Journal Entries
Happy Birthday to Me
Posted Feb 24, 2003
Yay. I'm 19 now.
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Latest reply: Feb 24, 2003
A Journal From the Underground
Posted Feb 18, 2003
In Dostoyevsky's "Notes From Underground," the main character is a nameless narrator, "The Underground Man." I finished reading this book a couple days ago, and I realized that his story is my story, or at least it could be with the right circumstances. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. For now, it's good, because I have a greater self-understanding now. A simple book, 91 pages, full of answers, and more questions. Definately more questions.
That's something I know now, there will always be questions. But knowing that there will be always be questions brings answers with it as well. I know that there are some things I can't believe, like religion. I can question, and I can learn, but never fully believe. I lack faith obviously, but faith is not something I can have. I'm too aware for faith, too aware of the doubts that would always accompany faith.
But I believe in truth, which is almost the same thing. I'm a seeker, and perhaps someday I will know what I seek.
3 Goals I came up with today:
Find Truth in something
Find Love in someone
Find Happiness in myself
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Latest reply: Feb 18, 2003
Euphoric
Posted Sep 29, 2002
I've been at college for a week now. Already I feel myself changing, growing, gaining in confidence. Since yesterday evening, I've been filled with a feeling of euphoria, for lack of a better term (not to imply that that is a poor term though, it's just that the feeling seems to go beyond simple euphoria).
I've done things that I would never have done just two weeks ago. Good things, of course. Like introducing myself to and having lunch with a cute girl. I've always been really shy, but it seems to be disappearing now. I also read the
Tao-te Ching, and am working on Confucius and Sun Tzu, simply because I want to know more about the context of Chuang Tzu's Basic Writings, which the entire freshman class is reading. I certainly wouldn't have done anything like that in high school.
Some song lyrics spring to mind. But since the moderators will remove my posting again if I put them here, you'll just have to find the song lyrics online at www. followed by delerium with a .com afterwards. The song is titled Euphoira (Firefly), and is on the album Karma. So find the lyrics there. Download the music video if you want. It's a good song, and the lyrics are much improved by the music.
May your blade remain ever sharp.
Vidmaster
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Latest reply: Sep 29, 2002
Bugger
Posted Jul 18, 2002
As I've said in my personal space, I live in Kalispell, Montana. Well, I didn't say it exactly in my personal space, but I've said it now, and this is my personal space. So there :p.
Something I havent' mentioned yet is the fact that Kalispell is basically a dictatorship. Our county commisioners are asshats (a new term, coined by a friend), who only care about money and don't give a $%#* about anything else. They have a habbit of letting any development go through, no matter how freaking stupid. The latest one is a strip of 711s, strip malls, and a big Holiday Inn. And it's right behind my house. Yay. Someone needs to do something about it. Except the meeting about it is tomorrow morning, and nobody knows about it. So basically we're buggered. With a 10 foot pole. Sideways.
Vidmaster
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Latest reply: Jul 18, 2002
Yay! And general life updates...
Posted Jun 7, 2002
Well, it's been a long time since I posted a journal. I'll do this in reverse chronological order, beginning first with the yay, and going back to whenever.
The Yay! is because I'm all done with school. My last classes were today, and then it's off to university in late August. Graduation is this Saturday. It's going to be really different not having to go to classes and all that. Especially not seeing all my friends every day. I'm definately going to miss many of them. But hopefully many of us will stay in touch.
On a slightly less happy note, on May 29th my best friend's dad died of cancer. The funeral was the Friday after. He was doing pretty well, or at least not showing it if he was doing bad. He had to go back to Mississippi the day after the funeral to return to the Navy. I really hope he has friends there, because it's probably going to set in a little later and hit him really hard.
The week before that, I finally got myself a PDA. It's a silver Visor Edge, and is really slick. Most of my friends are jealous, and I think it was $140 well spent. Of course, the whole thing died about 12 days later (some sort of PDA virus), but I was able to get a new one, which is doing fine.
Before that, I had to make up my mind about which college I'm going to. The decision was between Lawrence University in Appleton, Wisconson, and Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. I finally decided on Lawrence after a nice visit the day before the decision deadline. I have around $9k in scholarship for the first year, which will really help out. And that's in addition to the sizable grant they offered me.
That's most of the major things that have happened recently. So overall my life is good, and I'm happy.
In addition, I've figured out my new house motto and some other things. The crest, which I tried to get into the home space graphics competition, but was about two weeks too late for, is an eight pointed star with a sword through it, surrounded by some latin words, on a steel looking background. The motto/salute is "may your blade remain ever sharp." The latin that surrounds the crest is let there be and some things, which are glory, light, truth, love, and honor. Or fiat laus, fiat lux, fiat veritas, fiat amor, and fiat honor. Somebody please let me know if there's an error in the latin, as I'd like it to be correct. Also, if you'd like to see it, I can email you a copy, as I'd love to show it off. (I'm rather proud of it, if you can't tell).
Anyways, that's enough for now.
May your blade remain ever sharp.
Vidmaster
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Latest reply: Jun 7, 2002
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