h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

....that you've got a researcher number one less than me?

Snot fair! I want that number!



Can I have it?

How weird - but rather .

Nope, sorry, you can't have this number . I like my nice round researcher number .

(I have to admit, I check out other people's researcher numbers too.... get amazed at how many people have joined after me!)

Me too!!! When I first joined, I was quite a far way down the list. But people have come and gone, so I've moved up the list now...it's quite frightening as to how many are now logged on

I know... it seems really weird! But kind of cool at the same time. I keep trying not to feel smug at my comparitively low number as for someone who's been here a few years, I don't think I've contributed all that much...

BTW, I've just been over to your PS and I didn't know whether to post this here or there, if that makes sense .

I hope you feel better soon. I too tend to push people away when I get depressed, hurt and scared, and it's only now with my husband supporting me that I'm making an effort to let people in. Now I've got married it seems like I'm starting to deal with my past that I've locked up... I don't know if that's the sort of thing you're dealing with too, but I can understand some of how you may be feeling.

It's horribly hard and a real fight, and I know you have lots of hootoo mates who also can appreciate what's happening... but I'm here nonetheless

Sorry if this feels like me prying or being weird, but I hope you know you're not alone.

hey Rains...nothing in my PS is off limits. If I didn't want people to know, then I wouldn't type about it. It's just that easy really

I do want to say though...it is nice to know that there are people like me in the world...in fact, quite a few people I know on hootoo have very similar problems too

Cool. One of my friends is a bit iffy about that sort of thing so I didn't know how you'd feel, if that makes sense.

It is nice to know you're not alone . One of the worst things that can happen is to feel like you're the only person in the world feeling like this, and to realise that you're not is a relief!

It's just the anger bit I wish I could control better!

I know what you mean . Most of the time I'm pretty chilled out, but when I get wound up, I'm a . It's like a volcano erupting, sometimes - I'm not sure exactly what set it off, but the pressure's built up, and all of a sudden the only thing I can possibly do is explode and I can't stop it.

I tend to want to throw things, smash things, hit things . I'm not a shouter - I lose the ability to think and speak when I get really angry . And the first sign I'm getting mad and need to take time out to calm down is me accidentally slamming doors - I just don't notice the force I apply until the door smacks into the wall or its frame . My first instinct when I get angry is to run off and be alone somewhere.

I usually get angry at work, which is usually my cue to go and hide in the ladies for half an hour or so until the impulse to kick the crap out of something passes.

And the really bad thing is it usually happens at PMT time . I'm very lucky to have a very patient, calm and understanding husband who can usually calm me down. He's the only person I'll stand near me when I'm angry.

I haven't yet worked out how to control it, and I'm still working out how to react when it starts .

Is that the sort of thing that happens to you, too?

You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

The problem that I have is that I have a bad memory now too. The doctor says this is why I now get angrier easier. Because I can't remember what I'm supposed to be doing or saying, the anger begins to build.

It doesn't help with the fact that there are one or two people in the office (bearing in mind there are only 8 in the whole buildint) that really wind me up. I don't know how they do it, but they do.

My mum is a depressive too. yesterday was a very bad day for her. She couldn't stop crying. I couldn't help her. I was going to try to get off w*rk so I could go to her, but I couldn't.

Also what I tend to get is a feeling of uneasiness. I can't explain why I get them, and I usually end up phoning people up to make sure they're ok, or sending e-mails to other friends to make sure they're ok. The uneasiness doesn't usually pass until the next day, then I'm knackered.

I hope your mum's better today. It must have been awful for you to feel so helpless about it.

I tend to get paranoia rather than uneasiness - paranoia that no-one likes me, everyone's making fun of me, everyone thinks I'm fat/ugly/stupid/useless . I have really low self-confidence so I'm usually far too worried about someone thinking I'm stupid/whatever to go ahead and do something, and then I feel stupid, which just feeds the cycle even more.

A friend of mine also gets that uneasiness, so I understand some of how it feels for you as I'm often there trying to help him through it.

I tend to get angry because I feel inadequate and that I can't do anything right - similar to you, because I just can't work out what I should do or say, too.

There are people here who wind me up effortlessly, but fortunately our office is big enough so that I don't have to deal with them every day. With only 8 people in the building, it's trickier to avoid them I suppose .

Memory problems are awful. Are they temporary or permanent problems?