h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

PCandy -

Thanks for the welcome!

Money is always the problem, isn't it?

If you have any questions on the specifics of the visa process, like the medical, interview etc I will be only too happy to pass on what I know.

JEllen - hi to you too! I shall certainly stop by. Thanks for the invite!

Thank you for that offer, gradient, and I will certainly take you up on it. I haven't got any really specific questions yet, except for worrying that I'll forget something or make a mistake on the application when I submit it and slow things down even more. Do I need an attorney to look it all over first, or to make it look more official? The BCIS web site made it sound like they don't require the assistance of an attorney to consider anything.

Right now my mind is just a big muddle of worry and stress and I can't pin it down to any one question. It's just my nature to assume and prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, that takes away a lot of the good bits about looking forward to a positive outcome.

I also wanted to let you know that JEllen is a good friend of mine I met here on h2, she is a wonderful lady and really interesting to talk with. Not to mention she is one of two people I know who are obsessed with film as I am. I think she may be more so.

Talk to you again soon, and if I don't see you before then, hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Pcandy -

The paperwork looks more intimidating than it actually is. From bitter experience, my wife and I can offer the following advice:

Whatever they have asked you to provide, send the original or a certified copy. They will return all original documents when your end of the application has been processed.

Sign the forms. Even if the directions say that you only need to sign one copy, even if the directions seem to say that you only need to sign one copy. Even if they say that your partner doesn't have to sign it because they are not in the country, overnight it to him and have him sign it. We tripped over this one and got delayed by 30 days or so.

You don't need an attorney. If you can afford one, it's a nice idea to have one look things over to ensure you haven't missed anything but it's not vital.

Take your time over the paperwork. There are way more instructions than there are things to fill out and some of them seem contradictory, but with a little time you can work through them.
If you have any questions, call the BCIS hotline. They can be very helpful.

On the other side, Krispy will need to provide certain things which may prove difficult to get hold of. They are:

Proof of vaccination. He will need to have had an MMR jab. This is not routinely given to boys, so he will need to visit his doctor and arrange this. He also needs the Hep B jab, which has to be spread over three months to be effective -it's a course of three jabs. He needs DPT, or proof that he has had a booster in recent memory. If, like me, he had some or all of these shots as a young child he will probably have to have them again. His GP will be able to issue a "passport" on which he can keep immunization records and he will have to have these with him when he goes to the embassey.

If he is not able to complete his immunizations before his consulate visit he will be able to have them on the day...but they will cost him. If he makes a start now, all should be well.

He also needs to have a Police Report done. This is proof that he does not have a criminal record. He needs to have one for every location he has lived in for the last five years. If he has lived outside the UK in this time he needs to get a police report for that location too. In the UK, this is a Data Protection Act query, costs ten pounds and will be back to him in about 28 days. He will need to take this with him to the consulate when he goes.

The other things he needs are the affadavit of support, which you will need to send on to him, and you will need a notarised letter from your employer stating length of service, permenance of position and salary. You will also need to send a recent bank statement, preferably one showing your wages going in! If you have any other assets, they need proof also. My wife sent a recent notarized tax return also.

If you don't meet the minimum support standards you need a co-sponsor. Parents are acceptable, but anyone else who will agree to be a co-sponsor is good too.

They work really hard to make sure you can get your guy home. The easy part is the consulate interview, which is nice and simple.

Prior to going he will need to pay an admin fee. He can do this atBarclays Bank and they will give him a receipt. He's got to keep this.

Krispy will have to show up at some unearthly hour in the morning for a medical. The doctor they use is near Grosvenor Square, which is where the consulate is. The medical stuff is simple. There is a blood test and a minor physical. One of the medics is a boozy irishman who was very hung over and very helpful, but Krispy can look forward to having his testicles counted amongst other things. There is also a chest x-ray, which he gets to take home with him. The blood test is for VD, among other things, and he will get the results in the afternoon at the consulate.
The medical can take most of the morning, because people are scheduled in blocks of about 20. There's time for camaraderie in the waiting room, but he might also want to take a book. Or two.

