h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hiya!

I'm so sorry to hear about you and Chris . It feels like he did the right thing by calling it off - and you're right, you can't help him if he won't accept any help from anyone at all. It doesn't stop it hurting in the meantime, though . Be kind to yourself, as a relationship ending is always a loss and you need to let yourself grieve. It's a process with lots of ups and downs (and rounds and rounds) and it isn't the same for everyone. Your anger and sadness is probably part of it, and I hope you can work through it and come out of the other side a stronger and wiser person . I know at times like this it's really hard to trust God and His plans - even to talk to God about it all isn't easy. Sometimes it can be like clinging on by your fingernails!

I wouldn't want to work in Divorce law - there must be so much anger and bitterness between the clients, as you've seen, it would be hard to deal with on so many levels. I wouldn't know where to start thinking about specialisations... that said, my dad is having trouble with a former employer (a very long story) and apparently there's a shortage of lawyers who specialise in employment law... if that helps!

The lads we had on the course were mostly really nice lads who'd never really had anyone listen to them, and it surprised me how many of them were in for something they'd done while drunk, like assault or theft etc. One of them was really affected by the course, as the chap he assaulted had had to miss his own wedding because of it, and he was really remorseful and resolved to live differently once he got out. They're so used to people expecting the worst from them, that someone coming in and viewing them as a human being is a total surprise. I really felt like I was doing something useful with them. The next course is February, and I'm looking forward to it already .

I'm off on another healing week at the end of this month - which I'm nervous about. Although the last one was amazing, and I know I'll feel better for it, I still feel all nervous and "I'm not sure I want God to deal with this", which is daft I know. I know my subconscious is hiding wounds and all kinds of things that have hurt me, and won't let them into my conscious mind, so I just feel the weight of them, like icebergs, if that makes sense? We've had some new people start coming to church who are lovely and in a similar spot on the journey to me, and it's so great knowing I'm not alone and we all support each other! I hope you've got support and friends around you to keep you going .

I never really had a year out of studying (well, till I finished!), so I think part of me is treating this as it . I saw something on teletext about vacancies for volunteers abroad for all kinds of things, so with luck you'll be able to find something you'll love to do. Are you thinking of going anywhere in particular? Hopefully your brain will enjoy the break and the change from legal issues!

The one thing I'm having trouble with is just that the choice of what I could do is so wide... I spend an awful lot of time just thinking "arrgh, what do I do??" . It's so nice having time to do housework and things, but I must admit the technical and engineering bits of my brains are feeling a bit under-stimulated . I just don't really know how to stimulate them!

No babies yet for us - but we're still trying . It's all exciting - another friend has just had her second baby, another friend is pregnant with her 4th.... and to add to that, we've got 4 weddings to go to this year. I feel surrounded by them - and happy for everyone .

Take care of yourself . It'd be great to hear how you're getting on, if you have time.

Love and God bless

Lins x

Hiya!

Thanks for your message

Flippin'eck! Just had another massive shock... this whole life thing isn't going too well at the moment! Chris turned up again, early in the morning, and announced that he's seeing another girl in Oxford. I didn't think it was possible for me to feel any more crap, but now I do. It's clearly just a rebound thing, but it still hurts deeply. He said he's not very excited to be going out with her, but I don't understand how he could do this to me without having a very strong reason. It's going to take me a hugely long time to sort my head out, I've had a thorough battering and only God can put it right.

Sorry, I think I'll have to go to bed and type the rest of my message tomorrow... I've had a long day and I'm exhausted

Hi again,

Had some sleep and feeling a bit better now, but still very bitter, angry and upset. I will certainly need counselling to sort out my problems, and will consider looking for a church healing course. I can understand how it makes you nervous to go to healing weekends - sometimes problems are very deep-rooted, and finding those roots requires dredging through a lot of stuff. It definitely makes sense that you have things that are mainly subconscious weighing on your mind. I'm such a mess that I have no idea where God will start in trying to fix me... only time will tell.

