h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

My, Moshe, too lackadaisical to input the vowels into my name? Your typing, it hurts me! It hurts me like llama spit! But in all seriousness, this is my lovely nickname on BBC, so now you can quit pestering me to write to you.

As for your post, we all know that I fall into the latter half of the description of intelligence. ^_^ I can live with that, though. Being "gifted" with insanity has its perks as well.

-Me

Hey. How is "LA"? I love it down here. Beautiful. And you're not here.
Have a good rest of vacation. I'm well, so tell all.

Down here? Where'd you get to go?! We all know that I'm stuck in Tampa ^_^ but right now, it's snowing. Seriously!
Anyway, I miss you guys! Alex is in Detroit and I can't talk to him, and your email is on life-support (or something), and all I have left to talk to is Sarah. I MISS YOU GUYS!

I'm near Tampa.
Actually, Orlando. It's great here!!!
I'm going to my cousins' school tomorrow, and I get to meet their friends. Enjoy Tampa and "LA". Later.

Alright, I get the Tampa reference, but you've lost me on where LA is. Yes, I'm having a stupid moment. (Forgive me, I've picked it up off of Sarah!) Am I just dumb again?
Hey! Funny story that can't wait until Monday! For Easter, Mom made some rolls, but she killed the yeast. So... it was kind of like matza. Only worse. It didn't come in the convenient unsalted saltine cracker form. Just thought I'd share that with you.
Sounds like your spring break has been decidedly more fun than mine. What have I done?... Nothing worthwhile. I went all the way to... BARBERTON! Oh, yeah! That's about as far away from here that I got. No, wait. I went to Stan Hywet last Saturday (the thirteith). I got a pretty tulip. It's yellow and I named it Bob the Incredible Sea Urchin. Not seriously. Yesterday, I wrote a poem. It rhymes! I think that's a first for me. Also, I watched the Holy Grail, and I realized that all my favorite scenes consist of the entire movie.
Hey, are you still actually reading this? Or did you just skip to the last paragraph so you could pretend you read the message. That's what I would've done if I saw this much boring text. Well, here's hoping your break has been better than mine.

Yes, LA. Lower Akron!!! Come on, KT. Yes, I read all of your message. It wasn't that long. You'll have to let me read that poem some time. Has Sarah been bugging you this week?
So, how's Bob doing? Good, I hope. Not wilted yet? My Aunt Dee says hi. I see you're on-line now , and you just wrote to me about ten minutes ago. Maybe I shall hear from you again before I get off the system.
Oh!!! There was supposed to be a shuttle launch today, and you can watch from my cousin's house (in a BEAUTIFUL little town), but it was cancled due to some leak. I have gotten four new magic tricks this week!!! You'll have to see them some time. Well, till later.
Buy my hand,
ME

LA. Ha. I get it.

Hey, you're not allowed to keep llama spit! Thief!!!! (I'm hurt. Oh, wait, no I'm not. That's just a splinter in my foot).

I will quit replying to myself in a moment here. I forgot one thing:
Hi Aunt Dee!

Sorry so long. I'll be home in less than 12 hours. See you then.

I just read this, and I thought of you!
"Sorry about my English, I'm from the USA."
We need to change the name of the language in the States. It pretty much isn't correct anymore. Especially with the overwhelming use of dropping the -ly on adverbs. Well, I suppose we still have hope left since we don't all speak Ebonics, no?

Very well stated. I think that the USA needs to change the name of it's official language to American, or Engl-ish.

Oh, the ebonics thing. Very good.

I've been wondering, and since I keep forgetting to ask, what does the phrase "kosher for passover" mean? Does that mean the rest of the year it is traef? (Is that even how you spell traef?) Or is it just that some kosher foods become traef, like yeast? See, I told you I have no clue, so do you care to clarify this?
And while I'm thinking of it:
http://www.mcphee.com/products/top12/10746.html
(*Gasp! It made that a link for me!!!!!!* [See the six exclaimation points for overzealous exaggeration.])
Not quite like Dogma, but we can pretend.

You got in on the second guess. I'll have to go to that site (as soon as I have the time).
Just had to write to you.