When he leaves the doctor's place he goes right to the consulate. He should have his appointment letter handy, and the reciept for the admin fee. They check it at the door. Then he hands in all his paperwork and they will call him up after a while for the first part of the interview, which is simply some confirmatory chat...is he who he says he is and stuff.
The second part of the interview is a little tougher, but not much. He will be asked a couple of simple questions about you, your earnings etc. There were never more than three or four questions asked to anyone in my batch of applicants. He will also get told the results of his blood test. Unless he has Galloping Ebola, at worst they will tell him that he has a health problem and whether he needs to take care of it before he travels. They will also ask when he intends to travel. If all is well, he will be issued the visa right there, get the Immigration paperwork and his chest x-ray, and that's it.
On the day they will also explain to him the limitations of his visa, which he will know by heart by then. The US Consulate staff are friendly, helpful and know that it's a long, dull process. They will try to move things on as quickly as possible.

If there is anything amiss with the paperwork it will be returned to you with a letter of explanation. You will have 30 days to correct whatever went wrong and return it. There is a case tracking feature on the website, but it's not terribly informative. Krispy will find that any time he tries to call the consulate he gets routed to a machine or a premium rate number that costs a fortune. General queries are best left until you have something specific to ask...and even then H2G2 is probably the best place to go. I'm assuming he's going in on a K1 visa, and there's an Edited Guide entry on that somewhere...if I find the link I'll post it.

To sum up...don't worry. If you're above the poverty line and have a sympathetic family, and he's not a terrorist or convicted criminal, you have no problems ahead. It just takes time...but it's worth the wait!

mark

Thank you so much for all of that information, it's very thorough and will be most helpful. I've printed it for myself, and Krispy has printed it for himself as well. We can't thank you enough!

I'll be sure to send the certified copies of my vital stats. The customer service rep at BCIS told me to send photocopies, but it's worth the extra dollars to me to get it right the first time, if possible. Even if they didn't return them, it's only $75 or so and a day off work to replace them before we apply for the marriage license. Worse things have happened. I believe my copy of Krispy's birth certificate is a photocopy. Should I ask him to send me a certified copy of his as well?

We've also got photocopies of our passport pictures and all of the visa stamps from when we have visited each other. I have a photograph of us together I'm sending, and printouts of six months' worth of long distance phone bills. Should I enclose any email printouts or anything like that? Is there anything else I need to include besides that stuff, our vital stats, my completed application, and the quadruplicate copies of both of our Biographical Information sheets (we've prepared four originals apiece, no faxsimiles or anything)?

As far as the Affadavit of Support goes... I send that to the American Consulate in London when Krispy is getting things ready for his interview, and not to the BCIS, right? I want to make sure I understood that correctly.

As far as I can tell, once Krispy gets some immigration photos sent to me and I get mine done, we're all set. Unless I need him to send his original birth certificate, which it's not too late to have sent with the photos.

Now my biggest concern is praying that the process moves quickly and that I can get a handle on the finances in the meantime. I could always pick up an additional part-time job until Krispy can find work here, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Thank you again for all of your help. You've given me some really valuable information, and helped to alleviate a lot of my worry. I don't know how I'll ever repay your for your kindness.

Hiya again Psychocandy and everyone else! Here I just want to say something about medication.

First of all the decision to use medication should be between you and your doctor ... it's not up to any friend of yours ... you could of course pay attention to suggestions from friends, and you could ask your friend, 'why do you think I need this sort of medication?' and you could use the answer to decide for yourself whether to use drugs or not.

I've seen you up, and I've seen you down, but it hasn't looked to me as if these ups and downs go beyond ordinary ups-and-downs. I've seen people who were bipolar to the point where it was disabling them. You only need to consider using medication if certain symptoms are seriously interfering with your day-to-day functioning, and/or your happiness.

