h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i think thats a stray dog....

With a hat and gumboots on ?

I think you may have had too much vodka and prune suprise my dear

i thought you gave me non-alcoholic one

It's probably the prunes then, they have a strange effect .

I 've got a note slipped under the door today, it reads;

"Be very worried, i have your plums, don't try anything"

Signed The Man From Delmonte

...
i meen... how terable...

It's got me all of a tremble i can tell you

I wonder if he's going to want a ransom? Perhaps the assassins could sort him out for me......but they'd have to go careful, my plums are at stake

*cough*
well if we reached an... agreement we can get your plumbs back and he will never bother you again

Ah, now we're talking.

And what would be an appropriate offer for "dealing with" a soft fruit kidnapper?

i will do ut for that fabcy pocket watch you keep in your left jacket pocket

You're an observant character are'nt you?

*Pulls out a pocket watch with a big dent in the front*

See that dent, my grandad always used to wear that watch next to his heart when he was fighting in the war.One day a sniper took aim and BANG, if he hadn't been wearing the watch he'd have been shot in the heart..............as it was it riccoched off the watch ,up his nose and blew his brains out.

You can have it.

thank you...
and the plumb kidnapper will be... swiftly delt with
and you shalt have your plumbs back mister airscotia
and if there is so much as a bruze on them we cam make there plumbnapers life so much more.... unplesent before we send him into the shadows

I knew i could trust you Ant, you're a pal...........a very dangerous pal.

Will you do the dirty deed yourself, or do you have someone in mind?

i suppose i could do it myself...
its been a while since i had to actualy do that tough...
i might send the scientist... khamsin... he has a lot to make up to me at the moment...
young assassins useing silver...

I know you're having a miserable time at the moment Ant, and i know you probably think things won't get better...........but they will, honest.

I experienced the same sort of thing when i was younger, so i know how upsetting it can all seem. The thing to remember is it's not your fault or problem, they have to work it out themselves....and they will.Keep that brilliant sense of humour,and try to run your own life as normally as possible, and you'll come through it all.

Anyway enough advice, here's a little to cheer you up......

..............Hang it somewhere you can see it when you feel down.

thanks air

* Decorates room with paperchains and tinsel*

* Puts up *

* Starts CD entitled 'Cliff's Christmas carols' *

* Leaves Crimbo card on table*



HAPPY CHRISTMAS ANT.

The best landlord a fruit fugitive could ask for

happy new year Air
things hacve improved a little and seem to be setteling don i just hope it continues that way

i wish you ALL the luck for the new year, well maybe not it all but all you need anyway

I actually need quite a bit of luck, but the bit i'm not using you can borrow.

Great news that things are working out a bit better, Christmas is normally a time for things to resolve themselves one way or the other. It's hard to be stuck in a situation that you can't control, but i'm sure you'll cope............you have all right qualities. I mean being female, intelligent and Scottish you can't fail(At least that's what my wife tells me)

What did santa bring you then Ant? I got rather a nice set of walking socks(That's socks to go walking in, not self propelled ones), and a trowel and paintbrush for my Archeaology

i got a mobile phone and a camera and some other little things, a lot of books
but the thing that masde me happyest was being able to spend some time with my friend as he is normaly down in england at uni,

I like your wifes philosophy,