h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here, I have decided to answer some unanswerable questions, and then provide a humerous spin on them. Here goes:

1) What is the sound of one hand clapping? No sound at all. Many of you have seen the episode of The Simpsons where Bart answers the question, but he's wrong, that's not one hand clapping, that's rpaidly closing and unclosing your fist. Start clapping normally. Now remove one hand. You are left with one hand clapping, whcih makes no sound at all.

2) If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes. Sound is a vibration of air molecules, which would be produced by any tree falling, or indeed anything falling at all. Just because no one expreiences it doesn't mean it's not there. If that were true, then nothing exists outside the room I'm in now, which is ridiculous, as my sister could come in at any moment, but could not if she did not exist, plus I can leave the room and do talk to her. *Does so.* Well, I'm back, and stuff does exist outside this room, hence a tree always makes a sound when it falls.

3) How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? No idea, but wouldn't you think angels would have better stuff to do?

And now for the humerous twists:

1a) What is the sound of one ass cheek farting?
2a) If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one there to hear it and it hits a pop star, does anyone care?
3a) How long can demons dance on the head of a pin before they kill each other?

I had always heard 2a) as if a tree falls in a wood and lands on a mime when no one is around, does anybody care (and alternately, "does the mime make a noise")?

Technically you didn't answer #3.