h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You, my dear Pandora, are psychic!

How did you know that I love my backscratcher?

And your suggestion for the voice goodie is an excellent one.

If you feel like a south African BBQ come and visit me at Plettenberg Bay tomorrow when we are going to have a really great time. You will be able to surf and go whale watching and of course eat all sorts of ggodies. I look forward to seeing you.

I do not want to spit at my poor screen. It would be very unkind to do that to something which gives me so much pleasure and companionship!!.

Much affectionate

AR1

Ooooo...I only tried that about a dozen times. Surfing, that is...other stuff took me longer to admit to defeat...*whispers...*don't tell anyone I'm so stubborn. But I DO love to body surf! Found that out quiet by accident. I fell off the surfboard WAY the hell out past the 'point of no return', so to speak.
When I 'landed' ashore...my, er, well......my top was gone! I was right in the middle of a bunch of Marines.
I tried to stay in the surf on my belly...for the reasons I just mentioned...one of the fellows mistook my, er, modesty for distress......as he ran toward me...I kept telling him to:
SHOOO! Go AWAY!!...my girlfriend stood laughing taking pictures as she held out a towel...like a carrot to a jackass!
Ahhh...*sings 'Memories'...replacing said word with:mammories...*...*the dog howls...the cat hides...buzzards circle...*

I'd love to come to the BBQ!! Will you be roasting any veggies?
I'm a bit of a fruit. ...after all...you are what you eat!
Animals are my friends and I don't eat my friends. 'Cept
for when I eat little tiny pieces of them...like BLTs...and bacon and eggs...little bits like that. I get the willys watching people eat spare ribs! I mean, where are they 'spare' FROM?!?
Could you imagine the critter they must come from?!?
No! Don't...the visual may be too much of a shock!! Well, it was for ME least ways...
Next Fall I hopeto come to S.A. as part of my book tour
& visit friends....I sure hope you're still able to sit up and suck air when I get there!! And don't worry...I'm refusing all invites to stay with friends.I think that's one of the things that makes me such a good friend. I never stay with friends.
I hope to go from New York to the UK & then...I'm not sure yet where from there but SA is on the list!

Oh, before I forget, again......how unlike me...Is Chartreuse that yellow stuff?? I can recall drinking it, however, I don't recall the taste...come to think of it...can't recall what I did after I drank a bunch either...
Have a wonderful day! And make sure that YOUR meat doesn't become roasted!!! I can see you in your big hat now...

And, yes, I truely am psychic...can't be helped. I come from a long line of spritual types...amid scientific types...always made for good conversation.........

When I held an open house here, when the cabin was done...I went to an exotic type store and asked if they had bamboo back scratchers? The nice lady went over and brought me one.
I said, "Do you have about one hundred of these?"
She said, ""
I bought all they had and wrote the time and date of the party on them with a fine point marker & handed then out. I had such a huge turn out!!! Luckily I bought extras as everyone wanted one for their upstairs as well as their downstairs.
For a bunch of 89 cent bamboo thingies...I sure got alot of really good stuff for the cabin! I was truely surprised too...I didn't expect gifts!
I don't know why, but I certainly have been Blessed with so many wonderful people in my life! I've already added you to my list you know.

AR1,
Hello. I hope you had a wonderful time at the BBQ?! Tell me what the Sea was like. What did you see at the Sea?
Hope your 'pieces-parts' are feeling better and not falling off an' stuff.
My 46th birthday is Dec. 9. ...officially, I will have outlived my experation date, according to the Philly 'experts', by four full years....*does the nahnah dance around the doctors...*
Oh, wait, I forgot...from now on, everytime I get to an even five...I will go BACK down the other way. I.E., in five years I shall say I am 40...then in ten I shall say I am 45. You see, up and down. My Dear Grandmother was 98 and still told everyone she was only 96. It's the only 'lie' I've ever know her to tell! She said it was "exceptable" to not tell your 'real age'.
I remember telling her that if that were the case, at HER age, she outta' be tacking ON a few years and amazing everyone with her abilities!!!!

I'd like to thank you.




Just when I was thinking that my writing was no longer clever, you came along and told me it/I was. I needed that! Now, I'm writing and I can't stop.

