h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello Cynthesis! How are you today?

I'm doing very well today, even though my double English lecture at college was incredibly boring as all we did was go through the first scene of the third act in Shakespeare's "Twelfth Night" for a whole two hours. Still, at least I don't have to go into college tomorrow so I can have a nice relaxed day at home, before having to go into college again on Thursday for another double lecture. Hopefully the lecture on Thursday will be more interesting than the one today.

The winter is definitely settling in over here in the British Isles, which are renowned for their rather unpredictable and often poor weather, although we did have a very good summer this year. The sun is now not rising over here until about 8.30 in the morning and is setting again at about 4.30 in the afternoon. That makes our days in the winter quite short, as you can no doubt imagine. A small part of me is even wishing that the summer was here again, even though I suffer terribly from sunburn due to my very fair complexion. At least in the summer the sun rises over here at about 4.00 in the morning and doesn't set until about 10.30 in the evening. The days seem very long then!

I expect where you are the days are more like those of the summer months, and are just as long, if not longer than ours.

*wishes there was an "envy" smiley*

Oh, but there *is* an envy smiley!

Good Evening CYBERHUMAN!

It's lovely to hear from you today!
Analysing the minutiae of what happens to be quite a nice Shakespeare play can really take all the fun out of it! I do not you.
Still, it's a sweet relief that you have that double lecture behind you and can have some time to yourself until Thursday.

Wouldn't you know it, here I am in very sunny California and I prefer cooler, wetter climes? It's absolutely perverse. When I lived in London I didn't miss my native California at all. Now I am here, able to cruise the Pacific Coast highway, walk the beaches, swim in my pool... and I very much miss real autumnal seasonal weather. I'm not unappreciative of the sunnier and warmer climate, I just personally prefer more defined contrasts overall.*sigh*
You'd probably find life to be rather enjoyable, thoughodd, here.
I was actually thinking about you yesterday when I was in Hollywood!
It's probably where you might end up eventually for a career or maybe just for a visit. I'm so used to the place. It's difficult sometimes to see its attractions after a while unless I'm thinking how it might be perceivable in someone else's eyes. I suggest lots of sunblock lotion, dark sunglasses and an air conditioned automobile for fair, sunburnable you! Standard elments for survival in this state.
I sunburn, too, if I'm not careful. And I have to watch out for tan lines that don't match well with the evening gowns that I perform in.
I still have that photo shoot coming up on Thursday...*nervously bites a fingernail*
*thinks of calmer thoughts* The longest day of continuous daylight I ever experienced was in Orkney. It was nearly midnight and the sun was only just starting to set in the horizon. Then it was up and at it again at 4:30AM! Amazing!

You'll be fine at your photo shoot on Thursday, just remember to look straight at the camera and try not to blink or your eyes will look like they're closed in one or more of the photos. It's best to blink in between photos and then you can keep your eyes open while the photos are being taken. Just don't take Jek along with you - for one thing the microchip that tells him which humanoids are friends (like you) and which humanoids are enemies (like the postman, ha, ha!) will get confused and he won't be able to tell the difference, and for another thing he's incredibly camera shy and you'll never get him in a good enough pose for a photograph. But trust me, you will be fine and I'm sure the photographs will look absolutely brilliant. I'll be sending you good luck thoughts over the ether while you're at your photo shoot on Thursday!

I don't think that envy smiley looks very much like someone who is feeling the emotion called jealousy. It looks more like someone who is feeling seasick or one of those "grey" aliens, you know, the ones with the huge oval eyes, slitted nostrils and thin lipless slits for mouths. Still, it is the official smiley I suppose, so I'll use it to show how I envy you having summer-like weather over there while we have wind and rain over here. Here we go... wait for it... here it comes -

Well now that feels better. My ultimate ambition, apart from becoming a scriptwriter at the BBC of course, is to move to North America and work for 20th Century Fox, writing and producing some of the best TV series and movies that Fox can come up with. So the likelihood of me coming to develop my career in Hollywood might only be another fifteen or twenty years away! My idol is Joss Whedon, the genius who created, produced and wrote for two of the most phenomenally successful and popular science-fiction TV series of the late 1990s - "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and it's spin-off series "Angel." (I may have mentioned that to you before, and if I have I apologise but my memory is rather poor on matters like that.) So if I can create something as marvellous and successful as Whedon did, then I'll be incredibly pleased with myself.