As to your concern about drugs making you a different person ... and also touching on what you said about alcohol ... remember alcohol is also a mind-altering drug. Are you still the same person when you're a little bit drunk? Are you still the same person when you're *very* drunk? In my own case ... I found that alcohol doesn't change my basic personality, no matter how drunk I got ... it only interfered with my functioning, the same way that being very sleepy interferes with my functioning, but I'm still the same sort of person. In my own case I've stopped drinking alcohol completely because it precipitated and exacerbated schizophrenic psychosis, so I had a very clear and very strong reason for stopping. Right now even the smell of alcohol is a 'trigger' for a PTS response. In your own case, you have to find out for yourself. You could do various tests to see if there's any alcohol dependency.

But getting from alcohol to psychiatric drugs. I didn't ever really have a choice with those ... I *had* to take them. The first drugs I used really, really interfered with my functioning. On them, I was like a zombie, barely conscious. They caused really unpleasant physical sensations as well. That's why I eventually stopped taking them. When off the drugs, I became very, very lucid, it was as if my mind was suddenly working at a much higher level ... but that, also, was the danger. My mind became like a feed-back loop operating at a furious pace, feeding back its own processings into itself and I tended to become extremely delusional ... this eventually led to a crisis point, I attempted suicide again, and had to go back to the mental hospital and get new medication. But this new medication is very much different from the old. It doesn't interfere so much with my thoughts ... I would say, the best thing it does is to help me get to sleep in the evenings so that I sleep at least eight sound hours every night. That is actually a wonderful thing for me. When I was drug-free my mind was working at such a level that it was frying out its own circuits. I frequently went for days and nights without sleeping. Merely by shutting me down every evening, these drugs are helping preserve the balance.

So anyways, psychiatric drugs can do various things to help you be more balanced. Some drugs could cause serious problems, as the first drugs I used did ... others can be much less problematical ... but the decision to use them should still be taken between you and your doctor.

Thanks, Willem. I have taken antidepressant and antipsychotic drugs before, as well as Ritalin and some other stuff I probably shouldn't have been. Most of the antidepressants made me very numb inside and while I didn't experience the lows as much, I also didn't get the "ups", either. One med I took actually gave me blackouts as well as causing major weight gain. The only one that really seemed to work well was Serzone, and that's either been pulled from the market here in the States or will be. It has been shown to cause serious liver damage. I don't need any help with that.

As far as drinking goes, I can appreciate not drinking while on meds (I didn't), or if it causes serious psychological effects. Generally speaking, when I've had a few- I rarely allow myself to get totally annhiliated, I don't like feeling out of control- the only real "change" is that I become more relaxed and more loquacious. It does make me sleepy, which isn't all that bad, because I do have problems with insomnia sometimes. Shutting down for the night so you can function the next day can be a good thing!

I think that the people who have suggested I might talk with my doctor about taking meds feel that I'm too wound up and high-strung. Sometimes I probably am. But I don't think my moods fluctuate to the point where they render me unable to function in thw ways I need to. Sometimes, my hyperactivity is the only thing that keeps me going! I do get burned out frequently, but isn't that kind of normal? Stress can wear anyone down, even the most stable of people.

That said, I must tell you how happy I am that you are doing well with the meds you're on now, Willem. Especially if it means you're sleeping every night and feeling more balanced, instead of frying your brain. I can't imagine furious pace at which your mind was working, but I can relate to having your mind run like a hamster in a wheel. Being lucid is one thing, but being overly stimulated will really grind you down.

Thanks again for sharing. Hearing other people's experiences helps me to get a handle on my concerns about these things, so I know what I need to tell my doctor. I wish I could afford to see him more often.

Hey something just struck me again ... there isn't really such a thing as 'perfection'. There are no perfect people ... there's no such thing as perfect mental health either. It's perfectly fine to have ups and downs and to be unhappy sometimes. In fact I think there may be a huge problem with trying to stay perfectly happy all of the time! For me at least a part of 'good mental health' is to accept that I have certain 'failings' and always will. Within that context, however, I try to be and do as best as I can.

There are no perfect societies, either. Your society - and mine - do not allow us optimal access to the wonders of medical science. Sometimes our societies become totally crackers.

