h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Someone twice said that the 'thrill is in the anticipation'. Or something like that, I can't really remember. Whoever said it, they obviously hadn't got many shy people as friends.
Being shy and infatuated with somebody is quite possibly the worst combination of characteristics that it is possible to achieve. The 'thrill' turns into the same sort of excitement you get when you see an impossibly large and looming roller-coaster that you said 'Yeah, why not?' when you read about it in the brochure - the sort of terrified excitement that means you're about to throw up and be incredibly embarrassed for weeks to come.
Also, on a more general note (I'm fairly certain this encompasses the majority of people on the grounds that three people have agreed with me so far) infatuation leads to several behavioural changes that are seldom good for anyone concerned:

1. You start becoming incredibly jealous of anyone merely talking to the object of your affections.

2. You start becoming incredibly prudish and refuse to think about your crush doing anything vaguely sexual, even though you're already planning ahead on where your house will be, how many children you're going to have, etc. etc.
If you do think about your crush doing anything vaguely sexual, you are then wracked with guilt (based on personal experience, this can last for absolutely ages, depending on how often you come into contact with her [and dear god how terrifying that experience is]). The reason for this, as far as I can make out, is that if we do all this nice stuff for them, they'll somehow read our minds telepathically (as opposed to the other methods) and see how sensitive we are.


This has never worked before. Meanwhile my experiment continues. And I wish I hadn't called it 'experiment' and am now going into guilt-induced coma...