Near torrential rain is now lashing down outside turning our drive into a miniature river and a strong wind is blowing too. How I love the winter...

I think that smiley looks like a green pea about to be transformed into a mushy pea. It is a sorry excuse for an official jealous representation.

Thanks for your encouraging and supportive thoughts regarding my upcoming photo shoot.
Last year, they used a wind fan on me and keeping my eyes open was a bit of a challenge! I'm determined to not look like last year's photo because among some of the comments I received were:"classy yet kittenish", "ethereal like her Faure", "rather a lot of come hither for such an intelligent artist..." and "would make a good advertisement for a dating service". *sigh*
I'm going to opt out of the wind fan this year no matter what the photographer insists.

I'll bet that when you do make itbig and come to California, I'll probably be back in the UK.
In any case, you know that I'd love to show you around if I'm still residing here!*makes a note to stock up on extra strength sunblock lotion.*

I love torrential winter rainstorms!

Those aren't encouraging or supportive comments! I would have said any of the following: "Has a face plucked from a heavenly cloud," "Who said that the Mona Lisa is good looking?" "We have not seen such a fair face as this in all of human evolution," "The fan-cooled stare gave her face a noble and dignified look" or "Ethereal like a bank of violets on a summer's day."

I'll keep an eye out for you if I ever come to California then! Providing you're still in the country of course. Maybe you'll be able to read some of my scripts if I ever come and work for 20th Century Fox and tell me what you think!

*Uses cybernetic powers to grab the torrential rain and the heavy wind and then shoves them into a little green bottle, before chucking the bottle into the ether in the hopes that Cynthesis might receive it*

Since you say you like torrential winter rainstorms I thought I'd send it to you free of charge!

*The sound of glass clinking on the kitchen tile floor. cynthesis is startled to see a small emerald green bottle with a cork stopper on top spin and skid toward her. She picks it up and sees strange whirls of water and mist lashing the interior walls of the bottle.*

Just what I wanted...a torrential winter rainstorm in a bottle!
Thanks CYBERHUMAN!
I think I'll put it on my night stand table.
I hope that cork stopper will hold the apparent force within!

You are too sweet.
Your cyborg imagination is nothing short of out of this world!
If I took all of your photo comments, compiled them and put a face to the conglomerate verbal images it might come out thusly:Puffy, nebulous, hermaphroditic,ridden with the craquelure of the ages,genetic mutant, marmorial rigour gazing through a mist of royal purple in July!
Sorry, I couldn't resist.

If you ever do come to California, do let me know. I gather that you know that I like to show guests around. I promise not to take you to Olvera Street(as long as you do not overtly gesticulate at me).
I do go into the Fox offices from time to time. It's uncanny that you happened to befriend probably the only hootooer who does!

Thanks again for the storm in the bottle. Jek seems to enjoy it too!

I'm glad that both you and Jek like the bottle of wind and rain! Like Jek, that bottle is a present from me which you may keep for as long as you want, and if we get any snow here over the winter I will put that into a bottle and send it to you as well, so that you can cool yourself down on a typically boiling hot Californian winter's afternoon! You may also like to remind yourself of what snow looks like!

