h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've got nothing better to do, so I decided to go bother the fascinating person. so, bother. bother bother. bother bother bother bother bother. is that enough? okay. feel free to ignore me, I just like talking. maybe I'm dead. that would explain a lot. merry that. Unmerry that. take all of the merryings, turn them upside down, and look at them through green glass and you see a cow. The dot on my left arm has nothing to do with antelopes. There is a very large emu walking on your head. What kind of hair does your water grow?

My appologies. I do that on occasion, and sometimes it bothers people. It may be because of the mixups in my neural pathways, or it could be that I just like absurd humor a bit too much, or a mixture of the two. I really couldn't tell you. You may be the kind of person to tell me that I should seek professional help, and I would tell you that I already have and have been found incurable, but harmless. And so, here I am

As I view the world from the bottom of the fridge, a thought occurs to me. " .................................oh, no it doesn't". Woops, there it goes again, if you listen carefully you can just about catch a faint echo of maniacle laughter followed closely by a huge raspberry. Once the aardvaarks have serviced the lawnmower I intend to give the local hamster a short back snd sides, or could that be a mohawk?????? or an emohawk??????? or am I really thinking about a flying fish. Fish, there's a strange one. What do you think they get out of life? apart from swimming about calling each other "Bob" and eating (or being eaten by ) one another. Anyway, back to something I wasn't thinking about yesterday afternoon while I was not eating anything that remotely resembled a dry stone wall ( honestly officer I only farted slightly, and that was on thing , or was it doobry? ).
Witter witter witter witter witter witter, oh, sorry for wittering on like that but my head just turned a rather attractive shade of purple and started singing an ancient celtic battle song whilst waving a huge wooden sword viciously at the cat. ( poor cat ). Artenshiur, do you think? maybe we both need to stop eating the rather small pointy mushrooms for a while? ( I don't think so ) Who needs them anyway. "Imagination is the blueprint of rality" don'cha think?
Otter.

And so on the eighth day, God made absurdism, and continuity stepped into the bible and said, "wait, no, this book is based on flawed reason and thus can not involve in any manner whatsoever absurdism, which is pure, correct logic", and so all-powerful continuity removed this part of the book entirely and placed it in some arbitrary location on earth.

Well, isn't that interesting? I think it would look better in green, though, don't you? and... oh! the cucumber responded incorrectly, causing the blackboard to be divided by zero, resulting in too many ones.

Ooh! your turn! but first... ignore the birdie! *flash* and here's your copy.

oh my. if you watch the spinning lights, you follow the yellow brick road, and thus fall asleep. then the green lady is nabbed by Asheesh and you find yourself orange and rather unnonuncomfortable. the true gerbil then bothers you, deciding to change tenses, and asked to see if you had more than one pocketwatch.
The omniscient pocketwatch exalted him for this, and sent him on a mission to smite Innocent III. Quite obviously he failed this mission, and so we have a few million more violent deaths on our hands than we would have otherwise. The pink fuzzy walrus's ghost then states: "[copyrighted material.]"