h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Do any of you ever wonder how on earth you ever became friends with certain people in the first place?

Because of my job I sometimes get drop-in visits from old classmates or long-lost relatives. And occasionally I renew an acquaintance with an old friend I've lost touch with over the years. Facebook is a great place to run into folks you haven't seen for 40 years. Almost invariable, we no longer have anything in common except old school ties and shared memories. Which is nice, but it isn't really enough to sustain a meaningful friendship, especially when the person in question is seemingly frozen in time.

Case in point is a woman I reconnected with a few months ago. We were actually good friends when we were in high school. She spent time at my house and I spent time at hers. Her opinions, beliefs and attitudes are exactly as I remember them. She apparently stopped growing. She is satisfied to believe and defend the same things she was told to believe as a child, to cling to the same prejudices, to give her loyalty to the same causes.

If I met her for the first time today, there is no way we would strike up a friendship. My constant skepticism disturbs her as much as her blind acceptance distresses me. But I truly don't understand people who take the attitude that whatever they are taught about religion, politics, social issues,prejudices as children is automatically valid, is enough to satisfy them, and there is no necessity to go beyond it. It's almost like they are imprisoned by their early conditioning and so content with it that they fail to see the bars on the windows and doors.

Pah. Brainwashing children is a form of child abuse, imho. Teach them to think critically, to listen to all sides of any controversial issue, and then let them decide for themselves what to believe and not to believe. Oh, and when they reach a conclusion for themselves, accept it and respect them for it, even if it disagrees with your own opinions and beliefs.

Which brings me to one of my favorite sayings attributed to Buddha. "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it. or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

I was wondering this same thing this weekend when I saw a facebook post from a college friend of mine. Back then, I knew him to be a bit paranoid. He did harbor some conspiracy theories.

But now he's gone full Tea Party Libertarian. This weekend he posted a response to the current Syrian crisis. He stated that Obama needs to know that we have no allies in the conflict and that our goal should be to ensure that both sides do not run out of ammunition.

I didn't even bother to respond to that.

Just now, however, I went to confirm what he had posted and low and behold, he's no longer on my friends list.

Was it something I said?

thank you

yes i do wonder... especially after this last high school reunion
and you clarified so well the conundrum....

one thing i came up with is that people gravitate towards what works for them.
if an " operating system" works for them, they stay with it...
in my case, my childhood operating system was NOT working for me
so i got out of it as soon as i could.

Yeah, but why do some of us ask ourselves if something makes sense or not and others just accept what they're told, no matter how illogical it is? It seemingly isn't an issue of IQ.

The region in which I live is absolutely repressive in many ways. For a long time I thought it was regional and that people in other areas would look at issues more critically. But that isn't really the case. It is clearly early childhood conditioning. So the question is why didn't it take on me the way it did on so many of my childhood friends, cousins, etc.

we have another thread going ( the three rs ) which is touching on similar subjects...
someone over there mentioned "bright children"
which made me think
we all for the most part are born "bright"
but things get in the way of us staying bright...
like dust these things cloud and dim our light

like a repressive society that reaches even into the family creche

but sometimes someone or something comes along and wipes the dust away...

and whether the dust accumulates again or not, the effects change everything

Your friend sounds like she's been taking Buddha's advice too literally. It seems to negate the idea of critical thinking and healthy scepticism.

For one thing, only believing people who think like you is what most people do anyway, unless it's their job to think (teachers, professors, researchers etc), and even then some of them have a hard time thinking outside their own 'reason and common sense'. Astronomer Fred Hoyle, for instance, who refused to believe in the big bang theory. That's far from being the only such dispute among top research/theoretical scientists. There was another, similar one in recent years, the details of which (and the names of those involved) escapes me, and there have been others. Intelligent people can be just as prejudiced and intransigent as the average racist, sexist, whatever-ist.

Secondly, and following on from that, it sounds like a good way to reinforce someone's prejudices because 'reason and common sense' to one person can be bigotry or lunacy to someone else. It used to be reason and common sense to many in the south (still is to some) that segregation was good, necessary and ordained by God and should be the only way. If they only ever listened to those whose words fitted their own reason and common sense, how - or why - would they ever need to think and believe anything else for the rest of their life?

Religion is very, very good at doing this. ""So I'm going to tell you what the facts are, and the facts are the facts, but then we know the truth. That always overcomes facts," she has said." http://www.npr.org/2013/09/01/217746942/texas-megachurch-at-center-of-measles-outbreak (I recommend listening to it if you can, rather than reading the transcript).

Oh dear Bob almighty

Any road up, and to switch tack to something more uplifting, what I often wonder about is how well we get on with so many of the people we work with. I've seen many close friendships and romances strike up at work, and even just on a day-to-day, not seeing each other outside work basis, the level of friendship and bonhomie is quite astonishing sometimes. I'm not sure that the same people would all get on so well in normal social circumstances. In fact, I know that from experience. Perhaps it's something to do with having a common purpose - working for the same employer and being a part of the company, which in turn means keeping a job.

That's true, Gosho. What to me is a legitimate question is heresy to another. What seems absurd to me is sensible to someone else.

I think the workplace friendships happen as you say because not getting along causes a lot of problems.

Oh, Hypatia, I do agree. I got back in touch with old school friends some years ago,and though it was nice to catch up I found I had nothing in common with them.

I agree with you about children. I took that approach with mine, on religion, politics and a host of other things, except my definition of right and wrong in the basic things.

Just as well as they have turned out totally different from what I expected but I am very proud of them and we enjoy a good old debate on things we disagree on

U-turns are much criticised here, especially in politics, but I don't have a problem with it, provided it is based on new information, a genuine change of heart or the resolution of a moral dilemma. Of course if it is political for personal advancement then that is different.

The main thing is that people 'think' and many don't.

I liked the Buddha quote, but it rather depends on whether your own reason and common sense is based on a sound mind.

Websailor

I like the Buddha quote too - unfortunately, common sense seems to be almost extinct these days.

'Oh, I didn't think about that.'

'Oh, I didn't realize we were in the way.'

'Oh, I never thought of doing it the smarter/more efficient way.'

I much prefer the friends I've made as an adult. I have much more in common with them than my school chums. There are a couple of classmates I stay in touch with and greatly enjoy, but we have lots in common besides history.