Those reviewers of your photos were too harsh and if I was over in your country I'd make them each feel the back of my smooth metallic cybernetic hand. Then I'd force them to make a public apology on all the television channels, interrupting the current programme being broadcast on each channel, and then finally I'd make them line up and apologise to you in person before getting them to bend over so that Jek can headbutt them individually in their behind! His cybernetic head may be small, but it's lined with titanium, the hardest known metal in existence. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

I doubt I will be going to California anytime in the near future, as I will be going to university from September 2006 and will be studying a degree for three years, before hopefully getting a job at the BBC and writing my way in, or alternatively writing for the theatre and starting my scriptwriting career that way. What with all my university commitments and few holiday times throughout the year, I doubt I will be able to go anywhere as far away and luxurious as California and may not even find the time to go on holiday at all. And then after university, I will probably be working straight afterwards and may not be able to afford going on holiday for a while. I'm sorry but I may not make it to California until I've secured my career as a scriptwriter and have payed off my university debts. So that may not be for over ten years from now.

However, if I do ever make it to California, I will definitely be on the lookout for you. Just make sure if you're in a crowd of people and you know I'm coming over, you hold a big cardboard sign up saying "Welcome to California CYBERHUMAN!" Nevermind any stares or comments from other people, I'll know what you mean and I'll be on the lookout for it!

Don't worry about the cork on the bottle coming off, I sealed it with a sticky creamy-coloured adhesive from the planet Varos that could stick the wheels of a truck to the ground and prevent the truck from going anywhere. The wind in that bottle isn't strong enough to break that adhesive!

It's nice to know that you'd know how to deal with offhand commenters about my publicity photos. I haven't even related how the newspaper music reviewers have dealt with me over the years! Most reviews have been quite complimentary, but there are those few...**.

You certainly have got your future planned out in the coming years! I can't claim to have ever had a detailed drawn out plan for my future. Whenever I do try to organise a point to point schedule, it invariably changes or evolves along the way in a serendipitous manner. I've no complaints in hindsight because all of the surprises along the way led me to very fulfilling experiences that I wouldn't have chosen for myself if I had planned it. I hope that you'll find some pleasant surprises in store for you alongside the realisations of all your goals!

You'll always find a welcome from me in California or wherever I wind up!
I'll say goodnight to you now. I hope to speak with you tomorrow!
Nighty night and sweet cybernetic dreams to you!

I look forward to that Californian welcome.

I hope you have a pleasant day tomorrow and no doubt I shall speak to you at some point to find out how your day has been and what you've been up to. I'll also tell you what I've been up to as well.

Take care of yourself, remember Jek is always with you to protect and serve you, and I'll speak to you tomorrow sometime! Goodnight!

Hello CYBERHUMAN!

How are you this evening?

Hello Cynthesis!

How are you today? I'm doing very well today and have been relaxing and chilling out since I didn't have to go into college, although tomorrow I have got a double English lecture from 9.00 until 11.00 and then I have to hang around in college until 3.15 to see a lecturer about something. So that won't be much fun, but it has to be done so I can't really complain about it.

I still hope your photo shoots tomorrow will go extremely well and I'm sure that they will. Just remember the advice that I gave you last night and everything will be absolutely fine. You have nothing to worry about.

I may be going on holiday to Rome next April at around Easter time!

Hi CYBERHUMAN!

It's always good to hear from you!
That's a bit of a lengthy stay at college for you tomorrow. A double lecture too! *sigh*
I'm sure you'll keep yourself busy while you wait for the appointment with your lecture.

I had an appointment with some stylists today regarding my photo shoot tomorrow. I had a 1/2 inch trim from my waist length hair and then I had to show which gowns I was going to wear so a suitable background and reflective lighting could be chosen. They even wanted to know what music I preferred to listen to during the shoot! Sorry, I didn't choose Nickelback. I thought that Vivaldi might help things a bit.
Anyway, I'll tell you all about it when it's over and done with tomorrow! Thanks for the goodluck wishes and the vote of confidence!
I think I'll need it!