Should you ever want to include me in an E mail:
[email protected]
Your Friend,
Valerie

Very dear Pandora (born again tart)

Thank you for your nice newsy letter. I had the best TEN years of my life between the ages of 29 and 30.!! But it was horrid when I was 40

Glad to have helped you with your writing. You certainly have me confused - and interested - and fascinated. All attributes of a good writer!!. I am a boring old person who lays all her cards on the table and is never able to surprise anyone.

Now who were the people you were feeding. and why do you get so much post? That is another story I expect. I see that you have met Dragonlady. I must write to her now as I have sadly neglected all my friends. Due to the fact that my hands have been very sore - getting better now luckily - and my kitchen is being refitted and I cannot easily get out of the Bedroom in my wheelchair. Very boring.
My affection AR1

I have YOU confuse-a-lated?!?! You outta' be lookin' at me from THIS side of the mirror.
You are not boring! Old. But not boring!
With age, as you know, comes wisdom.For MOST people anyway. I spent my entire youth around "old" people!! I actually listened!May be why I was...*ahem*...WAS such a wise a**.
I'll send you an e...sometime this weekend...unless I fall asleep on the hearth and fall into the fire and burn down the cabin or sumthin'.

~I jusss adore you!!!~

Hello my dear friend!
Please send..even a blank E-mail to my 'fan mail' addy so I can E you!! I have no idea what happened to your address! Please forgive me taking so long to even think to have *you* E *me* so I can E you!!

[email protected]

Thank you & again

IRL a gentalman friend, Chris was here for his 44th BD celebration. (Monday afternoon & into the evening)
He's an adorable construction worker who's just been laid off for the Winter. (it's below zero degrees F br-r-r-r)
(I've been awake for 23 hours now & I have company coming in about five hours. I've been washing all the blankets and the sleeping bag as you can never tell when the power will go off and/or people can become stranded here rather easily. There are hills and curves ahd curves on hills...well, you get the idea.)

The snowplow has been by many times within the last several hours as the snow is about 4" and we're to get as much as another foot.What will I EVER do with another foot? I only have 'PAIRS' of shoes. Well...it's not as if I wear them much or anything. I'm sitting here with a space heater blowing toward my bare feet which are resting on a thick fleece seat cusion! I like using items for things other than what they were made to do. (isn't that the most awkward sentance?? This is what happens when I've not had sleep)...back to Chris...
I gave him a sweatshirt that a fellow bought me one night when a bunch of us were out slamming back shots at a swanky watering hole lakeside by 'Cedar Point' in Sandusky. (Do you know where that is? I've been told people from all over the World go to Cedar Point or want to... )Anyway...it was cold & we decided to walk along the beach...must have been 17 or more soused people. Actors, actually. The director use to 'do' Broadway plays...but The City (N.Y.)didn't agree with him and he moved to Ohio to teach drama at 'Bowling Green University'. (to each his own, an' all that...) So, on the front of the shirt (which is really fleecey and has a pouch AND a hood with a drawstring)the word is 'CAMEO'. I thought that was a kool name for a bar where actors and the like hang out. (a bucket <--- BUCKET of peel and eat shrimp for ten dollars one evening of each week there! Yummy! )
Okay, I prefacededededed (no sleep for 23 hours... ) this story by telling you Chris is a 'construction worker', right? (not alot of, shall we say, classical upbringing?) So, I say to him...after he's all happy about the shirt..."Do you really like it then?" He said, again, that he did. Then (finally) he asked if 'CAMEO' was the name of a bar? I said, "Yes it is, AND...at any given time, you can go there and it will be filled to the rafters with thespians (<--SP?) He went; "Oh no you don't! I ain't wearin'...bla-bla-bla-a-a-a!" hahahaha...I touched his hand and said, "Gee Hon, I thought you'd LIKE the thought of the 'girl-on-girl' thing." "Yeah, oh, yeah! Hell yeah I'll wear it! ...it ain't got nothin' ta' do with queers though, right? just chicks?" (Ohmyhell...I'm so bad...) I assured him that it was a 'female' thing...and we laughed about him being one of THE biggest *lesbiens* in the entire World! Cuz he just loves women!
When I finally told him what 'cameo' meant...he was sorta' disappointed. ...Then he realised that...*probably* most of his buddies would think the same thing he did...so he was all happy again.
The End
Why do you think I do stuff like that? It *was* a bit mean - albiet funny. Crap...now I'll probably have to pay for it...but wait. God has a wicked sense of humor!!! I'm not the least bit worried.~~~~~~~

Sending love and energy your way!

