h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hiya, HDS tells me that you wanted to sell something to me.

so, *rubs hands together, eyes glittering with expectation* what is it?

Dragonite, one of the worlds most sought after minerals, you can use it to build your own ships or sell it on for a profit, let me know your decision ASAP, nice to be working with you again

uh, sure, whatever, how much do you want for it?

Hmm $100,000,000 altarian and the pick of your new weponry and shields

well, we've got improved dovin basals, and I can swipe some Imperial or Mon Calimari shields (those are the very best, but difficult to steal), but it will take a job to do it, the money's no problem, and I don't know what sort of weapons you would want so I'll name some off right now:

Turbo Lasers (Imperial) shoot 200 megaton shots of directed energy
Ion Cannons (Imperial) shoots a bolt of energy that disables the enemy instead of destroying them
Seismic Mines (Imperial) releases a powerful wave of energy in a disk that shatters all matter in its way into dust sized particles
Cuncussion Missiles (Imperial) powerful missiles that use waves of cuncussive force to shatter the target by focusing all 3 types of earth quake waves into it
Proton Torpedoes (Imperial) powerful long range missiles that use proton scattering warheads to tear its target to its component atoms
Ion Accelerators (Centauri) very powerful short range plasma cannons that fire quikly and accurately
Moleclear Cutters (Shadows) powerful weapons which no armor other that of the Vorlons can handle
Lightening Guns (Vorlon) powerful weapons which fire a matter scattering beam of energy
Anti-Matter Discharge Cannon (Vree) powerful anti-matter system that can kill most craft at close range

or any weapons you choose to name

I'll take the Ion Cannons, Seismic Mines, CONcussive Mines (please get the spelling right or it could get very embarrasing ) and Lightning Guns,

Thank you my sweet

righty oh, still want the shields?

Yes please

I love my job

well, we've got the weapons, but the shields will take some time, and they are rather large.

*a large blimpshaped ship desends out of the atmosphere and a hatch irises open on its ventral surfaces. The dovin basals near by grab hold of the cargo inside with gravity and gently lower them behind Reefgirl. There is a large pallet full of ion cannon barrels (30), then a large pallet full of ion generators, and another of the rotational and elevational equipment.*

There's the ion cannons, you'll have to assemble and armor them yourselves, otherwise they would each would be the size of a two story house, those are powerful, tear through shields and energy absorbing/reflecting armor like an axe through butter

*Next the ship lowers several pallets full of concusion missile replicators and then a pallet full of addapters to facilitate energy transferrence from non-imperial power systems to the replicators*

There's enough for 4 batteries there (that's 18 missile tubes per battery) and all the power transference systems you'll need, they use generic magnetic tubes so there's no specific size needed, as long as your pressent missile tubes are wider than 15 centimeters

*next the ship lowers a pallet with 6 mine generators on them, and a pallet full of more power converters*

there's your mines, use those sparingly, mind you if you set the detonars at too close a range you'll split your own ship in two, they have proximity settings too, if you preferr, but again, faster foes can make those as dangerous to you as to them

*lastly, the ship lowers a small crate. This being done it closes its cargo hatch and departs orbit*

And there's the lightening gun

*Shedao Shai walks over to the crate and pries he lid off with his amphi-staff's sharp end, then yanks some of the packing straw out, sitting in a little cardboard box on one side of the crate is a large, ovul shaped seed of distint yellow/green/black color, on the other side is a little black disk shaped seed*

you put that little black seed on your ship's hull, and it will grow in and ancor the lightening gun, as well as tap the power system, you put the yellowish one on top of it, and it will grow into the lightening gun, few ships can withstand one sustained lightening beam, two good shots will de-shield an imperial battleship, four for a mon cal ship, then another two for the imperial and another three for the mon cal (to get through the armor and kill it). otherwise point it at what needs to die, and it will on the first shot

Thanks Shedao now point me in the direction of your war

you will find the co-ords at the Mercenary discussion. I forgot to mention there that your fee is readily available

I've got it and I'm there and you can pay me daily into my Swiss Bank account, no make that the one in Monaco

*Shedao motions an underling forward, he hands him a peice of paper containing the account info and the amount, the underling bows and scurries away*

its done

Thank you, now is there anything else I can do for you

not as yet no, but there is one more thing I must do for you...

*A massive blimpish ship drops from orbit, and slung under it, in the tight embrace of many tenticles is one large deflector shield dome.*

You have your Mon Cal shield generator, that there is ussualy used to protect a 1200 meter long ship, so, it should do even better for yours, having less area to cover

That's not quite what I meant but thank you anyway

I was just finishing the payment

ok thank you, anything else?