Journal Entries
Hey, I'm The Cool Uncle
Posted Jul 30, 2002
My niece - whom I've never been particularly close too, mostly, probably due to my physical location for the majority of her life, but also could be because her mother thinks I'm a complete twit - was promoted from the 9th grade this spring. While I was told by her mother not to bring a gift to the little celebration being put on in her honor, (and this may be the part that confirms my complete twit-ness in her mother's eyes) I felt I had to bring something. My wife (her aunt) told me she likes to read, "Ah" thought I, "I can get her a book!"
After weeks of thought and agonizing over it, I narrowed it down to two books, "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" or "Catcher in the Rye." This made for a very difficult choice, "Guide" a very funny book about almost nothing that would not, in any discernible way, contribute to her growth as a person. Whereas "Catcher" a great piece of literature which may allow her to see things in a different way and will, in all likelihood, contribute to her development as a human being.
Still unsure which to get her I head to the bookstore. I look at the books, and decide on "Guide". Main reason is, it's a compilation of the five "Guide" books plus "Young Zaphod Plays it Safe", AND it's about 1/2 the price of a hard cover version of "Catcher." (I can be very cheap, which, I assure you, has nothing to do with the twit-level my sister-in-law has unfairly placed on me).
Long story short, she opens the present, jumps up and down for joy, gives me a hug and a *gasp* a kiss on the cheek. "Yeah," I think to myself, "I'm the cool uncle now."
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Latest reply: Jul 30, 2002
The billiance of kids - Part 3
Posted Jul 23, 2002
I think we're doing the right thing. I was hoping against hope we were doing the right thing in the raising of our three kids (Niko-9, Cody-7 and Courtney-3). I have recieved a smidgen of confirmation that we have been doing the right thing.
We were watching TV with the kids couple of nights ago and an advertisement came on for the new Adam Sandler movie "Mr. Deeds." The commercial asked the question "What would you do if you inherited 40 billion dollars?"
First thing Niko said was "If I had 40 billion dollars I'd give it to Uncle Paul so he can pay off Grazies." Now, Uncle Paul is not the nicest person in the world. He's the kind of guy that does things he thinks are funny, but the people he does them to just thinks they're mean. Grazies is the name of his restaurant.
Cody then says "If I had 40 billion dollars and Grandad had to go to the hospital, I'd give it to him so he could pay the hospital bill and get better."
Note, these are the first things they said they'd do with the money. There was no, "I'd by an N-64" or "I'd get a Pokemon Silver for my Gameboy." Not even an "I'd get dad a Harley-Davisdon motorcyle."l No, they would first give the money to other people to help them out.
Yep, I think we are doing the right thing.
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Latest reply: Jul 23, 2002
Crime in Canada Hits All-Time Low :)
Posted Jul 22, 2002
I'm not a Canadian, and I don't play one on TV, but my understanding, based on the radio news story this morning, is that crime in Canada has hit an all-time low. The National Public Radio show "Morning Edition" reported this morning that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) has been spending time in Vancouver, British Columbia posing as window washers to catch people not wearing their seatbelts.
For those of you not familiar with window washers. In the larger cities of North America people - mostly homeless, unemployed or just plain down-on-their-luck - stand at traffic lights on busy streets, then rush out to clean the windshield of your automobile with the expectation that you will pay them for this unsolicited service.
Having RCMP posing as these annoying people just to hand out citations to motorists not wearing their seatbelts leads me to believe they simply have nothing better to do with their time, which leads me to believe crime in Canada has dropped to dangerously low levels.
Low crime means more unemployment for former law enforcement officers. In addition, it can be very bad for the insurance industy. If there is no crime, there is no reason for insurance against crime. This will lead to higher insurance rates for casualty insurance (because we all know the insurance industry will get their money out of you one way or the other).
Well, at least here in the U.S. we won't have to worry about getting crime so dangerously low. Heck, half the crimes commited in the U.S. are commited by the police. With police like that, we don't have anything to worry about stamping out crime, turning police officers into annoying window washers or higher insurance rates for fire, storm and flood damage.
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Latest reply: Jul 22, 2002
The brilliance of kids - Part 2
Posted Jul 17, 2002
This past December my kids, being extraordinarily normal kids, found themselves with an abundance of energy. This caused them to behave in a manner consistent with what I would believe to be a troupe of monkeys – running around the house, jumping on the furniture and just generally being loud, rambunctious nuisances.
That evening, while at the dinner table I mentioned to the little ruffians that, if their attitude and behavior did not change, Santa would not visit our house at Christmas time.
“Yes he will,” says Nikolaus, at 9 he is the oldest of the three.
“Nope, I’m serious, if you don’t behave, he’ll just fly right over this house and not stop at all.” I counter.
Cody, the 7-year-old middle kid, who two years ago emphasized that it was okay if Santa brought him coal for Christmas, because you could burn the coal and keep you warm (this brilliant statement was expressed just two weeks before he took a pair of scissors and cut a patch of hair off the top of his head so close to his scalp there was nothing left to do but shave his head), refused be left out of this conversation.
“Santa has to come to our house dad.” He says.
“Nope,” says I, “He’ll just fly right over and not even look down.”
“Oh yeah?” Cody asks, “then how will he bring me my coal?”
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Latest reply: Jul 17, 2002
The brilliance of kids - Part I
Posted Jun 29, 2002
Several years ago I was taking my children to the mall to see Santa Claus, sit on his lap and tell him what they wanted (but weren't getting) for Christmas.
On the way to the mall I discussed with them the importance of being good at Christmas time because otherwise Santa would bring only coal for their stockings and no presents.
"That's okay dad," my 4 year old boy says; "Because you can burn coal and it can keep you warm."
"But you don't understand," says I; "That means you get no toys."
"Toy are only toys," Cody responded with a non-chalant flip of his hand, "Coal can keep you warm, and I'd rather be warm."
At this time, I am thinking to myself, "My kid is really smart. He's quite possibly the smartest kid in the Universe!"
Two weeks later he took a pair of scissors and cut a patch of hair on top of his head so severely close to the scalp there was nothing left to do but shave his head.
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Latest reply: Jun 29, 2002
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