h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi, abbi, it cerrtainly has been a roller coaster ride! I just found out on Thursday, that a man I hadn't known very well, but who had been a friend of my brother in 1980, died on August 18th. I have a photo of five of us - boyfriend, my brother me, and two of my brother's friends out at a nightclub in 1980. Now two of us in that photo are dead - my brother and Lindsay. It was a shock, even though I dodn't know him well..

Photos are powerful.
They get more so as time goes on.
I love taking photos for that reason so many in mine have passed and photos help make memories crisper. Their scent comes back to me when I look at them

I am glad you talk about your brother.
I think it helps a tiny bit, when not much else does.
You have mentioned much of your family does not talk about him

Absolutely no pressure - If you ever need warm earsI'm willing.

Thank you, abbi. He was so much a part of our lives in the last few years, especially since Jim was born, and there is no room in the house that does not contain a memory of him, something he have us as a present (even this computer!) At first, I found all the reminders hard, but now I am really pleased. He had a stationery thing as well - he had four different sizes of stapler, and dozens of pens, pads, compendia (those letter pad things with space for pen and envelopes) and heaps of clear files etc. We're using that stuff, with gratitude and pleasure. His taste in music and videos was very similar to ours, (though not exactly the same) so we listen to a lot of his tapes and CDs, and watch many of his DVDs and videos.
But not Elton John. He had an Elton John obsession (hence his screen name Empty Sky) and I chose EJ's music for the funeral... Before he died, Elton John simply wasn't my taste - now, oddly, I positively *hate* some of it.
But we are really enjoying Andy Stewart (!) and the Morecambe & Wise CD he had. (Jim gave away his Monty Python CD as a birthday present to one of his school friends.)

I have always thought of photos as a split second of time being recorded for ever.
They seem more real than watching video footage of some one who is no longer with us.

The only thing worse than missing some one, is being treated like you were in fact dead yourself by members of your own family.
Thats why I put all the pictures of them away in a drawer, and just got on with the rest of my life!
Smudger,

Sudger I agree that pictures are so much better than video.
You do catch a moment in time easily missed by the photographer and people present in any given picture. People do not usually act like themselves in video either.

As for being wrote off as dead
My brother has apparently done that with me.
With all the deaths he has experienced in 3 years and his lamenting loss of family and then the compalining of lack of family I really do not understand.
He has broken my heart

Yes, that seems to be the reaction when that happens smudger, Philippe did much the same, but in fact he actually destroyed the photos. Very sad, but understandable.

Adelaide, so sorry to hear about all this. Yes, your brother probably was more affected 'cos of his age, when you are a kid, it is incredibly difficult to fathom the "why?" & not come to the conclusion it's your fault.

My dad died when i was 3, grandad when i was about 8/9, Mother when i was 11, then grandmother when i was 13. This left absolutely no family whatsoever (no siblings or aunts & uncles etc) so it's not surprising i have a "bit of a thing" about death really!

zdt

So that is where Empty Sky came from.
I am surprised I never picked up on that.
I did ask him about it once.
He told me he believed the sky was empty, he thanked me for asking about it.

I am glad you are moving through life with his stuff around you and not afraid of it. It honors his life as much as yours.

Music is so powerful , it is a blessing in so many ways
Good you could chose the music for his funeral ,knowing what he liked

Elton John has gone through many changes trying to become genuine which always takes courage.
(I am guessing for EJ of course)
I take my hat off to that and the fact he has been some of the background music through my time on this earth. Enough that it marks time and personal changes for me when I hear his music playing.

I may have s CD of his best hits somewhere. I'll look and if so I will play it and think of all my brothers and yours
Gosh I really need to have a cry soon...

Hi Terri

Hi abbi, how's it going?

back!

zdt

<< is being treated like you were in fact dead yourself by members of your own family>>

That's terrible, Smudger...

I am so sorry about your brother, abbi. With any luck, he'll come round and realise that family are precious, and he'll want to mend the relationship...

