h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I like your cars. I think it's always a good idea to have five or six sitting in the frontyard ready to cannibalize for parts, don't you? That way you can keep at least one running all the time.

It also helps to keep people's attention from focusing too much on your clothesline or the dead refrigerator with the rat's nest underneath that's still got enough insulation to keep the beer cold in the winter.

Do you like horses?

I kind of feel bad for most horses. They're big, strong and fast, and seem to be disporportionately kept in captivity in small pens until some fat man like me decides to take them out with me strapped to their back. There's a group of semi-wild ones I sometimes see on my drive to work in the morning. They seem cool enough.
F.Y.I. My neighbor's the one with the fridge, but it's on the back porch and his bull dog keeps the rats out, for now. And I can tell I had a good year in '02 because 4 of my 5 cars are running right now. Up from two in '00. Although, I did have a Corvair at that point as well (not running).

I took the liberty of hanging out at your page, I dig the stuff you write. I used to think once upon a time I would be a writer, but I don't have much imagination, and I like to talk to much. I don't think I could ever shut up long enough to write more than a few pages.
I imagine you 've got quie a bit laying around.
By the way, in case you hadn't guessed, I am a white (trash) boy, and I come by my interest in Native American affairs courtesey of my wife's family. Her father is Pima, a tribe from Southern Arizona. You might know of them from the Johnny Cash song about Ira Hayes, the WWII vet at Iwo Jima. Anyhow, I actually am more a militant environmentalist than social activist, but I find traditional Native Americans have a similar philosophy to my own.
The name Nelson however is real and is my first name, from the at the time imprisoned South African freedom fighter Nelson Mandela. My cousin got a the short end of the stick though, with the name Che, after Che Guevarra.

Sounds like you come from a long line of flower children, eh Nelson? Cry freedom! Hmm.. wrong South Africa activist but close enough don't you think?

I think if you talk a lot you'll probably write just fine. Just write the way you talk. As for imagination, there's no point in reinventing the travois so just copy somebody. Everybody else does. It's the sincerest form of flattery we've been told or should have been. Of course if you don't do it, you can't get ruthlessly critiqued. Why let someone else have all the fun of relentless flattery?

I really am mortified you've got that Corvair. What possible use could you have for it? You can't even store very much stuff in the trunk. I think you'd be better off trading it for a Pinto, either the car or the horse.

I've heard about the Pima even though they're from the other side of the Kaibab and got screwed out of their land even after they cooperated with the invaders.

I also understand there's a bunch of Yaquis who moved in after Portofirio Diaz opened up northern Mexico to the American railroad interests and somebody started moving the boundary stones on their corn fields in Sonora. That led to some disputes that resulted in an open season on Yaquis and another band of refugees to augment the rest of the huddled masses, sort of. Which only goes to show it ain't totally in the past anymore than it was before.

Don't get me started on Iwo Jima. I'm kind of a militant pacifist and other senseless contradictions.

Nothing wrong with Che except when they finally found and identified the remains, the Bolivian government lackeys of American Imperialistic lead mining interests finally got to gloat in public, poor things. I was hoping somebody might be terrorized by the thought of old Che suddenly emerging from the jungle leading a band of armed and dangerous Paraguayans but I guess those somebodies already knew all along that wasn't going to happen. Funny how they waited so long before clueing the rest of the world in.

I'm surprised GWB isn't trying to punch Fidel's ticket too but he probably just overlooked that in the heat of Bin Laden, Saddam and Jong baiting. All the payoffs are coming due in the next 50 years and GWB probably thinks he'll be around and still president for life to tie up all the loose ends anyway.

I think GWB really looks dashing in his phony flight jacket, don't you? Almost makes you forget the difference between a Texan and a pile of manure is the boots, or so I've been informed by more or less reliable sources.

I got rid of the Corvair already, I couldn't make heads or tails of the air-cooled engine. That's a lie, it did run briefly, but the body was too bondo laden to be of any use. So it has long since been parted out.
I think Fidel is actually feeling more comfortable than ever in his declining years. With Chavez in Venezuela and Brazil going way left this year, he's got a few friends in official places for the first time in over a decade. And I've alwaysadmired the fact that a baseball player could become a revolutionary. Gives me hope for my own future, considering I'll probably never strike anyone out again.
GWB is a one term wonder, just like his dad. Even if every red neck bigot in America fell for his awe-shucks routine the first time. After he screws the economy into the ground and starts killing our precious sons in his lust for oil, even the thickest billy-bob inbred goons will be forced to admit they were wrong. My only hope is that the Dems give us a break and quit trying to force feed us the most conservative wing of the party again. I know Gore was supposed to be liberal, but pro-WTO and pro-death penalty, what's the deal there.
If I get around to writing something I'll be sure and credit you as an inspiration, but write now I'm getting ready to move, so that'll be foremost on my mind.

