h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Right, so here I am, sitting on my unmade bed, with a chipped and very decidedly purple guitar pick (Which are just the greatest things to chew on, for the record. I haven’t played guitar in like five or so years, and I rarely used a pick when I did, but I got accustomed to chewing on them. So I do still chew on them. But only Fender mediums. And in particular the gel ones. Yum. Nothing finer. This purple one has been chipped to the point that no one should ever want to play with it, methinks, but I know that I have a white one hiding somewhereabouts and when I find it, it will end up just as bad or worse. Chewed to bits. Perhaps I should try to sell them on e-bay at some point. …That would be interesting. But anyway! Yes. I have a habit of chewing guitar picks and I don’t play. What of it…? We all have our little idiosyncrasies, don’t we? This just happens to be mine.) in my mouth, pondering the future of my life. Which is actually funny. Now that I think on it, because really I haven’t got much of my life in order at all. It’s insane, I know, I mean, you’re probably saying something like “well hell, you’ve gotten yourself enough together to get of and get this written, so what the hell are you complaining about?” but it’s really been a struggle for me. (Oh and before I forget, I have a really bad habit of writing in parentheses. So get used to it.)
Mostly I sit about and dream about things. Which isn’t too bad a thing really, all things considered. But when all you do is dream, and never actually get up and do anything about said dreams.
Here’s a chief example. I have a crush on this guy named Ross from the first day I meet him. And then I get to know him a bit better and I decide that yeah, he’s a good guy, I ought to snatch him up then, and I wait four mothering years to go after him proper. (Keep in mind that I have a boyfriend at this point as well, and yes I am still harbouring said crush, only now said crush has turned into something more like love, though I evidently haven’t noticed,) And so eventually, after waiting and dreaming for four years, I get him.
And no, I am not complaining, don’t take it as that, please, I’m just saying, look at how long that took me.
And now there’s the thing about writing a book. I wrote my first one. All I could think about was that goddamn book. And so I wrote and wrote and wrote, and I come out with this great little novel, (only it isn’t so great now that I look back and read through it, thought it might actually be able to be marketed, I just can’t be bothered to try to get that piece of crap published,) and I never manage to get it published. And yes I said just now in parentheses that it was too much of a piece of crap to bother with, but back in high school I didn’t think so little of it.
So why didn’t I act? LAZINESS! It’s a plague, I tell you. I would so much rather be doing other things than what I should be doing… Gah, I’m sure you understand. Like when I’m supposed to be writing a paper I’d rather be hanging out on my forums on h2g2 or when I’m supposed to be cleaning house I’d rather be playing Playstation. And here’s the confession of the month; honestly as much as I like writing I’d rather be doing any other number of things (within reason).
And I know you’re going “What the ?” but it’s true. It’s really truly true. I don’t know why I feel this way, I just do. Writing is just so much work anymore, I always feel like I’m stealing from people, and I just stop and go “Yeah so why am I doing this again…?”
Whenever I start anything I can’t ing finish it. I started an oil pastel of Galadriel a while back and it looks fantastic so far, but I can’t bring myself to actually finish it. It just sits in the corner of my room being not done, and I stare at it and go “Oh hey, I ought to finish that, huh.” And I never ing do.
And the same goes for the general state of my room right now. I would like to paint it and rearrange the furniture(and I’d like to do it in the general style of a FFX temple, glyphs and all,) but to have it painted I would have to clean it, and then I would have to empty it, and then there’s the thing with covering the carpet and actually doing the painting, and then when that’s all done, and I’ve finished watching the paint dry (Uugh, I hate that cliché, but hey, I would be watching it dry, more than likely,) I’d have to move my stuff back in and arrange it in an aesthetically pleasing manner. And that would take effort. And I’m like Gya… Never mind that then. Sounds like work. Yuck.
And back to writing, it was more or less the same with this damn laptop. I was like “Ah, when I get a laptop I’ll use it all the time and I’ll revise my piece of crap first novel and all will be well,” and all that. But did I ever? No. Have I any plans to? …Well admittedly I’m thinking of actually compiling the three files into one when I’m done ranting here. So that’s something at least.
And on an off-note, damn, just may it be known that I type really ing fast. And I don’t know why. Cause I type really oddly mostly with my right hand and a bit with my left, depending on which side of the keyboard I’m on at the time, the only bad thing is when I get all dyslexic and hit the wrong keys. Which now that I’m thinking about it I’m doing with more frequency.
Update: I’ve just checked those files, skimmed a bit of them, compiled them, and realised that I never actually finished the story. I can’t ing believe that. I just went and left it unfinished. Maybe my problem is that I don’t necessarily like the idea that things have to end. Even when reading novels from my favourite authors (namely Gaiman, Pratchett, Tolkien and Adams,) I always spend time afterward thinking of what might have happened if their stories hadn’t ended. If they just went on. (I think perhaps Adams had a similar complex, what with his five book trilogy with no foreseeable end, even when he blew up the Earth. Twice.)
It also has occurred to me that when I do want to finish something, I’m always hurrying to do it. Its as if there’s always something else that I have to do that’s infinitely more important. (It’s Christmas now, for anyone who’s interested in that sort of thing. Just turned over to midnight.) I mean, the fifty percent of the reason I want to write and be successful is because I really want to live somewhere in the UK. Or Ireland (I was only just recently given a brief explanation on successions and things as such about the British isles by a young Irishman who chided me severely about not being up to the times with the fact that Ireland is its own entity. Bleh. But for some reason I still lurve ya Brian, so who the hell cares, ya?). Or something. (I’m just sick of this country, but that’s another rant for another time and I’ll just go back to what I was on about originally.
I write from a need. I need a medium for getting these thoughts out of my head. I also need to get the hell out of here. (Personally I think my mother would be more than just a bit pissed off to hear about that, but hey, she’ll hear about it eventually anyway, so there we are then. And I want Ross to come with me because I love him and all that, and I want, if we have kids, for those kids to have English accents. And they inevitably will because gods know that three days in to our moving there I’ll be talking like a local… Hopefully. Heh.)