Oh, terri, I am sorry to hear about your family, how dreadful for you! What became of you, you were so young, did you have to go into care? I am lucky I was an adult by the time my parents died, and I should have realised how much harder it was for Garth - I always thought he saw it the way I do - as just something that couldn't be helped. My parents had lost *their* parents by the time we were born, so I just thought, oh well, parents die when their children are in their 20s, that's how it is. But usually, it isn't!

My hubby on the other hand is 45 and never lost anybody in the family. That is hard for me to imagine.

I'm sorry your brother has hurt you so badly Abbi. That is really inexplicable to me! It makes me very angry at him, that he would treat someone as dear as you so shabbily.

Thanks Ellen.

Having an icky day feeling like I am dissapearing.
Maybe the missing house parts is adding to it

Thought this business of having troubles breathing in September would go away with the It has gotten easier ,last year was easiest. Does not feel easy at this moment hope this is the peak of it but dunno.

**warning survivors may not want to read*

I Did not count on my brother abandoning me.
But then again who does?

Abandon so many times and in so many ways in September.... it feels like that today. No surprise I give birth to the worst of the emotional pain on labor day still a week away.

The first bad September;
Bio-Mom standing over us telling us children we are going to a fair.
The fair was a fund raiser for the orphanage.
Doubt they took in enough money that day to take care of all the kids she donated Imagine the look on the headmistress face when she realized that pregnant mother also left a pregnant child and never shed a tear.

They sure made a lot of movies with 1940's cars driving away from scenes about abandoning others. Those scenes stop me in my tracks , I did not understand why do they always scream?
Made me feel like a stupid little fool, at least they knew they were being left and they screamed.
I did not.
How did they know nobody would ever be back for them?
It took me years to scream.

Amazes me how strong this ickiness is and how small I seem to be.
How hard it is just to breathe normal , cannot begin to wipe the look of being scared to death of a terrifying unknown off my face.

Damnest pain.
I do know I am not alone
I hope for peace to return quickly.

Hi kaz ,you do try being a hospital visitor,if you have a pet animal,
try and include them as well,if they are of a freindly nature ,as you will find that they seem tio lift the mood.

As to crying your eyes out there will betimes but ,also great joy also brings it own tears, pain and suffering also ,give us humour,
you will find yourself laughing at the oddest things ,i'm sure.

Hi Abbi
http://www.sara-moon.com/sm-other/sm-other-html/image-improve.htm
came acrossed this site some good links from it, insperation for your art room,must

Oh abbi, this is terrible! I hope you will feel better soon.

Thanks for hugs hug you back too!

I feel some better tonight than when the day started.
Hope I stay in this place and can sleep well. I remember it is a bad time to miss sleep, food and the basics.

Sometimes I feel bad that I wrote such things when I read them later.
Then again maybe I feel a bit better partly because I did write it rather than steep in it. I talked to a long time friend afterwards so that helped too. She also said keep writing and talking.

Talked to twinny and she said that L (daughter living with her) loves September and is at her best so she'll be a good balancer for her on that end It was good for twinny and I to have each other to validate this months memories even if it did take 38 years.

Hope tomorrow morning feels better.
This is my first Day without company in quite a while, no immediate plans for more soon either. I hope to become better company for myself though!

I have to enjoy every quiet morning I have in the next couple months. Hmm I Wonder if the city forbids loud noise before 8 or 9 am?

Glad you are feeling a little better tonight Abbi.

Sod the city, make a bloody noise!!!!

i tried to post earlier & it didn't happen, never mind, it was just maudlin stuff.

Abbi-wooh, at times like this, maybe stop being strong & just give in to feeling hurt by life, which you surely have been, feel sorry for yourself, have damn good .

Enjoy it almost, strong emotions, even negative ones, mean you are alive & feeling, which is your signature tune. Sometimes the sheer strength of the hurting stuff actually adds to your back up resources; you know what i mean. So long as you realise that by accepting it, you are in fact dealing with it.

you abbi.

zdt