I have actually considered employment law because I've worked with a barrister who specialises in it... but unfortunately when I was with him he was dealing with cases from other areas of law. Criminal law would seem to be as close to real justice as it gets, but I'm sometimes sceptical as to whether real justice actually exists. There certainly doesn't seem to be much of it in the real world, anyway...

So many criminals are simply people from deprived backgrounds who have got themselves into unfortunate circumstances. They are the kind of people who need the Gospel more than anyone else, because after all Jesus came in to the world to save people like them. It does annoy me when people think that Christianity is only for squeaky clean people or middle aged WI members who like to put on their best hat and head along to the parish church every Sunday. Most of the people who are touched by Jesus' great works in the Gospels are outcasts and disreputable types... it seems to be the snobs that are usually against Jesus!

At the moment I'm thinking of going to China for a few weeks on my year out on a Christian scheme, but the pursuit of life's random little joys is my main aim. I'd like to both contribute to society and do some arty things simply for my own enjoyment. I've started a thread on Ask h2g2 called "my alternative to-do list" about exciting and unusual things to do in a year out.

Thinking of starting a family must be so exciting - although I have to say that having had all my dreams shattered in that department it's no longer very high on my priority list. Have you thought about things like how many children you're going to have yet? Just to be planning one must be amazing... after all, it's a whole new little person you're bringing into the world!

Must go and get back to the essay now!

God bless you!

Hiya

It sounds like life is not being good to you at the moment . If I were in your shoes I'd also feel very angry, betrayed and dismayed and all sorts of stuff. I have to admit I can't understand why he's doing what he's doing, even if it is a rebound thing - and coming to tell you all about it is harsh .

I wish I could remember the verse, but it says that God wants to give us the desires of our hearts when we seek Him. I know right now thoughts of being married and all that are a long way away, but when the time's right He'll sort it out. I can remember times when I've really despaired of ever being married or even starting to be made whole, but things are slowly coming together.

A good book to read, all about femininity and finding our place in God's plan, is Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge. It goes through so much stuff and there's lots in there about how we're wounded and how to start on the process of healing - and lots more that it would take me pages to write. It's helping me lots, and it could be worth a read. It helps that it's not one of those "do this, this and this and then you'll be a Godly woman" type of books!

When I last went on a healing week, I thought I knew what God was going to look at - and He went and looked at something totally different . It was very much the right thing to go for, but at the time it was a bit unexpected. So whatever you think God might want to start with, it probably won't be that! I go away on Monday, and I'm just looking forward to spending a week with Him at the moment.

I remember reading a book called "The Jesus I Never Knew" by a chap called Philip Yancey, where he said that the Christian church these days (in the US and UK) is mostly white and middle class and keeps away from those who are more disreputable and in actual need - so unlike Jesus! Our church is planning to do some outreach stuff later this year, so we'll see how we go and what's planned. We've had quite a few new people join us and they've said the reason they chose us was a) because they felt God wanted them with us and b) we made them feel very welcome. So hopefully if we do do outreach we can still make people feel welcome whatever and whoever they are.

This makes it sound like I read a lot of Christian books all the time - well, I suppose I do, but I read lots of other stuff too!

One of the guys at church went to China for three weeks (on holiday, though) last year, and he said it was an amazing country of contrasts - staggering beauty but also real poverty in places. It is a country that's really crying out for Him at the moment, too. What other fun things are you thinking of?

At the moment we're thinking of two children - though Dave keeps saying three! We both agree we'll be happy with what God blesses us with though . It's an amazing thought and also such responsibility. Mind you, I was made angry this morning by news that the government wants to get mothers back to work. I want to stay at home and bring up my own family myself, not pay someone else to do it! What is so wrong with that? It makes me so angry that this government is slowly eroding away the sensible foundations that allow for a solid family . I'm half convinced that all the problems with unruly teens and children are down to parents not taking enough responsibility to discipline their offspring, so how is making all parents work while someone else looks after the children going to help??

Oops, that turned into a bit of a rant . It's something I'm starting to feel quite strongly about, as you can tell .

I'll go and have a look for your thread on Ask and see if I can come up with some ideas .

Take care and chat soon,

Love and God bless ,

Lins