Which English accent would you like ? Technically I'm a scouser (some one from Liverpool), and most people I meet from out side Liverpool say I sound like a scouser, but most people in Liverpool say I've got a proper English accent, which is a bit strange.

Cockneys (London people - you probably knew that anyway) aren't too bad if you like talking in a whole new language all together Eg. "I'm gonna use the dog and Bone" (I'm going to use the phone), "Oi, take a butchers at that" (hey take a look at that). Or perhaps you just prefer to speak the Queen's English.

So your a writer then?

In general terms, yes. I've writen a novel (as I'm sure you read. And by the way thank you for reading that because it was really really long,) but right now I'm going through a bit of a dry spell. It's painful, you know, doing that. Especially right now, because I feel like there's a story just on the edge of my conciousness, waiting to be plucked out, but I just can't reach it, it.

I don't know what kind of accent I'd like. Probably not cockney. I mean, I'm fairly good at understanding people until they start in on that bloody rhyming stuff. It's all slang, really.

I rather fancied something like Irish for a while (I can't do Scottish, I'm too cute, heeee...), and then I realised that I can only roll my r's when I'm speaking French (and apparently I have a very annoying habbit of doing the same when I speak Japanese, which makes me sound somewhat like a cross between a french foregin exchange student and a japanese gangster [they roll their r's. Crazy, no?], according to Godon Sensei[my professor].). So suffice it to say that didn't work.

I think I could fairly well pull off The Queen's English if I stopped cursing so much. (I'm bad, you see. But that's what going to University in downtown Denver will do to you...)

I dunno, Terran, what do you suggest?

