h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hey, VV - first, congrats at your recent marriage, and second - 31? that's nothing!

I don't want to bring back awful memories, or awaken a slumbering beast - but if you want to give me a rough outline of what you went through I would appreciate it.

Although judging by my 's reaction today, I'm just having a mid-life crisis. Thank goodness.

*giggles*

Thanks on the congrats!!!


Firstly, and I must stress this, from what I've read, you've not had a breakdown

It started with me some 2 years ago (longer than that if I'm honest with you).

I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what. I assumed it was G so I left him. I cried for 2 days until G asked me to go back to him (G is now my husband).

I still knew something was wrong and I couldn't figure out what it was. I began doing silly things to make myself feel better which only lasted in the short term but did long term damage to my self esteem. (I'm not willing to put up here what I did, but I will gladly e-mail you them as long as they remain confidential).

Then, strange things began to happen. Such as finding it difficult to make decisions. Even deciding when to cross the road. To the point that I would walk to the end of the road before crossing it, or standing for 5 minutes trying to decide whether to walk under the subway, or cross over the road to get to the otherside.

Then it began to affect my concentration levels. I couldn't concentrate. Couldn't keep awake. I would fall asleep in work on a daily basis.

You also have to bear in mind that quite a few things had happened to me also. The death of my Grandma, my estranged father, I was attacked on bonfire night and the death of my Nana.

The one morning, I just couldn't do anything anymore. I cried and cried and cried. Poor G. He did have a lot to cope with when I look back at it all. I went off sick for 1 month at the end of November. At the end of December, I tried to go back to work (those 3 days between Christmas and New Year. I couldn't do it.

I was put on inti-depressants.

I then tried to go back in March of the following year. I lasted 2 weeks before I went back off sick again. I didn't go back again until June 2005. Everything seemed to be going just fine, then I noticed in the following September that I felt "Inadequate". No other word for it really and nothing else could describe it. I then began to use my friends. Not intentionally, but I would see things that weren't there or read into a comment something that didn't exist. I was turning paranoid.

It was around the November time of 2005 when the crunch came. I rang G on his mobile. He was in work. He disconected the call as soon as it began to ring.

It was then that I started to take an overdose. I was sat in work popping pills. Apparently, I'd e-mailed someone on here and left her rather obvious clues as to what I was about to do, although I don't remember that. I remember G phoning me back and I remember stopping taking the pills. I told G what I'd done and I cried and cried and cried. He told me to stop and that he was coming to get me.

The other line in work was ringing (I am the receptionist here), and I kept picking up the line and putting it down again. It was my mum, although I didn't know that at the time. My friend had contacted my mum to tell me what she feared.

I don't remember walking to meet G. I don't remember mum and dad meeting me at home. All I can remember next is sitting there in the doctors and feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not regret. Not scared. Not anything.

I was signed off on the sick again.

It would be half way through March of this year before I went back to work again. It's been hard work, but I'm making my way through it.

I'm beginning to get concerned again as both times I became "ill" was in the autumn, and now we're heading into it again.

We're looking out for the signs of which there are one or two small ones, but we're hopefully on top of things this time.

oh my, thanks for sharing that - you never know, maybe looking at it again right now helps.

and deffo I haven't had one, so that's good. But I am definitely having something, so it's a bit strange. Today I feel fine (apart from turning into a wreck at the surgery) but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

To be frank, it's a relief to have actually sat down and told a RL person who doesn't know me. I think that about of untreated (self-diagnosed, if I'm honest, but I'm not the only person to have noticed it so I'm guessing it really was there) post-natal-depression, plus raging PMT which has steadily got wrse after having the Gruesomes.

Although I am desperately worried what would happen if I lost my job or had to be on the sick - we are financially precarious enough and I'm the main wage earner.

As the doc said: Probably I'd be surprised if I knew how many women in the village have the same symptoms, and yet none of us will talk about it to head it off.

G sounds like he's a great support though - I'm convinced that if you find the right person they can support you through anything.



oh and since I'm here, and since we do seem to bump into each other/cross paths fairly often - would you mind if I put you on my friends list?

oh and no need to share your secrets (although as an ex member of the Inteligence Corps I am officially qualified to keep them ) - I'll just let my imagination run riot!

I'm flattered you've asked me to go onto your friends list. I shall return the favour

I take it you're not menopausal. That can have drastic affects upon you, as can thyroid problems. Both of these I got tested for, even with my age.

It's difficult to advise someone on what they should do to help them eleviate their problems, because you need to see them before you can help them.

My boss suffers from depression and I quite often have to go into his room and get him to talk to me. I also clear his desk of work and give him one thing to do at a time. It all helps as he then doesn't feel under the same kind of pressure.

Here's a hint for you though. Get yourself a daily diary. Every hour write down exactly how you feel, but preferably using just one word. ie, tired, sleepy, tearful, happy.

In mine one day I wrote. "Really pissed off today. Feel really angry and don't know why. I threw blue bear out onto the landing. Sorry Blue Bear".

G thought it was amusing and he got Blue Bear and made me cuddle it better.

You should the begin to see some kind of pattern evolving. This will also help you if your doctor decides to refer you to someone. I had cognative behavioural therapy. It helped to a point.

thanks for the tip!

I could be menopausal - I have to make an appt at the Gyn for a hormone test. I hope it isn't - I'm really not looking forward to that. Still, it's going to happen sooner or later!

Poor ol' Blue Bear though! I'm more likely to throw onto the landing!

The sooner you have the test, the sooner you can get onto medication if it turns out your are menopausal. It takes a while to get the right one, so best get it treated sooner so they can get the right medication sooner.

It could well be that your burnt out. You just might need a rest.

Burnt out sounds about right.

I have some friends currently nagging me to ask the for the rest of the week off. I might just do that.
<---ginger and lemon for energy. Fancy some?

Just water for me please