h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, your bark is worse than your bite, you should leaf it alone! I thought you could cedar point! What did ya do that fir?

(I've got a million....stop me now!)

Ok. Change of subject.



What next...

Um.

I just got a five minute warning from the floor director. I'll log off now and check my email again. Talk tomorrow.



C

One of my absolute favourites, from 1967!!!

Younger Generation   (John Sebastian)



Why must every generation think their folks are square
And no matter where their heads are they know mom´s ain´t there
Cause I swore when I was small that I´d remember when
I knew what´s wrong with them that I was smaller then



Determined to remember all the cardinal rules
Like sun showers are legal grounds for cutting school
I know I have forgotten maybe one or two
And I hope that I recall them all before the baby´s due
And I knoe he´ll have a question or two



Like "hey Pop, can I go ride my zoom
It goes two hundred miles an hour suspended by balloons
And can I put a droplet of this new stuff on my tongue
And imagine frothing dragons while you sit and wreck your lungs"
And I must be permissive, understanding of the younger generation



Then I´ll know that all I´ve learned my kid assumes
And all my deepest worries must be his cartoons
And still I´ll try to them him all the things I´ve done
Related to what he can do when he becomes a man
And still he´ll stick his fingers in the fan



And "Hey, Pop, my girlfriend´s only three
She´s got her own videophone and she´s taking L.S.D.
And now that we´re best friends she wants to give a bit to me
But what´s the matter Daddy, how come you´re turning green?
Can it be that you can´t live up to your dream?"

Aha. What's the deep psychological meaning to this posting then?

Just stuck in my head. No particular meaning. Although I could relate once, but then that was when the Dead Sea was merely sick!

Oh enough with the bad jokes about your age.

Fine, then, I will make bad jokes about your age.

*plots revenge*

Spirit of the West (a Vancouver band I particularly like):

*If Venice Is Sinking*

Jesus hangs behind the glass
Above venitian doors
His window box boasts crimson flowers
Fresh cut the day before

And you couldn't find a smile
If you nailed it to his face
But Jesus Christ hangs his head with grace

And if Venice is sinking
I'm going under
'Cause beauty's religion
And its Christened me with wonder

They come in bent-backed
Creeping 'cross the floor all dressed in black
Candles, thick as pillars
You can buy one off the floor
And the ceiling's painted gold
Mary's hair is red
The old come here to kiss their dead

And if Venice is sinking
I'm going under
'Cause beauty's religion
And its Christened me with wonder

We made love upon a bed
That sagged down to the floor
In a room that had a postcard on the door
Of Marini's Little Man
With an erection on a horse
It always leaves me laughing
Leaves me feeling that of course if

Venice is sinking
I'm going under
'Cause beauty's religion
And its Christened me with wonder

(repeat chorus)

And another of theirs that I think of when I walk past the Army, Navy, Airforce Veterans club four doors down from my home. I see the electric scooter chairs lined up outside and now and then filled with old men who have stories that no one wants to hear;

i'm a part of the furniture, this boozer's my home
i've been here forever, this barstool's my throne
i'm drinking short whiskeys with a half pint of stout
i smoke senior service or one of yours when i'm out
and i'm always out
the women say i'm foul, the men say i'm harmless
i'm the source of entertainment and conversation tireless
the vicar gives me sermons, the young ones give me cheek
you can read all about me in the bogs on high street
on high street
these may seem like wasted years
ah, but the stories i could tell
when these shoulders were broad and strong
and i served my country well
i'm not a picture of perfect health
but i'm feeling no pain today
so you can fill my glass again
and i'll grow old my own way
i've woke up near the barley fields
like a sack on the side of the road
with a belly full of drink,
and a chill running through my bones
if i dropped dead tomorrow,
you'd hear the righteous say
that iw as not a christian man,
and i pissed my life away
that's what they'd say
-repeat first verse-
-chorus-

Harry Chapin

It was an early morning bar room,
And the place just opened up.
And the little man come in so fast and
Started at his cup.
And the broad who served the whisky
She was a big old friendly girl.
And she tried to fight her empty nights
By smilin' at the world.

And she said "Hey Bub, It's been awhile
Since you been around.
Where the hell you been hidin' ?
And why you look so down ?"

But the little man just sat there like he'd never heard a sound.

The waitress she gave out with a cough,
And acting not the least put off,
She spoke once again.

She said, "I don't want to bother you,
Consider it's understood.
I know I'm not no beauty queen,
But I sure can listen good."

And the little man took his drink in his hand
And he raised it to his lips.
He took a couple of sips.
And he told the waitress this story.

"I am the midnight watchman down at Miller's Tool and Die.
And I watch the metal rusting, and I watch the time go by.
A week ago at the diner I stopped to get a bite.
And this here lovely lady she sat two seats from my right.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was alright.

"Oh she was so damned beautiful that she'd warm a winter's frost.
But she was long past lonely, and well nigh unto lost.
Now I'm not much of a mover, or a pick-em-up easy guy,
But I decided to glide on over, and give her one good try.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was worth a try.

"Tongued-tied like a school boy, I stammered out some words.
But it did not really matter much, 'cause I don't think she heard.
She just looked clear on through me to a space back in my head.
And it shamed me into silence, as quietly she said,
'If you want me to come with you, then that's all right with me.
Cause I know I'm going nowhere, and anywhere's a better place to be.
Anywhere's a better place to be.'

"I drove her to my boarding house, and I took her up to my room.
And I went to turn on the only light to brighten up the gloom.
But she said, 'Please leave the light off, Oh I don't mind the dark.'
And as her clothes all tumbled 'round her, I could hear my heart.
The moonlight shown upon her as she lay back in my bed.
It was the kind of scene I only had imagined in my head.
I just could not believe it, to think that she was real.
And as I tried to tell her she said 'Shhh.. I know just how you feel.
And if you want to come here with me, then that's all right with me.
'Cause I've been oh so lonely, lovin' someone is a better way to be.
anywhere's a better way to be.'

"The morning come so swiftly but I held her in my arms.
But she slept like a baby, snug and safe from harm.
I did not want to share her with the world or break the mood,
So before she woke I went out and brought us both some food.

"I came back with my paper bag, to find out she was gone.
She'd left a six word letter saying 'It's time that I moved on.'"

The waitress took a bar rag, and she wiped it across her eyes.
And as she spoke her voice came out as something like a sigh.
She said "I wish that I was beautiful, or that you were halfway blind.
And I wish I weren't so dog-gone fat, I wish that you were mine.
And I wish that you'd come with me, when I leave for home.
For we both know all about loneliness, and livin' all alone."

And the little man,
Looked at the empty glass in his hand.
And he smiled a crooked grin,
He said, " I guess I'm out of gin.
And know we both have been so lonely.
And if you want me to come with you, then that's all right with me.
'Cause I know I'm goin' nowhere and anywhere's a better place to be."