Douglas Adams had a few thing to say about writers block I think. I'm not a proper writer myself, but I do write a bit in my spare time (I've got a few stories on here). When I'm stuck for an idea, I usually write the first random thought that comes in to my head and try and explain and elaborate on it. Things usually flow from there. It doesn't always work, but thats what I usually do.

If you like cursing alot, then Irish is probably the best accent. Its almost part of the language over there (I know, I'm half Irish). I don't know much about Denver to be honest (I'm terrible at geography), other than to say it is the US, so I couldn't compare the two.
With the Queen's English, I'm sure the Queen curses from time to time (probably every time her husband says something), so why not go for that

Just out of curiousity whats it like learning to speak Japanese? (I [rather arrogantly] assume your first language is not Japanese, I appologise if I'm wrong)

Terran

*blinks in astonishment to everything that he just read not quite sure what to say*

Skull, are you all right...? *passes her hand across his face a few times*

About Japanese, terran, speaking it is a bit odd at first, it seems very backward. Because when you're saying something like "ramune wa oiishi desu!" (Which means "Ramune is tasty!") You're rather literaly saying that "Ramune exists in a state of deliciousness." Insane, ne? (the saying "ne," by the way, means something like "isn't it though?")

And writing it is a bit daunting at first, but it comes to you. There are three basic sets of characters in written japanese. The first is kanji, which consist of those hyper-comlicated characters that you probably see on some t-shirts. (Kanji is also used in China, but often they use kanji in different ways, and for different words.) The second is called hiragana, which is used for writing Japanese language words. the thids is called katakana (my personal favourite,) which is used for writing words in foregin languages.

It's lot of fun, but difficult, as is any foregin language.

*blinks again*












*and again*



*Shakes head*

The only 'n language that my bloody school offers is spanish.

I'm in college, dear.

A lot of colleges offer Japanese as a language. So go to college, yes?

What language did you take in high school? I haven't a clue as to what i'm going to do in college. But alas, I'm just a junior right now so i have a year to think about that. I'm not really bothered to think about the future right now. I'm the kind of person who doesn't really know what's gonna happen from one day to the next and I prefer just to take things as they come.

Hmm, well actually I didn't take language in high school.

I took a bit of French in elementary (...because I was an incredibly smart little kid. Woo. They had a programme for smart arses like myself. ), and again in middle school, but never again.

I was lazy and wanted more art classes, and language wasn't required. But I kept up with language in myown way by watching a lot of anime (Japanese animation, but you being an American teen, I'm certain you know about it,) with the subtltles on, and forcing my friend's brother (who was taking japanese alerady,) to teach me some elementary stuff.

I'm an odd gel, if you haven't already noticed.

So are you taking Spanish then, or just doing your best to ignore it?

Yeah, I know what anime is, though i never really watched a lot of it. I never really watch much TV. I tend to spend my free time with my guitar. Though My older brother is in college and he came home for x-mas break and brough home the complete pirated seasons of inuyasha(sp?), cowboy bebob, and outlaw star.

Ya, spanish is boring, the language is so simple. I often find my self chasing daydreams though the entire class yet I don't really seem to miss anything.

Hmm... over here in England the only languages they offer us are French and German. I was no good at either. The only thing I could say was "sprechen sie deutsch?" (Do you speak German?), which wasn't going to be much use to me, as I couldn't speak it myself. And I was marginally better at French.
I finished with both of them as soon as possible. Ironically at uni (I assume the same level as college in the US. Transatlantic conversations can get a bit confusing at times ), I am now learning all sorts of computer programming languages. I can't figure that one out. Maybe it means if I'd actually put some effort in to learning a foreign language I could actually speak it.

Oh and what do white guitar picks taste like? I've got a few black ones and a purple one, but they haven't got any flavour . Do you think that e-bay would let you sell chewed picks ? I'm forever losing mine. I'll go to play my guitar sometimes, and then I'll spend half an hour looking for something to play it with, then I'll give up and start strumming with my thumb and fingers(which hurts after a while), and never sounds quite the same. I always prefer to use a pick.

