h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Have you been somewhere?

B

Marriage? You brave, brave soul.

How long before you go pop? If you're at the final few weeks, you have my sypmpathy, tis a booger of a time

Yeah I've been away, went to the Moon for a laugh

Seven and a bit weeks to go now and it's totally dragging out. Funny thing is, the bump's supposed to be settling down but is as active as ever - no, I'm not having twins

*Checks passenger list.* According to this list you're attempting to start this journey as one person but finish it as two. This is highly irregular. I shall have to consult the rule book.
*searches pockets and socks in vain.*
Do you have a rule book?

Got a book with a ruler in it. Will that do?

You have a book with a ruler in it. It's not the Queen is it. That's a third person on one ticket. I can see this goes right to the top!

Honest guv, a big boy did it and ran away!

He's not one of the three you've already mentioned is he?

I dunno who he is. He just asked me if I wanted to see some puppies!

*tiptoes in*
Wedding and baby, and as well! I'll be...

I sort of knew, but Congratulations and good luck and everything!

Thanks dear! Getting quite excited now as I'm down to seven weeks...

*cues Countdown music*

*does Countdown dance*

Da-duh, da-duh, diddly-duh, pooooh!

You don't want any of those mum's birth tales do you? Or tips, whatever...

Da-daah, da da-daah, da-da.....

Can we really keep this up for 7 weeks. Des and Carol only get it for 30 seconds at a time. Although it was 45 seconds at the very start.

We could do it if the conundrum was based on children's names.
Vicar, "OK we're going to baptise this child with the best name we can get from these letters: I'll have a vowel please."
"I."
"Consonant."
"K."
"Vowel."
"U."
"Consonant."
"Q."
At least we know we've got a U to go with it.
"Consonant."
"F."
"Vowel."
"Another I."
"Consonant."
"T."
"Consonant."
"C."
"Consonant."
"X."
Tick,tock...

... diddly pooooh!
I've got eight letters - Quickfit, anyone got a nine letter name?

You can't have quickfit - you only have 1 I and you're using it twice.

This post has been removed.

Oi, the first letter was an I and then later on it says "Another I"

I can have Quickfit!

How that hasn't been banned I don't know B, but it's a name we'll certainly consider

*empties bag of scrabble letters onto computer keyboard and tries to remove all of the ones that, when put together spell rude words. Or rude sounding words*

There's not many left? W, A, K and N.

Nobody could find fault with those!