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Anger Management
ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms Started conversation Aug 31, 2010
So. Looking back over previous entries and blog posts, this isn't really a surprise.
I'm angry a lot. No particular reason necessarily, just angry. Today is a good example: had a nice lie in after a late night with DT, easy breakfast & lunch, read a bit, pottered a bit, planning a gym trip later with a swing towards groceries at some point. Fairly nice, calm day, really, by most people's standards.
But I'm sitting here, completely irrationally angry. I'm not taking it out on anyone, I'm not shouting or swearing or slamming doors. I'm not angry with anyone in my life and nobody deserves to be shouted at for no reason.
The odd thing is, until a random conversation with the school therapist year before last, I never realised I was this way, that I had this irrational anger, which although I can control it, certainly colours my days a bit.
Have had lots of nasty stuff happen. Have survived, mainly unscathed. Just residually angry.
So how to manage it? What to do about it? Yoga helps. Kickboxing helps. Exercise helps. Other people don't generally help, even DT. Even dog doesn't really help. Observing that I am angry for no reason helps a little, mainly because then I feel silly on top of angry, which is very difficult to maintain.
And I can't cope with getting angry - I do the typically girly thing and cry if I am legitimately angry at someone and have to discuss it in any way, leading people to think you're either a wuss or a complete lunatic, crying instead of shouting, shutting down instead of tearing someone a new one..
Anger Management
ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms Posted Aug 31, 2010
On the plus side, I figured out why I was angry today, after working out for an hour.
Anger Management
kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013 Posted Sep 1, 2010
That can't be a nice feeling to have simmering away, would it help to talk it through with a therapist of some sort? As you say, it doesn't hurt other people because you are in control, but it cannot be pleasant for you to feel like you *have* to stay in control all the time.
Anger Management
ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms Posted Sep 1, 2010
It was a therapist who pointed it out to me my first year at uni. Until then I simply hadn't realised I was any different to anyone else.
I'm not angry all the time - mostly I'm fairly cheerful and happy, especially after I joined the gym. It's the irrational stuff that really gets me - not knowing why I'm all of a sudden seething.
I am a control freak and I know it. So controlling my temper or emotions feels like it's something I should do, even if other, 'normaller' people don't, to the same extent. I don't like being out of control, whether it's temper, drink or anything else.
Anger Management
psychocandy-moderation team leader Posted Sep 1, 2010
I can sympathize. I don't find myself feeling angry for no particular reason, but I do frequently get much, much angrier than warranted. In situations where the same annoying thing happens time and time again, I become irrationally angry, either raging and crying (when other people aren't around) or stewing away in my own juices till I wind up physically ill or with a migraine. There's a (particularly dense) woman at my office who drives me to the brink on a weekly basis; one time she made me so angry, a couple of blood vessels burst in one of my eyes.
For the most part, I'm sure it's because I am also a control freak. Presumably it has a lot to do with my childhood. But I don't like it either.
If you figure out some trick to get it under control, please let me know what it is.
Anger Management
ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms Posted Sep 1, 2010
Ohh, do you reckon it might be a control freak thing? Seeing as how we're both self-confessed advocates? Plus, childhoods! My mother and your mother, oy vey. (plus all the other stuff)
The world doesn't conform to our desires = the urge to break something (heh. In a semi-Freudian slip, almost typo'ed 'someone')...
Yesterday, figuring out why I was so angry really helped and although I still felt silly about being angry, plus silly about not realising, plus silly about the thing I was angry about...I felt better, just knowing what happened.
And today I'm much more cheerful and happy-go-lucky.
I don't generally make myself sick or burst vessels (sounds worrying!) but I get a little snappy(ier) with stupidity and I lose my patience more quickly than I'd otherwise do. Under those circumstances, unfortunately, the hardest thing for me to do is play well with others at Uni, which is something I struggle with anyway (it's the educational setting, not the 'others' that's the problem). Another reason why going to the gym after school is good because then at least I don't come home and spew all over DT.
PC - have you tried doing something physical? Like boxing or karate or even rock climbing? Something that takes you out of yourself, gets the adrenaline going and gives you an endorphin boost. Might help you stay calmer for longer when you know that this person always upsets you.
Anger Management
psychocandy-moderation team leader Posted Sep 3, 2010
I'd guess that those of us who grew up with perpetually angry, overly critical or abusive parents probably don't have much frame of reference for emotions other than anger, rage, or negativity. If, while growing up, we watched those who mold and teach us overreact to everything or get angry all the time, then that's how we learn to react as well.
While I suppose it all boils down to the world not conforming to my desires, when I think it through most of the time I get angry, it's because I perceive disrespect (though I appreciate this might not be the person's intent, it is the overall net effect), or has violated my personal boundaries somehow. Anger is a protective reaction- probably also a defense mechanism.
I also get snappy, lose patience too quickly, say things I don't mean. Sometimes I feel like I "can't take it anymore". I play well with others for the most part- one of the things I find so funny about myself is that I am intensely misanthropic in general, yet very courteous and friendly toward people I deal with on a regular basis. If and when someone gets on my shit list, I usually resort to passive aggression rather than lashing out in anger. If anyone gets to see that side, it's unfortunately poor K, since it's with him I let my guard down the most. I love having him around, and he is such a wonderful guy (and so much fun!), but he does do some things, housekeeping standards in particular, that annoy me to the point of losing it.
As nice as punching something sounds sometimes, I don't have a lot of time to spend on activities like that, so I don't very often. Blowing off steam is usually a good thing, though... and it works better than mellowing out because it works so much quicker. It's not as easy getting from raving lunatic to totally zen as it is to let it all out on an inanimate object.
Anger Management
ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms Posted Sep 3, 2010
I wonder why we find getting / being angry so frightening? Is it the out of control thing?
And then, considering how controlled we try and be, how come we can't do controlled anger rather than crying and being upset. It seems counterintuitive.
Generally, when I'm upset, I am my own worst enemy. I'm not usually mean to others but I can come across as very stroppy and unlikeable when I'm upset, which with most people is all they see and not that I'm upset..which then turns into a downward spiral of sorts.
Punching bags rather than people - much better!
Anger Management
psychocandy-moderation team leader Posted Sep 3, 2010
I typically do the wrong kind of controlled anger: I stifle and bottle it up, simmering along at a slow burn until something (usually something of little actual importance and nearly always something which doesn't warrant an emotional response) sets me off and I totally explode.
Then five minutes later I'm over it and half the time I don't know or can't remember what I was so upset about. But there's sometimes fallout to contend with.
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Anger Management
- 1: ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms (Aug 31, 2010)
- 2: ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms (Aug 31, 2010)
- 3: kelli - ran 2 miles a day for 2012, aiming for the same for 2013 (Sep 1, 2010)
- 4: ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms (Sep 1, 2010)
- 5: psychocandy-moderation team leader (Sep 1, 2010)
- 6: ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms (Sep 1, 2010)
- 7: psychocandy-moderation team leader (Sep 3, 2010)
- 8: ismarah - fuelled by M&Ms (Sep 3, 2010)
- 9: psychocandy-moderation team leader (Sep 3, 2010)
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