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Latest reply: May 16, 2006

Dont read this

No really, this is just gonna be a bunch of whining because I have nothing better to do, so really you dont want to read it.

I really don't know what to say... I feel very lonely and useless... The only thing to do is practice or sit and listen to music, and neither of them do I WANT to do...

I hate being single, don't talk to me about freedom, no responsibilities, or anything that could be an advantage, it plain sucks. I've dealt with this my whole life, its just harder now for some reason.

No, I did not imply anything there.

In short, theres no one to talk to, no one to be with, nothing seems to go right for me right now, and there are a lot of things I hate myself for, and also that I am angry at others for. Course, unlike me, I am not going to tell them about it, for mixed reasons.

And besides, apparently its not my place or some other damn reason. Most of the stuff I think is wrong anyway, so just... grr.

Freakin never mind.

And to the person who I know is too busy to read this, if you bothered, which I honestly couldnt care less if you didnt.... Well I don't know what I can tell you if you did read this, I cant really say anything.

Oh, and just FYI this entry may not stay up for long

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Latest reply: Jul 8, 2005

Day one: The trip....

So here it is at like 11:30 we are waiting for my friends dad to show up at the airport because mom forgot her cell phone.... huh... interesting.

Anyway, we arrived, panicked that we didnt have her cell, got the cell and boarded the plane on time. Wasnt so bad. Anyway, the plane ride wasnt bad, I was in the middle of a nice lady and her son, but her son got sick.... not pretty, I wonder if it was his first time flying. Well lucky for him he has never read Airframe.

We left at like 12:30 (AM!) I watched the end of The Birdcage on TV, even though I am not gay its a funny movie, and then there was nothing good on so I listened to music. It was maybe like 2:30 when I shut it off and tried to sleep. I woke up an hour later and Andrew, the boy next to me, not too much younger, was throwing up. Not so bad, he was contained and all, just kinda sad to be there.... I feel sorry for you people who cant handle planes. Really, i do. Anyway, it wasnt bad, and it was a 5 hour trip, but with Time difference it was 8 when we arrived in JFK....

...which sucked. I quote Douglas Adams when I say "its no coincidence that no civilization ever has made the phrase 'as pretty as an airport'..." or something to that effect. I never understood since Sea-Tac is a cool place, always one of my favorite places, even though security annoys me now, but JEEZ... The Jet Blue wing of JFK was HORRRRIBLE. The baggage claim area looked ghetto and smelled and looked like it was washed in urine... omg, I was so happy to get out.

Trouble didn't stop there...

We were to catch a train from Penn Station to get to Boston, so we took the Air Train from the airport, which is just a monorail of some sort. We were following the signs to it, and it kinda pissed me off, seeing a sign like this...

Airtrain (up arrow)

I look up ahead and see no other sign, but then actually look up and OMG there it is right in front of me... only about 30 FT too high to board... WTF? I know, I know, we passed under it and got in the elevator up to it, but I was just standing there in the pick-up area with cabs going by going o__0?? Sure, I'll just borrow batmans utility belt and ZOOM up there! YAY!

Anyway, the Airtrain was not a train, nor did it "float" on air to my knowledge, which was kinda dissapointing to me, since there was this great special my dad was watching before I left about hovering trains to be built in China by 2003 (no, thats not a type, thats what the TV said. Look, we are WAY off topic here, can we go back?). Long story short, the train took forever to start moving, but when it did it wasnt so bad, just the fact we ended up stopping a few times and a VERY garbled voice "apologized" for the delay, or at least thats what I thought it said. After hearing something like that theres nothing you can say except

Me: Gezundheit

Point taken?

Anyway, then we hopped on a subway that was even more ghetto than the airport... I really appreciate Seattle now, I almost never want to come back to manhattan again.... Its awful in what I've seen of it. Penn station wasnt so bad, but it was hella crowded. I was so tired, after having breakfast it was 10 AM and we sat down in the waiting area for the 1:00 Amtrak. I fell asleep, woke up, and looked at my watch. The conversation went like this...

me: waaaaaa? (looks at watch)

Watch: 11:00

me: ugh...You're friggin kidding me.... (thinks: ONLY an hour of sleep? well that makes two in the last 24 hours)

ok, actually I realized from time diff it was like 21 but WTF??? The train wasnt so bad, for being buisiness class we got free drinks, though I was so tired, I pulled out my CD played and passed out numerous times. I musta listened to the same album by Sarah Mclachlan I dunno how many times in that one day alone... half of them WHILE i was asleep. Course it was including the time or two on the plane.....

Anyway, I can get into that some other time.

At the train station, I am hella tired and it is hella roasting, and I felt horrible. I had to carry two rolling backpacks, not so bad, but I was REALLY hungry and tired, and had a headache. ick.... not to mention the train station itself is like boiling, and still is, I pass through it at least 2x a day! Anyway, I'll come to that later.

The hotel was like a block from the train station, not too bad, eh? Anyway, we crashed in the hotel for a few minutes, and then went RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET to the Hard Rock Cafe. yes, their French Dip sandwitch wasnt so bad, and their music, well, ROCKS, what else?

Anyway, we come back to the hotel and I get on IM and email for a little bit. Course I am hella tired, and TOLD to go to bed by friends so I did. Course, had to watch the end of Goldeneye while it was on TV.... lol.

