h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah Dudley. Me first, you later. How?

"Pinniped draws himself up to his full forty-two inches, wearing an expression like thunder."

tee hee

Grow up, fish-face...

No! Forget I said that...


(OK - serious - how tall would you say is average?)

Well, if we include the whole of Asia ...

Oh hello. You're on line. Get back to work!

I'm incredibly patient when I want to be, you know.
I'm capable of immense self-control, sh*t-features, so don't you f*cking well forget it, all right?

So...once more. Let's put it this way. What is the average height of human males born in Britain in the 1950s-60s?

(and I'm warning you now : if you find a way to maliciously misinterpret this very simple and reasonable question, I will do something very nasty that I haven't thought of yet)

Clarify your requirement please.

Height now?
Height at birth (length)?
Height at ... ... apogee?

That's it
I've had it with you
If we ever do meet, I'm going to butt you in the groin

All right. 5'9"?

Right. Now we're getting somewhere. So how much taller than that are you?

In my built-up shoes and standing on a box, I might be 6'3". But otherwise, I reckon I'm about average.

OK. Six foot three. And you're normal. (Well, normal-ish).
So if someone six inches over average is normal, that means someone six inches under would be normal, right?
And I can do better that! Plus, if a short guy stands on a box, he actually gets normaller.
(You don't half make this hard work...)
I rest my case. And stand on it, so to speak.

I am about 6" shorter than 6'3" too.

You're just making this difficult
OK. I really am one of the following heights...
5'3"
5'5"
5'7"
5'9"
5'11"
7'9""
Which one would you like me to be?

I am unfussed. You're an electronic seal.

Good. I'm glad that's settled then.

And they all lived happily ever after...

*puts book back on a (low) shelf*

...So, about making this fortune?

It could be about a handsome dwarf with good teeth and plenty of lustrous hair ...

... and a Billingsgate-smelling beer-bellied 5'9" Oliver Kahn lookalike; and the ebbs and flows of their grudgingly respectful relationship.

You mean we've been discussing my height when YOU look like an overgrown Smurf?

Just get me a ticket for the time-travel bus, and don't fob me off this time.