h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just wanted to say how utterly brilliant you are and... yes you are still brilliant, this time I'm not back to chastise you or yell at you I just really want to see how you are, I've changed a bit since the last time that I've talked to you and as I said just want to see how you are.

Hi Steph...
Indeed it has been a long time...
I haven't cut or burned for a while now [maybe a few months, I can't be sure - I'm such a bad time with my short and long term memory]. I'm now on the maximum dose of my anti-depressant and a dose above the recommended maximum of an anti-psychotic. I'm also on atleast 3 other drugs- one of which is to try and help deal with weight i gained whilst on olanzapine. So it is usually stressful situations that trigger self-harm, rather than intrusive thoughts etc… My relationship with my fiancé is good and does me alot of good... also I'm making progress with my Behavioural Therapist that I finally got to start seeing. And things are finally sliding into motion to get me into my own place. So hopefully 6 months from now I will be co-habiting with Suz.

How are you?

Love and Hugs...

I'm doing really well actually. I started cutting myself again in January but have since "fixed" the problem that set it off. I am seeing a new boy as you can tell. His name is Kris and he is really sweet. School calls I will talk to you soon.
Love
Steph

I'm happy for you and to hear you're doing so well. I'm usually online during the week so there may be some time between replies...

Love and Hugs...

Well actually there is a lot more new stuff going on in my life since then. I now have a job. It sucks I carry out people's grocieries. I was in a car accident. that sucked a bit. ummm.... my cousins are having more children. it's just strange. well school calls again.
Stephanie

Having a job is a positive thing... even when they are crap as long as you are getting a fair wage... and if you aren't always keep an eye out for something better...
I've been in a few car crashes [never been behind the wheel] and they do indeed suck tremendously.

Hey sorry I haven't been around for awhile, between school, work and they boyfriend I don't have much computer time lately. it's strange how little time I have since according to my mother I "grew up".

Oh my gosh, I am so sorry about Suz. I just finished catching up on all my b'log and just saw that, I am so sorry. Just remember that I am going to be here as much as I can for you and if you want a proverbial shoulder to cry on I'm here.
I still love you, even if it is a little different now.
Stephanie

Suz and I are back at being friends. We both love each other still. But she needs some time. It was because I love her that I broke up with her. I just could not cope with the remorseless daily overdose of unneeded diet pills.

Well, at least you guys are still friends. That's an upside, I guess. My heart fell when I read about it. I just want you to be happy. (because no matter how much you say you don't, you deserve it!)

, and just remember I'm here if you need me.

I emotionally exhausted at the momment, I just feel like retreating from the world right now. I know I always tell folk when they start to do that that they mustn't, but if I could do it I would.

I know the feeling, the thing you have to keep telling yourself is that everything may not be to your liking right now, but you could always be living in a concentration camp. That is supposed to be part humor part "it could always be worse". I doesn't work out too well when you can't hear me say it. Eh, what can you do.

I try the whole 'could be worse' thing, but end up crying out 'how the feck could be bloody worse?!!'. Thing is I already feel like a prisoner. Trapped there until they choose to grant me housing points.

Awwww, hunni... sorry it's a term of endearment. I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you out in some way other than saying it's got to get better adventually. You just have to hang in there and hope that things change soon. There really isn't anything that you can do but that. You do have people here to listen to you and that care about you. Wether you want to believe it or not, there are people who CARE, a great deal might I add, about you. And remember I still love you, that has never changed, because you changed who I was.

Thanks hunni...

You're very welcome, I hope you realize how much you mean to me and to others. You are really great and don't get told that enough. I would be there to tell you in person if I could, but funds and parents don't allow that at the moment. Maybe soon. Who knows.

At present it is rather hard for me to accept that I mean anything to anyone. I'm not a great person. It would nice to mee tyou. But I'm feelinf pessimistic these days.
I'm sorry I'm so negative as hard as I try not to, it's just the way I'm feeling...

Well thank you. I've been trying to work out a trip with some friends of mine for this coming spring but I don't know if it's going to go through or not. Knowing our mothers it won't but eh we can try. I know about the negative thing, but you know there are worse things there always are, and you can't let it get to you or you will self destruct. In your own head mostly. *raises hand* "been there done that" and yes you are a great person, I can't figure out why you say you aren't. you got me through hard times and I love you for it.