h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Contrary to popular belief, knives are the most tractable of kitchen implements. They are pleasant and helpful. Spoons, also, are a bit lazy but basically benign.

Forks, on the other hand, are mean, spiteful and likely to ATTACK at the least opportunity. You have been warned!

la parrot verde est dans l'abre.

Or maybe he's at Pete's, THE party for partridges, pheasants, parrots and parakeets.

(A party also populated by peacocks, puffins, penguins and pox peppered pigeons).

Dear people:

Do you REALLY REALLY REALLY want 10,000 posts about a parrot?

If so, Auntie Terri has found a way.

God, I am so kind to these people, I touch myself.

*anyone who makes the obvious response shall be shot at dawn. Or at the very least, severely moderated.*

Let me know if you are ready for this.

Terri.

how many so far ?

3204 including yours it seems.

If you are sitting comfortably, then I shall begin. This is going to break every copyright law in existence, but if I add a few choice bits of my own & mention the fact that it first appeared in School Friend Annual 1954, I might get away with it. Anyway, if I get sued, I can't pay, and the resuting publicity may ensure that somebody offers me some work, so I might be able to pay.

Listening world; may I present:

"A parrot, a plot---and Geraldine"


(I do in fact know somebody called Geraldine, she would, I am sure, have nothing to do with this sort of thing.)

"We are all at St. Winifreds, a boarding school run by Miss Distard; a pretty fearsome type.

But we have a good time really."

*why? what do they get up to? Answers on a plain brown posting please.*

"Geraldine has page-boy golden hair, and glimmering eyes"

*Hey, now there's a thought for the next "eyes" thread....

"Keep it soft--this is between ourselves," said Geraldine, sliding into...."


*The dear girl is obviously playing chess. Soft pawn.*

"It's the most exciting thing, the most thrilling venture I've ever thought of, and it's going to bring radiant happiness to a lined, sad face"

Geraldine seems to have got the exclusive rights to free Botox; let me tell you my friends; I tried that last week. I am still just as lined.Possibly a bit less sad.

"She's bound to miss her parrot," I said. "They were a devoted pair."


All this is true.

I shall leave you weeping with frustration as to what happens next.

Credit where credit is due. The original was penned by none other than Stella Stirling. I kid you not. If you don't believe me, come & see for yourself!Terri

Hooommmmmerrrrrrrrrrrrrr


Hooooommmmmmmmeeeeeeeeerrrr

Pirating a parrot`s parody of a conversation? to 10,000 posts?Surely,w/our agile wits,we can come up w/something wittier?How about a letter for a day-to no-one`s dismay? It could rhyme all the way~Neugen

It's just that Homer seems more real than the mega-flee that also haunted these postings

Well,a name like Homer just screams for references to Greece,& w/greek one does get literary-even if it`s parroted!! N

Any mention of parrots is guaranteed to make you ears fall off.







What?

Did anyone mention a prude carrot?!

Spook called him Homer, I think, in the hope that he would have good homing potential.... but he didn't. But his travels are more wide-ranging than Ulysses’ and he’s very partial to ouzo. Would you like to be in charge of the Greek adaptations of the Homer films ?

Homer can be quite high-minded, although he prefers low living....

A prude carrot?? that would be a rude parrot!!Sprouting Greek no less-what a mess!The translation alone could wear one to a bone~& when will Homer get home? After an Odyssey? what a commidity~ Neugen

My parrot is called John, he lives in my head. He tells me to burn things.