h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My therapist thinks we should 'have a break' because we have 'plateaued'.

You have what ? I know what a plateau is, but have no idea what it means in this context

Reached a peak and flatlined...

Aahh - and is that good or bad ?

And what do *you* think about the break, Cal? I seem to recall you saying something about your therapy sessions being unproductive these days.

I am not optimistic about the consequences of such a break.

Have you said so to your therapist ?

Was too busy crying...

And yet (s)he inisists on a break ?

The fault for us not making any great progress lies with me. As my therapist pointed out validly - although emphesising how much she enjoys it - us meeting weekly for a bit of a chat, gossip and putting the worlds to rights, isn't therapy.

And do you think the threat of having a break is likely to actually make you 'work' with her ?

A couple of months ago you were contemplating stopping the CBT and some of the drugs in order to find out who the 'real you' was, so that you could deal with your problems from there. Perhaps you could view this break (which appears to have a get-back-in clause) as a safe opportunty to find out how you do indeed fare without the therapy -? You might surprise yourself.

Not so much contemplating *finding* the real me, but more about throwing myself onto the mercy of my 'the devil at my ear' and accepting that 'it' would either have me solve the problem of 'myself' via the surgical removal of myself from existance or have me live my days torturing myself.

I need to relearn the CBT skills, I have fallen back into old habbits - not self-harm - but those of refusing to admit that I am having any negative thoughts that are worth mentioning, refusing to challenge my negative beliefs about myself on the grounds they are hard facts, looking for external validation, looking to make my descisions based on what I think I others think I ought to do not what I want, avoiding doing anything that involves making a phonecall, e.g. I broke my tooth a few weeks ago and I didn't call the dentist 'til Friday just gone. Being unwilling to impose myself upon others, because I don't think I am worthwhile enough.

I make the most progress when I feel like I am making progress, if I stop CBT I will continue to slide back on things and won't do anything about it because I won't see myself as deserving another chance to change things.

I want to start doing 'permited' work to get some extra cash to top up my benefits and I want some support through that. I don't think I am in need of the weekly CBT sessions that I've had for last couple of years, but more than a month apart and I'm doomed.

Do you reckon your therapist will agree to change the sessions to once a month as a compromise, then?

Speaking of CBT, one of the few useful things my CBT therapist did for me was to recommend this book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Manage-Your-Mind-Mental-Fitness/dp/0192623834/sr=1-4/qid=1158837052/ref=sr_1_4/026-6442632-0260467?ie=UTF8&s=books

It's not a read-from-cover-to-cover book, but more of a thing to dip into when one has a problem. You can go straight to the relevant chapter and read the suggested CBT-type coping tools. It's an expensive book, but worthwhile to have to hand, in my opinion.

I don't think it is beyond the boundaries of possibility.

I'll have to see what I can do regarding the book, if it comes with a strong recommendation. My washer/dryer is broken, my bed is broken, the decorator is still costing a fortune, I just spent £65 on sorting out a broken tooth and I gave Suz £40 to get me tickets to see Tool live at Wembley. So, as useful as it might be, I'm not in position to rush for it.

And there's always the library.

How's your tooth now? Did it need yanking out, or patching up? I think you can get your £65 back, if you have an NHS receipt and are on benefits.

The 65 quid was for a white filling, I know exempt from other NHS charges. Which as far as I know is an extra I have to pay for... ?

I just "dismantled" my bedframe, I've now got a kingsize "futon", but not one I think will do my back any gat favours. I need to see if I can get a grant or emergency loan set against my benefits.

Oh, yeah, white fillings have to be paid for. Annoyingly. I prefer white fillings too.

Monthly from the next session onward.