Very dear Pandora
Sorry I have taken so long to answer. This will not be too long as my fingertips are still very sore. I have just read your lovely letter and the story about your l;unch party. Sounds great but poor chap - I wonder which he thinks is the correct explanation of cameo?
So you have four inches of snow already. I do not think I would like to live in such a cold climate. When I read your letter I realised that my feet were freezing so I went to see if had some "unlikely" things to put on them I could not find anything except a pair of woolly slippers so feel a bit warmer now.
It is a dull letter but thank you for your exciting story. I shall try and write again tomorrow. Fond AR1

...if you will just send your E-addy (again) I will be able to E-mail you. You need not bother with writing me back...unless you're taken away by a band of roving gypsies or sumthin' and would like me to rescue you or sumthin'.
(be certain to tag your E h2g2 or something so it doesn't get tossed into the trash)

[email protected]

Stop saying you're dull! Thasss my friend you're talking about!

hahahaha...I don't think Chris has any idea what cameo really means...too bad he's so homophobic...but it's fodder for teasing.
I shall go stand in the corner as punishment for picking on him. Or not.

Very dear Pandora,
Sorry I have been neglectful but my hands have been a real bother. I keep meaning to send you my email address again and then forget when I go offline from h2g2.

I am going to get the energy to write about this last week in my journal so shall not bore you twice with it.
I was so happy to talk to a old friend who lives in Texas last night for 45 minutes. We had a lot of talk about and he makes me laugh a lot - as you do!!. Yo may come out of the corner now!!

Much affection AR1

Thanks for letting me out of the corner!
I have a feeling that *yellow* foot prints in the snow have some sort of meaning. See, this wouldn't happen if I wore ole' wollen slippers. Or even new sliky ones.Of course I'd probably slip and fall in the snow if I were wearing silky slippers.So, I guess 'tis better to yellow the soles of one's feet, than to FACE *yellow* snow... so to speak.

My dear sweet Pandora big gentle

This was our very first thread that we spoke on and Dear Gnoman has found it again for me!!

and I am Also Ran1 again - thank goodness

Not a peep from you since we spoke. It was so good to talk to you. I hope that you are well and that life continues to be a merry as ever!!

I am thrilled about the fact that I am FOUND again. I have a lot of postings to make up!!

I send you ever so much and affection.

AR1 The other t***

...*dusts off the cob webs...*

Someone must know their way around this place or sumthin'!

The last day we spoke, as I told you my computer wasn' w*rking.
Remember how you told me about the Sun spots?
Well...THAT wasn't it.
I jussss got mac outta' the 'puter hospital.
I've lost every bit of my screenplays...Reader's Digest stories, etc.
Gone. All gone. But I'm taking it rather calmly.

Thanks to Gnoman I have somehow added myself to your friends list. Gnoman's really 'puter savy

I spent the most wonderful day today at my favorite
The waves were crashing, the men gathered 'round. Ahh...it was a good day!

Hope to hear from you soon!
Be well!

Dear Pandora my special BAT gentle

Oh yes! Famous last words.



Sun spots!!
Oh Lordy!!

ish look of remorse.

I promise I shal never ever again try and tell you about sun spots.

What an ass. ass, ass - hits head against rubber pillow moaning
Ass! Ass! Ass!

Why dpn't you ask dear gnoman if he can help. After all that is the script of your forthcoming film. It is VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

A thousand times more important than mine.

He is such a kind person I am sure that he will hel;.

Once before in S.A,. when what I lost WAS very important research wise, someone helped me to restore 400 of the 600 details of Local authorities which I had just quietly "removed" by pressing the wrong keys.

Hurry my and ask him#

With very much affectionate
AR1

I tried to answer your E-mail...but mac crashed after a long reply.

Looks like a new computer is in store (literally) for me.
I could NEVER ask Gnoman to help me!! ...*whispers...*you see, i don't know Gnoman. Besides, finding something on h2g2 is doable if you take the time.Also helps if ya' know what you're doin'
or so I'm told.< whistle>

200 details lost!!! You must hurry & 'back-up' EVERYTHING
on your computer onto a HARD DISK!!! I'm sure Gnoman can help...I only know to take it to a shoppe.

