h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...Aha...
My...Dear...Ms...Saturnine... * he writes with a flourish *
...Ahem...
Allow me to in-tro-duce myself. I am the Speak-Your-Weight-Machine.
Since the demise of the albatross, it has been my occasional and arduous duty to communicate on behalf of one Pinniped, Scrofulous Little Oik of This Parish.
I am given to understand that you have recently suffered the misfortune of exposure to the opinions of my employer. As with all the others who have trodden this depressing road before you, be assured that you have my utmost sympathy.
Would you permit me the indulgence of recounting my reminiscences? So kind...
At the time of Pinniped's arrival in hootoo, I think it would be fair to say that he was an objectionable and opinionated hot-head who held unacceptable views on just about every subject one could imagine. However, after being pilloried (not to mention intellectually dwarfed) by almost every Researcher he has confronted in the meantime, I am pleased to say that Pinniped's public prejudices have been ameliorated somewhat.
Ahem.
The following is a list of the things that Pinniped still dares to say in general conversation :
- Under most circumstances, bear-baiting might be considered to be a slightly unnatural pastime. People of a gentle persuasion can, on the whole, be forgiven for thinking it a little cruel.
- On the whole, and nothwithstanding the remarkable efficiencies that he engendered throughout the German economy, Hitler could be said to have been a fairly bad person. Probably.
- Pigs cannot fly, at least not very well; few people actually enjoy paying taxes and Celebrity Big Brother is not a very good television program.
- People who read the Daily Mail are irredeemable morons who are fair game for all the scalding vitriol the rest of us pour over them.
Ahem. I think what Pinniped is getting at, ma'am, is that your adherence (and apparent preparedness to defend) this particular rag does not sit especially easily alongside your...ahem...provocative and piquant opinions on just about everything else.
Most Dutifully Yours,
SYWM
(...and, since you might well ask, I take the Telegraph myself...)

...Oh, yes. Almost forgot. The repugnant creature exhorted me to "tell her I like her stuff". Oh dear. I beseech you, ma'am, try to find it within yourself to forgive him...

...What now, Pinniped? Smileys? You know very well I don't do Smileys. Oh, very well then, just one. That one? Well, really...

Eh?

What?



And in English?

...Ahem...Pinniped? I don't think we're getting across here...

Yeah, OK. That's cool.

...but...she thinks this place is a...a...CHATROOM!...

Yeah. That's cool too. Room for everyone, Speak.

...Pinniped - nobody can possibly say anything worthwhile at 300 posts a day...

If you say so, Speak. Just lighten up, yeah?

* two tons of Elephant Seal seethes silently *

Hiya
Pin (the real one) here.
Don't worry about the SYWM. He's gone now.
He can't get back in as long as I'm logged in. Anyway, he soon loses interest.
It does all mean something though, kind of, should you ever feel like looking it up.
See you around

What? What the heck are you on about?

Maybe we'd better just leave it, yeah?
Till then,
Pin
* waddles off, humming *

Surely you were tryng to make a point? Yes?

Not really, no. I just like writing, and letting various characters (these are some of them) wander around h2g2 in a kind of RP.
The letter came to me because I noticed you speaking up for the Mail in several places. That's cool, but it intrigued me because it's a very tough argument to carry in this company, and because it's seemingly out-of-character with other views that you express.
I posted here to make it one-on-one, and to see if you were up for some verbal sparring. Putting it in one of the Convos concerned would have been off-subject and unfair - trying to look clever at someone else's expense in front of an audience. That doesn't do, of course. Hope you don't mind the intrusion, that's all.

I guess the SYWM was a little cutting about chatrooms, but he thinks that way. On the plus side, Pinniped means it about "room for all". He thinks that way.

So, you should make up your own mind about whether there's a point. But don't take any offence, right? This place is cool. Not many people have made such a mark so quickly as you. That's cool too.

See you around, yeah? Friends from now on, I hope.
Pin

Ah. I understand. I haven't really *spoken up* for the Mail though. At least not yet. I'm just saying that I read the Mail, and I'm not a facist bigot. I could go on to say how I don't see the point in reading a paper whose views all correspond to mine, as that's not a healthy method of challenging your brain. Also that I am not PC and a person that so easily falls into boxes that other people define. And on and on...

Friends? Of course! I leave my politics in the thread (as with my beliefs on religion!)

Very nice to meet you. I believe I understand what is going on now...

Here's another slant : A893865

Bet you could do these. Up for a badge?
Pin

Very funny. I'll take a proper look in the morning.