Rome! Have you ever been there? It's wonderful at that time of year! How long would you be able to stay? I haven't been there for a couple of years. There are so many things to see there . Someday I'd like to take an extended vacation there to take in the wonder of that place!

I have never been to Rome before but it's a country that has always fascinated me and I can't wait until I go there next Easter! I'm only going for eight days as it's a coach holiday and I'll have to get the coach to Dover in England, then get the ferry across to Calais in France before going on a coach again all through France, Belgium, Germany and then down through the Czech Republic and Austria to Italy. But I'm travelling overnight on the coach in Europe so it should only take three out of the eight days to get there. The rest of the time will be spent touring the greatest city in the world!

You don't need a vote of confidence. You'll breeze through tomorrow's photo shoot and come out smiling and happy. The photos will be brilliant and you'll look fantastic in them.

*sends goodluck thoughts across the ether to Cynthesis and special instructions to Jek to look after Cynthesis tomorrow and make sure that she's not too worried about the photo shoots*

By the way, Nickelback will help you relax more and look forward to tomorrow's photo shoots!

Okay, I'll take your advice and listen to that new Nickelback CD tonight to take my mind off of that looming photo shoot. That CD is brilliant, btw. I love their harmonics and distinctive mix of acoustic and electric guitar work.

Are you traveling with a group? It's nice to see the countryside and different towns when you travel by land on the continent.
Rome is a bustling place near Easter time. Two years ago I was there at Easter to perform a concert in one of the beautiful churches there. I love beautiful places of worship and one of the perks of being a musician is that I am offered jobs to perform in places of exquisite beauty and finding inspiration in the entire experience.*sigh*
I hope you are able to try some of the seasonal culinary treats there too.
The gigantic chocolate Easter eggs and panattone almost did me in !
Easter is a glorious time to experience Rome for the first time!

Did you get to see If2871's entry that she's sending off to PR?
I was about to get back to her to ask if she might want to tweak some things around grammatically and punctuation-wise before sending it off.
She has a wonderful viewpoint on the subject and it would be nice if you could perhaps put your esteemedin before she posts it.(?)

Thanks for always being a calming influence upon me when I get all worked up about things like a simple photo shoot!
I'll take your best wishes and feel much more confident because of them ! You're so sweet!

You have the new Nickelback album?!! Oh wow, my opinion of you has just shot up even higher than it already was! I didn't know that your taste in music was that great, but now you've just confirmed it for me!

It is a truly excellent album and Daniel Adair is a brilliant replacement for previous drummer Ryan Vikedal! I bought their new album on the day it was actually released! I was so proud!

Your brief reminiscence of your trip to Rome has only added to its' appeal and charm and I really can't wait to go there! I want to see the remains of the ancient Roman colloseum (I think that's spelt wrong but I'll continue), the ancient Roman temples and other places, the place where Mussolini held office as prime minister for twenty-two years (I studied Fascist Italy in History at A Level) and also sample the delights of Italian cuisine.

I'm going on the holiday with Travelsphere, which is a holiday company that specialises in European holidays by air or by coach, and you just have to book the holiday, pay for it, and then make sure you turn up at the coach station in time to leave for Dover! I'll be going just with my mum as she wants to go to Rome as well (only joking, I'm really glad she wants to come too ).

I think If2871's entries on "Doctor Who" have been extremely good and I really think she's a talented writer with great potential. I might be assisting her with her entry on the Doctor's assistants. My cybernetic charm and service for all mankind is stretching out to other h2g2 members...

I'm off to bed now as I need to recharge and have to get up early in the morning. I will speak to you tomorrow sometime! Goodnight!

My musical tastes run the full spectrum of what is available and of notable quality out there! You'd be surprised what kind of a collection of CD's that I actually have. I've got music for whatever mood I may find myself in! So that includes 3 of Nickelback's CD's in my posession at the moment.