I fear mac is not long for the World. And I'll be slapped silly if I'll trust this old boat to carry my new (& hopefully improved <---look out!! it's my: "Alwyas A Silver Lining"!!!!) stuff.
I'm gonna' have to let a few months out of my wallet & replace mac.

Then...when I'm all set...I'm gonna' have some nice strong man carry mac out to the front walk & I'm gonna' smash it to tisty bitsy bits!


Now, stop comparing yourself to farm animals and quiet abusing that rubber pillow! You may speak of sun spots or any spot you like. An' if ANYone tries to put a sock in it...(that would be your mouth)...they'er gonna' haveta' go thru me! And I ain't going nowhere!

I'm mentally fine about everything vanishing.I"m okay!

Oh my dear Pandora,

Was it my fault!!

My "loss" occurred about twenty years ago, and I am certainly NOT going to go searching for them now!!

Please tell me about your mac. I thought that you had bought a new macintosh which did everything except speak to you. And even that was possible.!!

I am really losing my mind if I am mistaken. I remember thinking
"How nice that she has a Mac"

I have just had very sad news.
My children's father has Ca of the pancreas and has been given two months to live - and the most darling religious Franciscan sister whom I loved like the most special person on earth has had a stroke and is unconcsious.

I know that she will not mind. She always talked about the Plan of Providence and loved Our Lord and Our Lady with a deep Faith and Piety. My children's father will undoubtedly be very unhappy [ and I am sad for him. Mais c'est la vie.

So much affectionate

AR1

I send you a bucket of tears for when yours have gone dry and yet you wish to cry...
My thoughts & prayers are with you more so than ever.

RE: imac...I've had mac since 2000, Jan.
And it does 'speak'...even has some foul things to say to me! Of course I have no idea who could have put those words into it's speakable items list.

Please know that I am here for you!!

My mother passed after her third stroke. She lay there three weeks. My sister by her side, reading the paper, etc.. Then I finally went to her side and told her to go be with her brother. I promised to take care of my father & everything else as she had prepared me to do.
She let out a great sigh (which my sister told me my father heard from
his bed at home)...then she joined her ancesters.

All my thoughts are with you! Sending you strenght & love.

My so dear Pandora a big bunch of fragrant red s

Thank you so much . Darling Sister Mary is still unable to speak. Unable to responsd, but apparently enjoyed the big bunch of freesias which I had sent to her via Interflora. I phone the hospital up every evening.

I had thought of going to Glasgow, but it is a long way for me to drive, and if and then I have to find somewhere for us to sleep.

I think that it is wonderful to be with someone when they pass over. It is as if you are not letting do the journey alone and are encouraging them with love and affection.

My daughter has flown back from Australia and is at this moment inf France with her father. He will be very surprised to see her, but I hope that the meeting will be a happy one. My eldest son left yesterday for a return visit within a week of having been over there.
I hope the visit is a successful one. I do not think that he will want to know his life span - but the children feel that it is his "right" to know. I think one can tell whether people want to know or not that they have a limited life span. It enables one to get on with life and be as productive and active as one can be because life is so precious.

Time is the most precious element that we are given in life. It is up to us to make the most of it - live it - savour it - share it by means of friendship and love.

All the in the world - welll nearly all!!

AR1

Words from such a wise & Worldly lady indeed!

I'm quiet certain Sister Mary wouldn't want you to go through such a head-spin just to say ado! The last time she visited, I'm sure you said good-bye. And, as I've said before, no matter how long it is before you join her...it won't 'really' be long at all.
And I'm also sure her fragrant room is also filled with angels awaiting her readiness to be carried into the light.

It is a good thing your children have the chance to see their father.
It bring to mind something our 'Dear Abbey' use to say in her new paper colums;"Waiting for someone to die is the longes wait you'll ever have!"

Sad news here...how my heart is breaking!! Thursday night...remember when I told you Saturn was acting up?...my friend 'Brett's' 19 year old son fell asleep at the wheel & was killed when his car struck a truck! Just a couple years ago his infant son died of S.I.D.s in his crib. I remember holding his wife in my arms and telling her how I prayed that that would be the worst thing that EVER happened to them!
I can't imagin!! Your youngest then eldest...and I have no words for them! I am at long last speachless & useless.

to you & yours...