Anyways another thing I just want to add ... there is a special sort of thing I use to elevate my mood that works fantastic - and it's quite safe and legal - it's called music!

Oh, eys, music! That always elevates my mood as well, even if it's quiet or melancholy music. I certainly have enough of it!

That's a good point, about there being no such things as "perfect" mental health, either. To be honest, I don't think I would want to be happy all the time. The occasional lows help you appreciate the highs all the more. Part of being balanced would include feeling sad or angry sometimes!

Speaking of being angry sometimes, that's what I have the biggest problem with. I don't feel like I have a right to be angry- when I was young, if I got angry, I was punished. So instead of reacting in a perfectly healthy way, there's a tendency to feel something else that is "acceptable", like being sad or hurt or depressed. You know what I mean?

I always try to do the best I can. Hopefully, someday, I'll learn that the best I can do *isn't* perfection, and quit trying to be perfect!

Society is definitely crackers. Sometimes I think those of us who are self-aware and admit to being down sometimes are better off than people who seem "normal" all the time.

PCandy -

after a spot of consultation with my wife, who has these details engraved on her memory,

Original personal docs OR certified copies. They delayed our application with a request for originals. We got the same advice as you did: it's incorrect.

Birth certificate copy is probably fine - the original has to go with him to the consulate.

Evidence of meetings: there's probably no such thing as too much, although these don't need to be originals and will be more useful to have when he gets stateside and has to face the INS here. Does the K1 require a follow-up change of status to resident alien? If so, keep collecting evidence!

When he gets stateside, you both need to visit friends and go to parties and stuff. This is so you can have witness statements confirming that you have been seen together as a couple. Sounds paranoid, but it's worth doing because it will help the process along.

Krispy will need 4 three quarter face photgraphs, of himself, to take to the consulate. Tese are Visa photos, NOT passport photos, and should be prepared no more than 30 days in advance. The consulate letter he will get will have details of four places in London where he can get them taken, but I had mine done at a local photo-processing place. I had to specify VISA pics. It cost more, because they are a different size and so forth.

The Affadavit of Support should go to him, so he can take the original with him to the consulate. The rules may be different for the K1, but everyone else I interviewed with did the same. Check with BCIS, but if all else fails then send him a certified copy of the form and evidence too. Belt and braces approach can't hurt any.

Your application for the K1 is simply to approve Krispy to apply for the K1 in London. He's the one who will have to provide evidence on the day.

I think that's everything!

Thank you! As far as my birth certificate goes, I'll send the BCIS the original certified copy to be safe, and get another for Krispy to take with to the consulate.

We will make sure to be seen in plenty of places. Maybe I can even have him stop by or frequently phone me at work- they record the calls. I have a few friends here, and my grandma and uncle, who will see a lot of him and could back us up. The K-1 definitely requires change of status after we get married. He will get a shiny fiance visa from the consulate, then we have 90 days to get married. I figured we'll have a legal ceremony performed ASAP, and a "real" wedding later, when we can afford one. I'll keep saving copies of the phone bills and any subsequent visits, etc. Hadn't thought of that!

We each need four of the immigration photos to submit with my application, I'll remind him he needs four more at his end. Thanks!

Meanwhile, I will continue to prepare the affadavit of support, I have copies of five years' worth of tax returns, a letter (notarized) from my human resource manager, and bank statements to back up my financial and employment status. Better too much than not enough, I think. If I were to look for another job which pays better, how should I handle that?

Do I need to have these forms notarized before I send them? What about our letters of intent?

Thanks for all the help. I'm eternally indebted to you.

PS- we *can* talk about other stuff, too, if you like. I'm grateful to you for all of your advice, but I'm not that one-dimensional.

I'm not either, but I have this terrible tendency to pursue a single issue to a conclusion.

Notarize EVERYTHING! We found that anything and everything we sent needed to be the real document or a notarized copy.

