h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Did you buy matching curtains?

Are you alright, we haven't heard from you for a while!

aahh.. we've been away for a few days .. weeks actually and what nice weather it was

Awww that's nice. Did you enjoy it?

absolutely! nothing to worry about besides where will I buy the next food, how will I prepare the next meal, how will I manage to get the young dinos clean, how will I persuade the big dino to get himself clean, and ..


but summarising: yes, could I have some more please?

Where did you go? It sounds like you went caravaning!

tent.. central Europe: from halfway in France towards Southern Austria .. across the Alps west to east it was .. fair weather with an occasional thunderstorm
It was rather though on the yound dinos .. they're exhausted, slept at least until 830 am this morning!

It sounds very romantic. Did you get much time to relax?

she did .. I didn't

what!! And this remark was made by the dinosaur who slept almost day and night?

Oh well I'm glad one of you enjoyed, shame I don't know which one of you did

You see I've developed this theory that men have an inbuilt compass in their head (well they've got plenty space for it) that can find the direction of the nearest pub where ever they happened to be. It also requires a lot of energy and recharge time to operate this compass.

well, Bob probably would kill for such a compass but to be fully honest he manages to lose his way at any time and any place.

mm.. such a compass would not mean they can find the way back home as well? could the recharge time be anything in the order of .. months??

Oh well maybe it's just my boyfrind then...

We could be in plane crash in the middle of the Sahara and within a matter of minutes he would say "Pub...864 miles south in Ghana. If we're quick we might get there before last orders next Thursday".

I think with alcohol the compass spins around uncontrolably.

brilliant ! Bob probably will practice to get at that stage His standard text "Columbus didn't ask directions and neither will I". He didn't get lost that far really.. until now..

But then again Columbus was trying to get to China.

I would say that my boyfriend is pretty good at finding where we're going, it's getting him to go there not via the scenic route which is the hard part.

He says 'what does that sat nav know? one, the satellites are a 120 miles away, that's not on the field, they don't know the lay of the land and secondly, the sat nav system is American. If most Americans think Spain is Africa, they're not going to know where Keswick is!'

I made that mistake once.. explain that Columbus ended up in America and not in China which is a difference of roughly 20000 km. He got so annoyed by that, he missed the highway exit and we .. well.. you get the picture .. my fault, all my fault

Timing is another thing.. moaning and complaining that I need to do .. several things before leaving, and when I finally am ready to leave Bob usually has to search for his driving license, wallet, chewing gum (don't ask), lock the door, open the door and get car keys, shout at the excited young dinos, ... well.. you get the picture ..

at these moments I found it is very important to stand motionless, expressionless..

Yeah my boyfriend is the same. A taxi would arrive to take us the airport and I would say are we ready to go and he would say "Yes...oh wait hang on I've got to pack my suitcase".

and the worst of it all is that he probably does that in half a minute.. forgetting half, but still packed a suitcase.. I know .. I know ..

Oh yes he just arm swipes the desk and he's ready to go. He may forget clothes but at least he brings a barometre and a stapler. Just in case we need to know what the temperature is or have to attach bits of paper to each other.

yes, don't bother explaining .. I recognise it all and of course bring four shirts for a week holiday, six socks (three pairs), and four bottle openers .. no comb of course.. yes..yes.. worst is that all these high values and standards are tought to the young male dinos as well...