My so dear Pan, big

I am devastated with the news of your friend's son. How simply awful - first her youngest and now her eldest.

The loss of a young life is so sad. We have all lived our lives, but when a young life is ended before it has even begun then it is really tragic.

I shall say a special prayer for her and for him.

I phoned the hospital again this evening. Sister Mary has regained consciousness but is paralysed down the right side and cannot speak. She is smiling however. As I said to you before her motto was always

The plan of Providence

I wonder what Our Lord has in store for her.

I understand your feeling of helplessness with your friend. What words are there to console, to help and to accept the death of a beloved child?

My daughter phoned me from France today. It seems that the father does not want K. to come - in fact is not mentioning him at all. I really think that it is so sad to reject him on his deathbed. He has always been totally unaccepting of his son's illness although of course he has the same - only the paranoic kind which K. does not have.

the sad thing is that K. has always tried to love his father and yet for the last 30 years his dad has rejected him. I suppose tht it is not surprising that he wshould reject him now.

Dear love>. I am off to bed.

I send you ever so much affection and a and for good measure a HUGE bunch of beautifully fragrant red s

Your loving AR1

Sister Mary must be reliving her life...I think that's what I've mostly watched as I've seen people leave their body behind.
Once when I went to see my Hungarian Grandmother in her lovely nursing home...I watched her sit & push herself back & forth in her wheelchair...she was 98, but said that the 'only thing' it wa alright to lie about is a ladies age...& so, she told everyone (except me) her true age was 96.
How cute is that???? I recall telling her if it was alright to lie...why not impress everyone & say you're 100?! She thoght me quiet silly.
I had to call out to her several times...& in her broken English she laughed and said she was a lilly (little) girl playing jump rope with the other children and then some called out, "Grandmother! Grandmother! Saying she was only nine years old in her daydream! She wasn't a gandmother!" Then she laughed & told me yet another new story about 'The Old Country'.

She was in a coma whilst I was backpacking out West...in Montana & Colorado. High in the mountians. Shirt sleeves at the bottom, snow at the top! It was like touching Heaven! I even have a beautiful picture of what my father said only pilots ever get to see...called 'halos'...
a perfect ring of light with perfect sunbeams jutting out. I was all alone in the mountains and was able to be very near bear, mule dear,
as well as mountian goats, moose & wild cats. ...I refused to allow
ANYthing from back home enter my mind.
I went there to decide if I was going to move into a mansion of a very well to do doctor with custody of his twins. 9 year olds. What a sweet age!
I also was studing my scrpit for the play, 'Bells On Their Toes' the sequal to 'Cheaper By The Dozen'. (The director from New York...he'd
left the City for quiet.) I had the lead comedic role & he said were it anyone else, he'd never agree to three weeks of the cast rehearsing w/o me...he told me I was a 'true' actor & that he trusted my instintcs with regard to moving across the stage...etc. And I'd have two weeks to rehearse upon my arrival home before opening night.
Still I digress...
My mother called one morning, not knowing the 3 hour time difference.
She would have never called me on one of my outtings. She had done done it in all my travels! I knew she wanted to know if I KNEW Nagymuma (grandmother) was dying. I didn't.
...because, you see, she wasn't. She lay there until I came back. She waited for me.
When I arrived at the hospital my Aunts stopped me & explained that Nagymuma(pronounced: nudge-muma) would not be able to hear me & to prepare myself.
(Out of 22 grandchildren she told me I was her favorite...I'm sure it's what she told all 22 of us!...but I *knew* I was truely her favorite. I devote an entire chapter to her in my book) I took a deep
breath & went to nagymuma's side.
In Hungarian I told her that I loved her. She always told me, "I love you too much...my sweetest of them all. God loves you and I love you too much."(I was 33 before I understood: "loving too much") As I told her in Hungarian I loved her she opened her failing eyes. She looked right at me. Smiled & said,"Valerie!" & told me again how much she loved me & we said good-bye. I still remember the way the Aunts all gasped when my grandmother knew me & we spoke. Yes, they were her daughters...but thy all were afraid of anything not of 'this' World...& I embrassed each new thing I found. I learned. She was my mentor.
But, I digress...I find this new medicine the Dr has me on makes me ramble...
Guess it's a good thing...after all, I do have alot of re-writing to do!
Today I saw the insurance lady, about the house & paid it for a year.
She was complaining to me about how awful it was that HER computer had to go to the shop next door to her office becase there was something wrong with her modem & what an inconvience...etc..
I giggled...& lest she think me crule & insensitive I HAD to explain.
So I said, "Would you like to hear a, I can top that?" She said she would. So I told her the condensed version of mac & the minimum amout of fifty-two thousand dollars plus my entire book being gone from my hard drive. hahahahha...after she shut her mouth...which hung open like a dead bass...she asked, "Are you going to rewrite it all?" I told her I was & she said she would too! ...Then, strangely she mentioned the lunar eclips...which was the 1st I've missed in many years. I have a lovely telescope! & she spoke about *Saturn*