So that, in a nutshell is my SUNDAY, I am not as jet lagged as I normally am... but since it is monday today, I have to remember that far back, seems like last week, really.

Anyway, send me comments here, I'd love to hear from you.

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Latest reply: Jun 28, 2005

Vacation = Leaving! :',(

You know, I was just typing the subject, and it seems vacation comes from the word VACATE, which means LEAVE...

Hmm...

Well while I ponder the meaning / significance of that, I think I will announce this... I am actually going to be DOING something for the next few weeks. Since I found out my music camp at bellingham, Marrostone, fell through, since my registration never got sent in time.... (grrr) anyway, because of that, my parents found a new musical experience for me, and I think it'll work out so I am going for it... Let me explain.

Saturday the 25th I think I am leaving for Boston where there is a "camp" for percussion instruments. Sadly the only way I can get in is for being a "Marimba" player, so I hope I get to do more than that, my reading kinda sucks and always has... oh well, I am not THAT bad, just some bad habits... My mom and I will stay with one of my dads old friends, also a percussionist, then go to someone elses house after the week long camp thing. We visit them for a weekend, then I have a 2 week orchestra camp where I get to be a timpanist, YEA! I wish I coulda gotten the mallets I needed, but I can manage with what I have I guess. After that, I go with my mom on her way to New York, since she has a business trip (AMAZING how all of this kidnda fit right together...), which is cool, I have NEVER been to NYC, maybe I will finally see it!

I should be back maybe by the 15th and then I HAVE NOTHING ELSE, so I may get a chance to actually compose after that, since I said I would today, but all this hit me and I had a headache / hangover all day... consequences of being up till 2, LOL

So I will be online as much as I can in the next two days, but bear in mind I got a private lesson I gota practice for tomorrow, so... yeah...

I want to say goodbye to anyone I can, and you all want to wish me luck, too!

Ok, for contact... I dunno if I can, but I will get to a computer if I can. I have free nationwide roaming on my cell, so call it. I'll give you my nimber in email, but NOT HERE! I know I am paranoid to a point, but putting a phone number on the internet is plain stupid! Anyway, theres like a 3 hour time diff, so keep it in mind, ok?

I'll send out emails later tonight, other than that I will be on IM when I can until I have to leave....

I'll miss you guys! We should hang out when I get back... maybe around the 15th of July, but I dunno...

Enjoy!

Omega 3smiley - cool

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Jun 24, 2005

Thank you all

Man, chris is right, we have good friends... I want to name a few, and thank you all just because it feels so damn good. Chris, you started a trend, lets keep it going!

Hmm, no particular order, but...

Teague, thanks for putting up with me, I know my faults, I just gotta change them. I am sorry for being such a bitchy idiot, I know how to move on I think, and I will do so. I kinda knew what I was doing, at the same time I didn't, so thanks for the help.

Chris, you gave me purposes over this summer to do, so I gotta thank you for that. You're talanted in your movies, and I like working with you. I woulda gone mad sometimes if you didn't make me write those entries before, lol!

Julia, I am sorry things didn't work out, but its helped me see some things in myself that I need to change, so thanks. And you've always been there to talk if I needed to, and you understand a lot of stuff like me, so thanks for the help.

Person who doesn't want their name on the internet.... Starts with a g not a j, I dunno how many times you've crammed your wisdom over IM and into my eyes, but it helped, really. Thanks for beating it into me whether I liked it or not.

Ryan? You aren't so bad, just I gotta admit thanks for handling this so well, you coulda done some horrible things, I am glad you're smart enough to know what you're doing.

Ben - Thanks for being someone I could take my whole situation to... It ment a lot to me, even if you don't read this thing I'll still say it.

And john too, you guys were there for me, so thanks.

Lesley, you listened to my shpiel, so thanks to you too, I can't even put up with myself anymore, but then again YOU guys dont have to live with me

Luke - you are an annoying SOB, but you're getting better, so thanks.

Kari, I knew you were there, and you told me once you were sorry, i just can't talk to you that easily now because of email instead of IM and stuff... annoying, since I never remember to watch for email, sorry! Anyway, I know you were there even though I didn't ask, so thanks.

WHo else...?

DJ, Thanks for the advice, but somehow I think that if you and I agree on an idea, I haven't thought it through completely yet, so... careful, alright? Try not to get burned

Taylor..... uhh, yeah.

Kyle, don't get so depressed, sometimes you gotta see both sides of life to know what its all about, and believe me I've been there. You've helped me too, even if I don't realize it.

Oh, and my parents, I can't describe how much I love you guys.... No really, you're always there, you help me on MUN, take me to rehearsals, and even really appreciate, respect, admire and envy my talant and dedication, so thanks!

And to anyone else I didn't mention yet, thank you for your existance... it means a lot to me. That includes any fellow musicians, anyone who's known me in the last, oh, 15 years, classmates, etc. You all helped more than you can imagine.

I love u all (no, not in a gay way, you know what I mean) and I care about allaya! Keep in touch, stay outta trouble, take care, enjoy life, and be happy!

Everyone reply if you can, say what you think! I wanna hear from you...

Solid Mixer, Jonathan Rush, Omega 3, So many other aliases.... You know me, lol!

PS If you haven't already (ie everyone but chris) you should put up how much you care for all of your friends and even family...

Discuss this Journal entry [1]

Latest reply: Jun 21, 2005


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