h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have been cooking today. I like cooking. It makes me feel, well I don't know somehow more satisfied that the meal I am eating is wholly of my construction. I don't mind say baking the odd cake or two and bread is really good for a cooking, but what I really like doing is main meals. I am not talking your single course bacon and chips verity I am talking 2 to 8 courses of really nice food. I construct masterpieces of my own creation and things from books. I can make food like some people make love, carefully, taking a long time and making a lot of mess, with a satisfactory result at the end for all parties involved. Whats even better about cooking is that you can share it between more than 2 people (unless you have very strange sense of sex, but if thats what makes you happy (and I am sure it makes you very happy) then its ok by me). However given the choice I would have sex over cooking (what? I am a male after all) any day. One can also cook a lot more than one has sex, but thats also a preference I would prefer not to have (of course that might just mean someone else cooks and there is no sex involved in any way). That is were the differences end though. Both sex and cook have quite a lot in common. For a start they takes you a while to build up to, you can have complicated and simple books containing many recipes from far and distant (or rather close) lands, you can involve many different ingredients, you can get a curry or you can get stake and chips, and you may regret the meal afterwards or revel in its success. You may like or dislike many different stylus and can on occasion over boil the pot or stir it to much. You can even use equipment that looks more like its used in a dungeon as torture equipment if your in to that kind of thing (if you had seen some of the kitchen utensils I have seen you would agree) if you want to do this its fine by me as long as you do it without me. And of course you can be missing one vital ingredient and have to pop down to the shops to get it.
If you really think hard sex is a lot like cooking.
Now all I need is a that one ingredient that is so vital for sex, but not so much for cooking. A girlfriend. If anyone knows anyone round here who is in need of a bloke who likes cooking, dogs and procrastination please inform me.

well as a quoplifyied chef I can honistly sayty depending on what you are cooking a women is necessary
and I carnt help you on the other bit sorry

That sounds far to much like "and my lovely assistant Brenda" to me but I will take your word for it, since I am not a qualified chef, but have read "The Pendant in the Kitchen".

This is the second most interesting "help-I-need-a-girlfriend" article I've ever read...

i thought it was very true. maybe i should write one on the mysteries of skinny dipping. besides, there is something extremely comforting about cooking. you go in the kitchen and you dont have to say a word but (usually) everything does what its supposed to. i cant make cakes (unless its angel food (and thats because im forced to put a LOT of air into it (because i do everything by hand and am currently at war with my lovely mixer))) but bread. wow, making bread is the most purifying thing in the world.

What was the first most?

Oh, 'twas an article in the newspaper where a guy was asking for a female to employ him in order for him to live out his fetisj for cleaning naked. The only condition was that the female would have to watch him clean her house (or she could bring friends). He claimed to be highly professional... Third grade put it up on their classroom messageboard...

The first most? Definitely watching my babies born and watching them grow up. Gives you a definite faith in the world.

I'm guessing fetisj is fantasy? That is too funny. Send me his number, I'd like not having to mop once a week!

i think its a misspelled "fetish"

Yes...yes....yes, I do think you're right.

He is right, which is no surprise since he is the king of misspellings... I was switching to Norwegian... I'm so out of practice...

Me too. I really need to practice my English more often.

Bite me! You live in a place where you speak an English dialect, and you write it at school all the time!

Well if you count things like Bronkaruns, Equapenties, and Harry Kevlar as english then yes.

I figured that'd get you started. Actually, I'm thinking up taking grunting as standard form of communication. Or maybe I should start speaking in binary (is that possible?). Or maybe I should start acting like my dogs...no, I think that would be unadvisable. I am not fluent in English, but I have several dialects down pat.

binary would be a pain, but you can count to 32 on one hand ( you should be able to do that anyway), hexadecimal is much easier and has more fluency as you can actually make real english words with it. ABCDEF.

*rollsonfloor* too much, too much...

Thankyou I am here all year.

it was in agony.

I have tat effect on some people.