K's father is like my darling nephew's biological sperm donor. A.'s
father has distanced himself since the child had brain surgery at age 5 & has been learning disabled. A sweeter angel you shall never find!
Of course I did help raise him for a number of years. His 1/2 sister
tells me he was never again happy when his mother took him back. As for his father...I stoppd the skunk from killing himself. Something I have lived to regreate...repeatedly!! A. might have had a wonderful fantasy of a wonderful father had the skunk gone peg!
(BTW)Kes explained to me 'peg' comes from the last peg in cribbage!
So much for my uneducated guess regarding the last peg in one's coffin. Cribbage indeed. I think I like my redetion.

I would have E-mailed you today but the connection keeps being broken...I can SAVE what I post here but the E-mail vanishes...I'm nearly ready to get a new mac. Nearly.

Tomorrow, Tuesday is Veteran's Day here. And I have an appointment with a local eye Dr. Reading glasses are called for. I'm afraid I was quiet rude. I couldn't read allthe fine print on the form he has me filling out, so I wrote across the second page: I need reading glasses not a liver transplant! Best behave myself...who knows what he might charge me?! hahahaha......as I've said, I don't change my personality for anyone. It's made for many embarrassing situations. Luckily I have never known anyone to died from embarrassment. Even though at the moment it might feel like a good idea!
I bought a new flag today. For twenty dollars it had a white pole with an eagle atop...but no rope with which to hoist it!~ **==
I told myself I'd be hanged & slapped silly if I couldn't rig a flag.
I unknotted MANY knots from the OLD flag...fianlly it hangs above the HUGE yellow ribbon I have attached to my middle pillar of the front porch. It's for my cousin Mike...somewhere in Iraq. This will be his thrid battle pin. He's the 'baby' of the 22 grandchildren.
He certainly cuts a fine figure of a man! He came to my father's military funural in full dress blues. He's U.S. Army. Psychologist.
I don't know exactly where he is just now.
Our cousin Bill crashed his plane during an air show a few years back.
He's the 1st of the Cerlan Clan to die. This generation is what I mean. Thinking about it...we sure are a bunch of thrill seekers! Or
idiots!!

I have resolved myself that I can forgive my nephew's father but I have also made myself a vow to slap his face should I ever have to look upon him again! It's the *least* I can do...after all...

Still, I would hope that K.'s father will have some sort of break through as often happen when near death...but I fear it is not to be.
At least he'll be well in the next Life. Small comfort now for K.!

I will try to E-mail you later in the week. If it gts lost in space you'll be able to hear the echjo of my banshee-like scream from this side of The Pond. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Do not be alarmed!

If you are able please stop by the Crossed Purpose Pub on my home page...for November...lurkers are welcome too!
They are having my Birthday Party!
The men are all kissing me & the woman are, well, they'er still the women. But the bubbly is flowing freely!
It matters not that my birthday isn't until 9 December. I always wanted a BD party when the snow wasn't flying!

Thank you for your prayers for the Willam's family. I shall let them know that people around the Wolrd are keeping them in their prayers. As soon as I can find what words to write down.
I saw the cars lined up at young Tim's funural today. I couldn't bring myself to pull into the parking lot. The director always rushes to
take me out of my car & into the parlor. I am ashamed to say I just couldn't do it.* Wouldn't* do it anyway...
ado for now.
Thingking of you & your beautiful K.