h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(The next day...)

Professor: Hello, that sounds like the doorbell.

Assistant: Well it's not, it's the telephone. Are you going to answer it?

Professor: No. You do it.

(Assistant picks up telephone)

Assistant: Hullo?

Telephone: (Yabber Yabber)

Assitant: Yes, I'll just get him for you. (Hands over phone) It's for you.

Professor: (?) Hello?

Telephone: Hello, I'm a telephone.

Professor: Yes, I know. In fact, you're my telephone.

Telephone: Yes I am. Would you care for a Jelly Slice?

Professor: No, but I'd like to know if you know anything about this Ecnal chappie.

Telephone (munching Jelly Slice): What do you think?

Professor: I think it's an anagram.

(Doorbell rings)

Professor: That sounds like the telephone!

Telephone: It's not me. It must be the doorbell.

Professor (answers door, finds lady holding a suitcase): Hello, who are you?

Anna Gram: I am Anna Gram, of course. Would you like to buy a encyclopedia from me?

Professor: Intriguing?

Anna: Yes it is, so will you buy a book?

{Professor slams the door in her face}

Professor: Rupert?

Rebecca: It's Rebecca actually.

Professor: Well, Miss Actually we are facing a strange occurrence of... phenomena!
STING!

Rebecca: What was that? The doorbell?

Professor: No thatwas an incidental sting. This Mr Canel Slaiby seems to have the power over such aural incidents. We must tread very carefully!
{Squelch}
Rebbeca: Oh, sorry Professor I meant to clean up Major's mess?

Professor: Oh I didn't know you had a pet, Rebecca?

Rebecca: I don't?
STING!

Professor: Intriguing? We must move on and try and work out how this Mastermind is manipulating sounds?

Rebecca: If we put our fingers in our ears it might help matters?

Professor: Yes. A splendid notion!

{Several things crash to the ground}

Rebecca: Perhaps it would work better if you weren't carrying those papers?

Professor: Yes but wait! Follow me.

Rebecca: Where are we going?

{He leads her outside and the next moment they're in bed}

Rebecca: Hmm, that was interesting Professor.

Professor: Oh good, wait a moment this wasn't supposed to happen!

{They're outside in the country}

Rebecca: Now that we're where we're supposed to be perhaps you could explain why we're here Professor?

Professor: No reason, I just liked a change in scenery.
STING!