarcely arrived when my dad's friend swaggered over to our table with a large bottle of it, got glasses from the waitress and filled 'em - twice... weird)

nope, not likely to go back to study astronomy. i'm quite happy with who i am - a disgruntled boffin with elaborate plans to take over the world. happy scientists don't get places.

Oh....oh well, the astronomy community will just have to suffer wihout ya.
We don't have fried green beans here. That sounds interesting, though, We do have corn chips and banana chips - I agree, they are addictive!
Do remember me when you take over the world. I could be an excellent bodyguard. During my travels I have met and trained with several martial artists from different styles; a karate master, a ninja master, a kung fu trainee, an ex-Navy SEAL, and others. Right now I've pretty much mastered the nunchuckus and am working on swords and sai. Put it to ya this way - I have the same weapons the Ninja Turtles had and know how to use them (almost ).
And if ya don't need a bodyguard, how bout a chef? Whatcha like to eat? Chinese? Japanese? Mexican? Southern Fried American? Cajun? Chicken? Beef? Pork? Vegetarian? Beaver?
If ya don't know already, I'm a naughty little Betelguesian. I've got a filthy, sick, twisted mind. No wonder everyone loves me!

yeah, i could do with a bodyguard. i'm pretty much into kickboxing, but i've never had to attack anybody in self-defense, so i like the idea of having someone around who takes body blows and shots for me and a bodyguard who can *cook* would be utterly indispensable!

i've never eaten beaver (if the rspca gets to me for my sins, i would not like to have any dam(n)ing evidence for them), but if you can find a good recipe for it, i won't say no! am currently very much a fan of camel and ostrich meat - do they serve them in restaurants over there?

have fun getting to ohio, and don't forget to fill up on the gas.

dale, go check your math. you can't *possibly* be 138 cm and 5'3" at the same time! i'd be *towering* above you -

I never said my metric conversions were perfect.
Okay....just hit a metric conversion site....I am actually 160cm. Yes, 160cm....I'm short, but that's okay. Dynamite comes in small packages.
Which, by the way, I don't think you got my little joke about the beaver. Of course, you may have and have decided not to stoop down to my level of nastiness. Or you may have laughed out loud when you read it and just decided not to further it, should BBC decide to have a look and gasp in horror at it.