Journal Entries
Chipmunks
Posted Sep 9, 2002
I have just acquired a new computer. The soundcard has (I cannot believe my good fortune) a hardcoded filter called "Chipmunk".
As children my brother and sister and I had an ancient Philips tape recorder to play with, and used to delight in speeding things up or slowing them down by as much as three octaves (there were four speed settings, from 15/16 ips to 7 1/2 ips). It is good to see that the children of a digital generation stand a chance of having their imaginations captured by similarly inane pursuits.
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Latest reply: Sep 9, 2002
Notting Hill
Posted Sep 2, 2002
A very strange thing happened to me. Yesterday I was watching Notting Hill (mostly for Spike, played by Rhys Ifans, possibly the funniest Welshman I'd seen all week. Well, you know what I mean, anyway) and there's a part where Hugh Grant says to Julia Roberts that meeting her is not like reality at all, but is like a dream. She asks him what happens next in his dream, and he pauses. In that pause, I started thinking about what I'd say if someone asked me such a question.
Hugh Grant says: "well, I'd, er, kiss the girl ..." or some such.
However, I would have said: "well, I'd kiss you and then hand you the pot of jam, which you'd need for the secret it contained. However, I'd also warn you not to eat the jam, as it was deadly poison. I'd be walking away to find you the other charmed objects, and I'd turn as I went and see you put your finger in the jam and taste it. The air would become like treacle and although I could normally run fast enough to prevent you, my feet would lift off the ground and I would be unable to move fast enough to reach you, and you would fall into a coma. I would then be forced to freeze time locally to stop you dying. I would spend the rest of the dream seeking the antidote, which I would have picked up earlier but which would subsequently have disappeared, and would end up asking for its location from a sequence -- possibly a repeating sequence -- of people of near-total imbecility, who would make nonsensical but euphonious statements like 'ah, it is the treasure you seek, oh-yee-kay, without delay'."
...
This fact may explain why I have such trouble with women.
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Latest reply: Sep 2, 2002
Buffer Overrun
Posted Aug 23, 2002
I always seem to end up driving my train of thought through the buffers of reason.
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Latest reply: Aug 23, 2002
Aftermath
Posted Aug 22, 2002
The headache you get from proving the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus one time too many.
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Latest reply: Aug 22, 2002
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Andrew Wyld [kt:'Burning Pestle', kp:'Mutamems, Ideodiversity', Zaph.]
Researcher U196900
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