Mmm... do you think there will ever be a cure for Laziness?

The cure for laziness? Ohhhh it's . Made especialy by Jadie. In her espresso machine... (*gollum voice* Oooohhh, my precciousss espressooo machineee.... We loves it, we does...)

It is widely agreed that Jade makes the world's best . It's the best, man.

But anyway. Yeah white guitar picks taste more or less like the purple ones do. But as I said I'm a connisuer (sp? ha...!) of Fender mediums, particularly the gel ones (meaning they're slightly see-through. And yummy. I like the blue ones, myself.).

Maybe if I feel the need I'll send you come in the mail, Terran, and then you can see for yourself.

What kind of guitar do you play? Accoustic or electric? My Ross plays a five-string bass. (Not the fish, the guitar.)

Thanks for the offer but I think I'll pass on the guitar picks.

I've got both an acoustic and an electric (lucky me ). I've been playing since I was about 8 so I've gone through a few guitars (literally ). My favourite for just playing to myself is acoustic. I hardly ever play to anyone other than myself, so I usually just play my acoustic . I used to just have an electric, which is great if you want to change the sound on it and mess about with it.

As for lazyness, Mmm... I guess I'll have to get myself an espresso machine

Terran

I got mine for that christmas holiday thing.

My mum says I'm really hard to buy for, and I guess she's right. I mean, Ross ended up buying me a stuffed llama....!

*Thinks of all the great things you can do with a stuffed llama*

Nah, can't think of anything . Well nothing legal anyway . So have you only just got your guitar?

If you don't mind me nosing about in business-which-is-none-of-my-business, what made you finally go out with Ross?
I have a similar problem (but in reverse), I usually end up waiting far too long to ask a girl/woman out but its almost certainly too late, or I muck it up.

Anyhoo,
Terran

Terran it seems we have something in common, I too aways wait to loong to ask girls out.(but I'm young so what do I know)

Jadie we also have some thing in common, I use /almost/ nothing other than fender medium picks. Though most of mine have the shell design.("amost nothign other" because I also have a steel tipped pick used for soloing and i got a bunch of picks of an undetermined make for x-mas,with way cool flames designs on them)

Um, well, Terran, I'd tell you here, but that information is somewhat classified. It's really involved, and suffice it to say that "I cannot utter it here." Okay? Sorry. If you relly want to know (And actually it might help with your problem,), I'll gladly let you in on the story if you'll e-mail me at [email protected] .

Oh, and I don't have a guitar. I haven't had one for about five years, I just chew on the picks. See, I took lessons about five years ago, and then I quit (Because I sing /much/ better than I play, and it definately doesn't help that my hands are really really small Think like *runs off to measure for exact-ness purposes* six inches from the tip of my middle finger to the bottom of my palm, and then my palm is about three inches across. See? Tiny little hands. Not the greatest circumstances for playing.)

So /yeah/.

Oh, Skull, you rock! Most guys say that meduim picks are weak. Ross uses the heavy ones, but then I guess that makes sense as he plays bass and the strings are heavier... That and when you use a thinner pick on a bass the sound is really... I dunno... shallow. It's a really tinny kinda noise, as opposed to the big bad one you're going for.

Stop looking at me like that, you kids know what I mean... Heh...

Interesting. For that, you *must* have got on info, ne? (Don't do Japanese, but can I steal that phrase?)

Still, interesting none the less

It must be seasonal. I write really p*ssed- off songs in winter. All bleak. And fiery. And making me just want to get up and kill things with something sharp. So I listen to Nirvana a lot as well.

I like heavy picks. But I use maximum gauge strings. They're good if you don't mind tuning them often. Like every ing thirty seconds.

Go for a "my" accent! I curse a lot! And you can pass it off as both formal and informal! I like the way I speak I just don't like my voice. See if you can think your way through that.