The only thing I know about Corvair motors was they were like Volkswagens only the fan was laying on its side so the fan belt had to make this 90 degree turn and consequently lasted about as long as a popsicle in Phoenix. Oh yeah, any Nader made a name for himself dissing the things.

All King George needs apparently is Brother Blair. I'm not convinced the 2000 election was more than a very elaborate monte game, that is to say, I don't think Bush was elected except, in addition to the so-called "high" court and who knows what they were high on? selecting him, there was probably a good deal of ballot box stuffing that most people don't even know about and won't if all the witnesses had accidents like they should have.

The Dems do it too of course and I'm not surprised about Gore. What's surprising is people don't seem to make the next conceptual leap which is we have a one party system with two factions ostensibly competing, but really just dividing the spoils periodically.

That's why a few of us at RCO decided to vote minor party last time. We'd heard the arguments about wasting your vote and stuff but since the major parties don't represent us anyways, we were already wasting our votes. If enough people made the conceptual leap here, it wouldn't be such a radical concept after all. So we're confident people will eventually copy us just like they copy the ceremonies and stuff.

So go Greens. Not that they're unmitigated supporters, especially when they challenge treaty guaranteed subsistance hunting, fishing and stuff, but you've got to start somewhere. Even if you get a few elected to Congress that can definitely disrupt the comfort levels of the fatcats.

So I'm not at all convinced Bush will be a one term wonder. He might be the Hamilton of his generation and unless a convenient Aaron Burr shows up to puncture his ambitions, we may be in for some even harder times than we've had so far. You might protest that people won't let him get away with it, but they already have, with the war and the economy and practically everything else, so why should he think there's anybody around to rein him in?

You know an awful lot about an awful lot of things, are you actually more than one person. Like a group of people, or maybe a couple perhaps. It's not often I run into people who know a lot about cars, social movements, and have a razor wit, so I was guessing maybe you're more than one. I guess it's irrelevant though, seeing I may be a similar construct.
As for Dubya, like I said, I just don't think his brain trust has what it takes to float the economy. The fact that they are banking on a war shows how foolish they are. The money in warfare comes from the rebuilding afterward. A conquered people, I don't care who they are, are not going to permit the U.S. a clean slate after an invasion. So this war will actually be a cash drain. After his tax relief plan becomes the noose around his neck, a little more imperialism will only serve to hang him politically. After all the English are keenly aware of what happens when a bankrupt government tries to maintain a far flung professional army. It cost them a foothold in three continents and any hope of a future beyond playing second fiddle to a former colony.
I voted green too, last time around. I guess it's getting more common in California (I don't know where you're at). But I happen to live in one of the great Republican strongholds left, Thousand Oaks is a former Mormon settlement that was overrun by movie cowboys at the turn of the last century. Reagan used to buy his supplies here for his ranch. I know, why am I here? I'm too lazy to be a revolutionary, and everyone always told me I wasn't going to make anything of myself so I got caught up in proving them wrong a while back, and never stopped. Sorry, you probably couldn't care less.

I'm more than one person only in the schizoid sense, probably. When you growup on the margins, you tend to get very self-reliant and resourceful. For example, you might learn auto mechanics so you can make at least one of the half dozen wrecks in your front yard go. Those wrecks might date from the model T era all the way up to 1980s or so. This way you're not dependent on the six-foot ex-con who usually does all the auto repairs in your neighborhood for grocery money or more.

Likewise, if your family believes knowledge is power in the larger dominant society, you might get the opportunity and encouragement for quite a bit of schooling to combat the inroads of that dominant society through the courts or the media or whatever.

I've got to agree with you about bankrupt countries. I'm wondering what former colony the Americans will play second fiddle too. Of course they might be like a lot of prima donna musicians and claim they don't own a second fiddle, but I'm sure somebody will be able to point them to a pawn shop or music store where they can buy or rent one.

Funny that you mention the six foot ex-con, I'm a little bigger than that though, and I'm legit now. So what kind of cars have you got on the lawn?
As for the second fiddle bit... my money is on China. They were once the most advanced nation on Earth. They just have a little trouble with momentum, and now that the electronic age is reaching them, they should be unstoppable. Unless the weight of a billion people who are resistant to change hurts them. Otherwise the list is pretty short, India and Pakistan will be nuclear fallout city soon. Central America is too Americanized. The Europeans might make a comeback, although they seem to have a nack for baiting each other instead of the rest of the world. Africa, now that's a possibiltity. Maybe, a solid former colony like Kenya or Zaire. Better yet the ancient kingdom of Egypt. It's fun to ponder anyway. And I may not have a fiddle but I've got a couple of second-hand guitars.