My wife and I are happy to provide whatever help we can. We're still in the midst of my change of status and application for permission to work, so we're not done with INS for another 2 years minimum. We should do a "How to import a Brit" guide entry, or something.
The thing is, we're really really happy. It's always good to spread that around a little.

If you can survive this, you and Krispy can hack anything that life might throw at you.

On another note entirely...we went to see the Grand Canyon this weekend.

Been?

I've probably said some of this before but if any of it helps it will be worthwhile.
I cannot answer a lot of your questions but can identify with some of them. Feeling your best isn't good enough and the fear of getting fired are very familiar. It has got easier as I get older and with the support of my beloved. I still wonder when I'll be found out as 'not good enough'(this I believe is the root cause for me) but realisticly I never have been sacked.
I self medicate with cigarrettes and alcohol but keep a careful check on these as I am aware of health risks, but in my case sometimes the benefits temporarily outweigh the risks.
My recent helper was a precription for high-dose St John's Wort. My GP prescribes it and I only take it when I feel I'm about to go down in a big way. It certainly elevates my mood whilst I'm taking it.
I am also loathed to take medication but the right medication really can help.
The last advice I have is to eat and sleep well, exercise and talk about it. I feel a lot better after off-loading once in a while.

Gradient.. okey dokey, I will get everything notarized and ask Krispy to do likewise! You're such a big help! I think a "How to Import a Brit" thread would be brilliant! And I know that once he's here (and he will be by year's end, I won't stand for anything less) it will all be worth it and a great story for the kids one day. I'm glad you got here all right, and am very happy for you and your wife, not just because it means you're here to advise me!

Meg... I've been sackd from jobs before, but oddly enough never for not doing my best, always for "personality conflict" (i.e., getting fed up with kissing a** and then snapping one day). It's relationships I worry about most. My friends, the real ones, it seems just when I finally let go and learn to trust someone, they disappear on me. That really hurts, and it knocks me back quite a bit.

I self-medicate too much. I've had a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of wine since I got home, and I only feel a bit better. But now I feel guilty, 'cause everyone thinks I'm a drunk.

I will try to sleep better and get more exercise. I will also try hard to keep talking about it. It's vry hard, but very cathartic. Sometimes I post here and no-one answers, and I over-react and feel unloved and ignored. That and this overtime thing going on at work make me feel so small and insignificant and worthless sometimes.

If I don't reply be assured it is because I am busy at work. If someone has to go to hospital things get busy and I have no time to read a weeks worth of postings. I do keep a special look out for yours though.
As far as friends go I don't keep many close friends but have many aquaintances. My close friends are those I've known for a long time but communicate with only a couple of times per year (Except for beloved of course). This suits me as there is very little risk of being hurt. I now realise that the end of friendships does not reflect on how good that relationship was, just that it ran it's natural course.

Don't feel worthless.
Don't feel insignificant.

You, me, everyone...is a miracle. The chances of you, as you are right now, just existing are so vastly remote that the fact of your existence qualifies as a miracle.

Remember what you are.
"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter"
- Yoda
The little green bloke was right. We are a mass of walking chemicals, it's true, but those chemicals were created in the deaths of the very stars themselves. We carry their legacy. How can anything we do be small?

Hello Gradient. How true. It's easy to forget the miracle of our existence. I'm a midwife and at every birth I witness the beauty of creation.

Thank you, Meg, for keeping a special eye on me. that feels so good to know that! No worries when you disappear, you're at work after all!


Thank you both of you, Gradient and Meg. I don't think I'm much of a miracle, more a stroke of sheer dumb luck. But the little green guy was pretty darned smart, so maybe he knew a thing or two. I'll work on adjusting that attitude as well.

It's hard, coming from my background, to feel like anything special. But you guys make me feel like I am, and I really appreciate it. I hope I make you feel special, too, cause I think you both are, a lot!

Ooooo, Gradient, your post gave me the shivers. That's good stuff! Love the idea we were once part of stars.

PCandy, if you ever don't get a reply from me, you know you can call me. You have my number, right? (But I know you are on a tight budget)

JEllen