Does the tour itinerary have any other stops in Italy besides Rome?
I'd love to take a couple of months to see just Rome. The Colosseum, Pantheon and the Vatican Museum impressed me. It's a lovely city to get lost in, which I did as much as was possible! I stayed in a wonderful hotel atop the Spanish Steps. so I was well within walking distance of everything worth seeing.

Fascist history? There are plenty of historic sites to visit there. In fact there are some tours that soley concentrate on the Roman Mussolini connections in detail, as I recall.

Yes, If2871 has a very good analytical mind. She's eager to get that Doctor's Assistants piece off to PR! I'm glad you might assist her in this venture.

I can vouch strongly for your cybernetic charm and selfless service to all organic forms of life! I might be just a little biased but I think you're absolutely the best!

Well, I'm sure it's time for you to recharge, you've a full day tomorrow!
Goodnight and sweet dreams cyborg warrior!

Hello Cynthesis!

How are you today? I'm doing very well despite a long and tiring day at college where I had two incredibly boring and uneventful lectures in the morning and then a long wait to meet one of my lecturers in the mid-afternoon to talk about something, a talk which lasted for just over an hour before I was finally able to make my weary way home! I'm so tired this evening you would not believe it!

Still, I carry on while putting matchsticks under my eyelids to keep them from shutting in the rhythmic pattern of sleep. Only joking, I'm delving deep into my innermost recesses to find my near limitless bodily energy to keep awake for a few hours longer, and succeeding quite well at the moment.

Fortunately tomorrow I'm not due in at college until 2.15 in the afternoon, so I can have a bit of a lie-in to make up for today's very early start (in college by 9.00, would you believe it?! ), and I will be leaving college tomorrow at 3.15, so I'm only in for an hour. Whoever designed my timetable was being kind where Fridays are concerned!

I think If2871 needs to write a fairly in-depth guide entry about the Doctor's companions, including a brief description of the appearance and character for each companion, which will make it quite a long entry I think as there are several dozen companions spread out over the three decades and to make it a comprehensive entry she needs to include each one really. Anyway, I'm sure she knows that already and will do an excellent job with her entry and I look forward to reading it!

My uranium core, the very heart of my cybernetic being that powers me and keeps me alive, has on it's smooth metal exterior the Kraalon words "Ka Faraq Gatri Venn Nagri Kahn," meaning "I aim to serve and protect all organic organisms." That's why I am, as you put it, "absolutely the best"!

Good evening CYBERHUMAN!

I'm glad you're able to unwind after such a long tedious day at college!
I certainly do understand that need to relax after my photo shoot today.

It went fine, by the way, just as you said it would!
I've now got 40 good still shots for my portfolio and won't have to worry about posing again until next year!
This year I used a fashion photographer instead of a portrait specialist and I think we covered every emotion my face could convey on film. Officially I picked out a "serene" pose to partner my written bio for concert programmes. There are also "radiant" and "vulnerable" poses for
newspaper articles. And one "candid/laughing" one for interviews.
The whole shooting, makeup and wardrobe changes included, took 3 and a half hours. It's probably my best photo ensemble I've ever posessed.
I'm so relieved it's over!
Oh, and I did play some Nickelback tunes in between the Vivaldi.

Yes, I figured you would go for the thoroughly comprehensive approach regarding If2871's entry. She said she'd be tidying up what she has written so far, and would be posting it to PR. She truly is a hardworker and a very nice friend. I hope you can assist her in your usual capably strong but empathetic manner! I know she's in very good hands with you around!

I cautiously bring this up, but when is your Maths exam ?
Just curious and concerned.

There you go, I told you your photo shoot would go absolutely fine today, and it did! I'm so glad that it went well and you sound like you enjoyed it a lot. A full round of for getting through the photo shoot without a hitch!

My Maths exam should be on Tuesday and Thursday of next week, as there are actually two separate exams, one non-calculator and the other with a calculator allowed. I say "should be" because the college has yet to confirm the precise dates of the two exams, but that is the most likely dates that they will occur on.