I am getting confused by all the threads, so I came to this one. It's the least crowded. I went to the RCO site, you're Rusty and Analiese right, and Rita is your cousin, and she is on H2G2 as well. And you guys must be Canadian and that's how you found the H2G2, through the BBC. Or something. I didn't figure out how to post over at RCO, but as a white boy, I didn't know if it was appropriate anyway. I figured more of your stuff is over there, but I didn't manage to find it, my access is slow and it's past my bedtime, so let me know.

RCO's open to you or anybody else who cares, Nelson. You can post there pretty much like you post here. It just looks a little different. And there's plenty of stuff to waste your internet connection time reading.

Rita's the former sister-in-law of one of my cousins. She doesn't post much anymore because she's fed up with white people right now but she'll get over it.

Oh yes, we're not Canadians. We're ostensibly Americans, the first ones, giggle, barf.

My cousin found this place before she died. It's kind of an interesting place too. I'm glad I found you and the others here.

Oops, silly me, of course you're American. I just get confused, what with all the Brits and it being a BBC site. Not that there's anything wrong with England. My natural father was from Scotland or somewhere there about.
I am sorry for your loss.
And thank you for the open invitation to RCO. Tell your cousin that even though all whites are the same, and we all like to fight and destroy, and generally screw everything up, there is a distinct possibility we'll wipe ourselves out without taking the entire planet with us. Slim though those odds may be.
By the way I'm glad to have met you as well.

I think the odds are less slim than you think. All this sophisticated hardware, not weapons of mass destruction mind you, which are only possessed by terrorists, but hardware, requires sophisticated engineers and operators.

So if Uncle Ned were dreaming just now of the Last Days, he might see the President pushing red buttons, and hardware going up in the air on its way to dealing chastisements to the insolent, when all of a sudden a collective sputter is heard. Oh my, what's this, an undocumented feature?

Yes, and he sees the things exploding in the air and dropping to the earth spreading mushroom fruits far and wide all over the land. So the President rants, "Who's responsible?"

"It's the schools, sir," replies his ever affable and accommodating special assistant. "They can't seem to teach calculus properly."

"What's calculus?" asks the President.

"Oh, probably one of those overly technical educational terms. Now if they would just get back to basics I'm sure we wouldn't have to worry about calculus."

"Agreed," says the President. "Shall we pray?"

"I think that's probably a good idea, sir. Nothing else appears to be working."

So the people lived among the cluster of pyramids where the awesome sorcerers performed their tricks scaring the people into submission.

But after awhile, the people saw that no matter what the sorcerers did, the rains did not come anymore, and the corn withered, so the people ran away into the skeletal forests and rough deserts looking for water and seeds and game to sustain them. And they never returned.

In time only the snakes, owls and rats inhabited the cluster of pyramids. And sorcerers raged among themselves, pushing and shoving, until they all fell down the dry wells and couldn't climb out again.

Sometimes, in the darkness, you can hear them screaming still, cursing the snakes and owls and rats that nimble at their toes and tear their hair and pierce their calves with poison, making them swell up and turn black.

Then again, maybe it's just the wind sighing as it blows through the cluster of pyramids and over the mouths of the dry wells.

It's a shame that I wouldn't live long enough to see such a dream come to pass.
If I could, I would sit in the shade of the pyramids and listen to their screams. I would remember the powerlessness I felt when they ruled the Earth, and the sound of their desperation would be enough to sustain me. I would not need the water or the corn, just the comfort of knowing that the machines had been broken and no one would ask me to fix them, and my soul would be mine again.

I figured out you're a student. You wouldn't hapen to be going to the U of Utah in SLC would you?

No UU thanks. Too plenty big LDS and Redskins. Ugh!!

I'm going to DU (University of Denver) because they provide a free ride to prove they're into diversity, thus gaining federal grants private colleges don't usually get because they're into perpetuating The Great White Hope. They also have a pretty good liberal arts program as well as pre-law and even the law school to go with it if you're not picky about your occupation.

Some people in my family think I should become a lawyer so I can fight for our rights. I think I should become a author so I can publish an anthology of lawyer jokes.

Sorry, I've got an old friend in Salt Lake. As you can probably igamine, we're kind of far apart on most issues. But I got him out of his shell for a while back in the day, so I'm his token wild child buddy.
As for Denver (CO RIGHT?), isn't that the actual origin of the fighting whites basketball team? Or somewhere around there anyway. What do I know? All I know about colleges is I never got anywhere with them.
If someone else is paying for it, definitely get the law degree. Even if you never use it, it'll look good on a resume. And people will be less inclined to f**k with you later in life. Don't knock that great white hope thing, us white trash folks need a few heroes too. Those rich kids may be the same color as us, but I've never summered in the Hamptons or studied Latin abroad.

It's the Fighting Palefaces I think. That's where my cousin got the idea actually. The high school is in a small town north of Denver. They still wouldn't change the mascot, but the team, Fighting Palefaces, that was formed in protest at a local Denver college, got a lot of press coverage for the issue.

Although, now that I think again, they might have called themselves Fighting Whiteys or something like that.