h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just so you all know this is topic of rants I will make in future, I will republish the hole list of topics on my "darakats guide to darakats rants" (A1903565 ) page ASAICBB (As soon as I can be botherd)
20 is what I would do as leader of our nation
19 is about the what I would do if I ran a major religion
18 is about death (work in progress)
17 is about halloween (Work in Progress)
16 is about the misconceptions of magic
15 is about the inadequacies of various political systems.
14 is a manifesto of sorts of my beliefs.

This months (day dalyed for internet access resons) is about magic. Its a fanatsy rant, but a goody.

Ok here is a few "facts" about magic that like to get us started:

• The science of magic is mostly called Thuamollagy although this is a Terry Prattchetisum, personally I like the name Arcanollagy after the science of the arcane.

• The Occult and Magic are two DIFFERENT ENTITIES! You would be surprised how many people get this wrong. The Occult is to deal with dark forces and what is called "never magic" magic which is not really magic, you will find that the distention is however blurred still there. Witches in most books deal in the magic in occult and thus the two get tied.

• There are 4 distinct types of magic in most books. You will find most will put them in:
- Divine Magic: This is magic that comes from the soul and the mind, the belief in god. Moses is a nice example (not necessary historical, but a nice example none the less) of this, his divinations and conjurations come directly from his god (of belief in god) apparently. Magical components may be necessary to show your god you are willing to sacrifice, or something along those lines, and may involve killing, or just eating a spider.
- Arcane Magic: The most familiar form of magic, Harry Potter and Gandalf are nice popular account of this, the magic in this case come from a magical unit called the Thuam or Arcanus, or something like that. The magic is naturally there and not given by any god, you generally need special words, movements or other material components for this sort of magic (such as eye of newt) (although it might be we don't know its just nice anyway).
- Physic Magic: The weirder form of magic, this is magic which directly involves the mind, you gain it almost like sorcery, but its use is much different a Physic can use his mind to make you think some rather nasty (or nice things) are acutely happening, but he may even make these things happen on the outside world as well. Thankfully minds have limited power.
- Sorcerer Magic: This is magic that is a gift, or is given. Unlike divine magic it doesn't require belief and unlike arcane magic or physic magic the mind and memory of spells has nothing to do with it. The sorcerer has magic as a part of him, its him all over, without it he would just be another guy. The magic he wields is his own and he wilds it generally with years of practice by himself in the mirror (oh gods that sounds so bad) but there is generally a limit to the type of amount he may use this without becoming as week as your average 2 day old kitten.

These four types are subdivided into 8 Schools of magic:
Abjuration
Illusion
Necromancy
Conjuration (Summoning)
Divination
Enchantment (Charm)
Alteration
Invocation (Evocation)
Universal

Yes I know there are nine, but universal doesn't count as all wizards can cast spells from this school.

It is entirely possible to get a specialist magi who likes a particular school so much he spends most of his time learning it. The name of these wizards can is generally:

Abjurer, Illusionist, Necromancer, Conjurer, Diviner, Enchanter, Alterer, Invoker

You generally can't get a wizard who specializes in the Universal school although Rincewind may be a good (really good) example of what happens if you don't study.

This is the basis for this rant. I will write more on it later.

magic, eh?

Why yes, do you want some? :P

i could do with a little.

As the thuamamunger whould say: Ok gov, what sort da ya want?

Gimme whatcha got for five bucks, then!

might be a bit hard I would have to split the thuam in 8.

Damn. So what's your best offer then?

Well theres 16 thuams of Evocation magic I havn't been able to sell, gov, I could let that go for 10.

hmm...i say dicker betty.

I just go on suply and demand miss, nothing more. 10 million not that much to ask for 10 thuams, you know how rare real magic is in this dimention? I can tell you a price of 1million to a thuam of Evocation magic is nothing. In my day we where glad to have a thuam of magic for 10 billion and that being divination magic, mind, that stuff really doesn't work as well as it should you know...

Bah! I can get that for $8.50 from the corner store! You'll have to do better than that, especially with the price of shippind from Australia. I think someone's just trying to make a quick buck off of me from over there.

bippity-boppity-boop~!

"Of course, I could be one of those Australian con men you have heard so much about..." Darakats introductory text.

Gee does no-one know anything about being evil any more? Its a dying art. Like necromancy, its a dying art as well.

damn australians.

:evilgrin:

you enjoy that a bit too much...

:evilgrin: indeed, it's no good if you come right out and say that you're evil. It's like trying to proclaim that you're the coolest person in the world. If you have to tell people then you're just not really reaching them.

ive always been mad I know I have been mad...

If you're saying that to scare us into acknowledging your evilness before it's too late, it won't work!