h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Little is playing Dandy Dan - one of the lead characters in his school's Christmas play - Bugsy Malone. He was really thrilled to get the part - he auditioned for it (and also for Bugsy Malone). HIs teacher thought it would bring out his character, but that the lead would be a bit too much for him to learn. A couple of times he left his script in school.

I think he's getting performance anxiety. I've noticed a pattern of not wanting to go in school - feeling sick - on the days that auditions are taking place and I had a full-blown tantrum last night. It took a lot of patience and firmness to deal with it. In the end, I sai in silence with him for a while, holding his feet (he sat on a chair facing me), until he was ready to talk, and even then he wasn't saying much. Sitting in silence was quite interesting. He said after a long silence. 'Well, aren't you going to say anything?' and I said, 'Do you think I should?' and then we sat in silence a little longer. In the end he came and sat on my knee.

Bless. I know that situation well. When they really explode in frustration there is always a big opportunity to re-connect back with them afterwards. I tend to think that they shouldn't sleep in the middle of a row. It's better to bring them back and reconcile with them before they go to sleep.

Traveller in Time with something alike
"Ah it could be 'performance anxiety', 'Rose' keeps complaining about headaches on the days she has to train for the Christmas play. "

Dearest little

I congratulateyou on getting a part in the play.

Well done my darling

I wish I lived nearer to you so that I could come and see you

You must tell me all about it.

Good luck and much love from
christiane and K. AR1

Thank you, Woodpigeon,

I may not have done it in that way without having been on an 'assertiveness for managers' course which reminded me of a really successful previous episode with him. Again he was having a tantrum, and having talked it through with Roy, I decided to engage his 'adult' (he being fully in 'child' at the time). It turned the situation round in an instant. This time, 'adult' didn't work, so I told him I was there for him whenever he wanted me and walked out of the room. He came to find me and I'd already seen that trying to talk didn't work, and he wasn't ready for a hug. The non-verbal physical seemed to be the best I could do for him.

TiT - yes, 'Rose' could also be suffering from performance anxiety. I spent some time this morning with little talking about it. He thinks it is different performing in front of a large group of adults to performing in front of children (which he can do well) and in front of 15-20 adults, which he can also do well. He's only 'Dandy Dan' for one performance and fortunately for him, it's the second one. I told him the story of a showjumping competition I saw on TV once. The last horse hit both of the practice fences and I thought, 'Oh dear - no chance!', but then he went on to win. I thought that hitting the practice fences sharpened his concentration and little saw the connection with doing a smaller part the first day. Even if he forgot lines, it isn't a key performance. Clever of his teacher to put him second.

My dearst Christiane - he was so proud to get the part.

I too wish you could come to see it, although I'm not sure how wheelchair-friendly the school is. It's an old Victorian school built on three levels - loads of steps and no lift. Oh, what am I thinking of! The play won't be actually at his school - it's in the Girls' secondary school - and that certainly has about a dozen steps which need to be negotiated - no idea if there is provision for wheelchairs. Last year there was a DVD, but this year there won't be because of copyright difficulties. What a shame!

Never mind. I'll give little your good wishes.

God bless!

Him . Good to hear from you again.

I wish I had been able to consult you for advice when my boys were little . Come to that I wish I had been able to consult you when * I* was little. I was TTTterrified at being given a part in a nativity play at school though I knew I was well able to make my voice heard at the back of the hall (my Mum was a trained singer ang taught me to project) which was why I was chosen.

Someone else came down sick and I ended up doing two parts, and in spite of awful nerves I enjoyed it andI got the bug.

Wish little with his performance and tell him all the best get stagefright before a performance, it's normal



Websailor

When is it? The last day of school, probably? All the best to him. It's a real ego-booster- I know my kids all love being on stage. Well, except the middle one, who's the one with the talent and really should be on stage. He's getting better though.

I think I'll get my DVD of "Love Actually" out again and watch it, just for the fun and the school play at the end of it. ("There was MORE than ONE lobster at the birth of Jesus?")

Hello Websailor - yes it's good to connect with you again. I'm not sure you would have liked me as a mum though. There's lots of things I wish I could do better. I'm better than my mum in many ways, but in others not so good. Better at emotional support, I think. I'll tell him it's normal to get stage fright.

So - did you do lots of acting after your success in the nativity play?

Hi TC - when is the play? - it's on 13 and 14 December. Little has got a minor part on the first night and the bigger part on the second. I think he'll do really well.

I don't remember the line "There was MORE than ONE lobster at the birth of Jesus?"! I might have to get it from the hire shop again to look at it.

You sound about the same kind of Mum as me. Better than my Mum too -almost anyone would be - but not as good as I would have liked. Circumstances make a difference anyway. I might do it better now. Then again I'm too old. No grand kids in sight so anything I learnt won't be passed on!

No, the stage bug got me but not acting. I think I did one more thing, but for the life of me I can't remember what! It surfaced again when I had to do talks for my charity, and after the initial terror, I found I quite enjoyed it. There is a degree of acting in it I suppose or it would be deadly dull.

Websailor

Hi Websailor,

Seems like hormones may be beginning to kick in. He had another tantrum today. I'm going away on Thursday to Birmingham and I've arranged for a friend to have him until I get back home. He doesn't like it and thinks it shows a lack of trust in him. He wants to go home on his own, even though I'm not going to get back until about 9pm. I'm not having it and I've told him flatly.

I think as much as anything else I feel that as a single parent I can't give him the things that he might have if I had a partner. I also feel that discipline is easier when there are two of you.

You sound as though you'd make a good Toastmaster! Great fun - I wonder if there is a club near you? You could find one on http://www.toastmasters.org/find/ - go to country and then go from there. Woodpigeon is a Toastmaster!